Dragoncrest Cliffs I've never given in to madness, never given in to madness

Since the scuffle when he tried to leave, Ephraim was being contained in the secluded beach at the bottom of Hougeda, the very same spot they'd held Rosalyn previously. For days he was left there in solitude; there was a guard posted in the tunnel but they didn't engage with him, no doubt on the Wormana's orders. He was left to fester in his misery, guilt and anguish until it burned him down to smoldering embers. Boredom consumed him when he had only the lapping waves for company, but that wasn't all.

He didn't eat. He hardly slept, stealing snatches here and there but never allowing his guard to drop for long. Ephraim knew he deserved this treatment on some level. He'd attacked his leader. He was sure no one would understand what he'd been seeing in the moment, so he didn't bother trying to explain it. It sounded crazy even in his head, to claim he had been on the battlefield again and Blixen had appeared to be an enemy. Easier to just accept what came.

And yet, he couldn't help thinking of all the others who left with nary a word and were let go. Wildfire, Kiwi and Sequoia; Eastwood; Artaax had been missing since Heda's death. Ephraim guessed that he was gone too. They'd even released their prisoner in the midst of a war for reasons he couldn't begin to understand. He thought about it often, spinning these names in his head and trying to determine why they got off scot free and he had to fester here, as if he hadn't also put his life on the line for this pack. He thought that Heda would be disappointed in @Blixen if she could see her now, imprisoning her own torture packmates while letting her blood relatives and other born kru do as they pleased. When he thought of it like that, he knew he didn't deserve this.

Maybe they would let him go in due time, like Rosalyn. He somehow doubted it, since that had been a political move, but it was the only hope he had and it was the main reason he remained meek and quiet on the beach instead of attempting to break past his guard as Rosalyn once had.

the decision to keep ephraim had been made hastily -- but blixen has never not been hasty. maybe if she'd known ephraim more -- oh. it's useless for what-if's: she knows she can't keep him here forever (mallaidh will kill her) nor does she really want to, she just wants -- she wants nomi to not be dead. she wants -- someone wiser than her to be in charge. she wants artaax to be here and yell at her for being an idiot.

none of these things come to pass. instead there is a boy being held here who is not arrille, she knows, but she cannot let go of the feeling of forboding. maybe it's -- just a weird way for her to maintain in control during all this chaos. her heart is heavy when she sets off to visit him. there's some foolish part of her (the part that was never good at feelings, hers or other wolves) that thinks, well, maybe he's cooled off now and they can talk about it and things will just be normal again. she has the presence of mind to recognize this as foolishness, but it does not completely abate, even as she steps past @Bobby and heads towards the coywolf.

she opens her mouth to call him and stops, frowning. after a minute she decides, "ephraim."and leaves it at that, her expression wary in case he tries to go for her face again.

He expected to be left alone on the beach for longer, but Blixen had other plans. Ephraim didn't immediately react when she said his name apart from the shifting of his ears in her direction. What could she possibly want from him? She'd done all she needed, hadn't she? Prevented him leaving, prevented the pack taking another hit, maybe protected her ego as leader in the process... though if she expected that he would continue to work with them after this then she had another thing coming.

Ephraim turned his head slowly to fix her with a glare. His muscles remained loose and limber in case she intended to pull weight on him in a physical display, but there was no tension in his shoulders. He didn't intend to leap up and attack her again, since he hadn't meant to in the first place. He was just sick with fear, after all. Her appearance didn't shake him like it would if Vercingetorix was the one to show up, so he didn't struggle too much to keep his tone on the icy side in spite of his feelings as he quietly replied, what?

"i want to give you the chance to explain what happened," she says, cutting right to the point. he doesn't seem thrilled to see her, but she doesn't blame him for that. years from now she will look back upon this whole situation with some regret -- after all, she genuinely likes ephraim -- for now, though, she's gotta just keep moving forward and doing what she thinks is best. she doesn't elaborate on her question any further, nor does she take a particularly interrogative stance: seated, her tail curls round, resting lightly on her toes, as she watches him with an expression that is part concern, part strict.

What's it matter? he retorted, with ears flipped sharply up over his brow. They weren't going to let him go regardless what the reason for his actions was, so it seemed completely pointless to talk about it. Nevertheless, Ephraim's sass was more hot air than actual anger. He was furious that he was being held on the beach like some criminal, to be sure, but he wasn't so consumed with rage that he was going to throw away his one opportunity to appeal to Blixen's better senses, even if he thought the whole charade was pointless.

I get nightmares, okay? And I can't sleep a wink knowing that's my family down there and they probably want me dead just for being here! I relive that fight all the time, it keeps me awake, and I see and hear things. And we're just letting them do whatever they want, letting them recover so they can come again, it's pathetic! We should have got rid of them when we had the chance. He didn't really know what his family thought, but considering what Antumbra had revealed to him, they weren't looking to reconnect with him. He did expect them to come after Drageda again, maybe just to kill him, which he was paranoid about. He seemed to be the only one who thought this tenuous peace was just a farce, and it was driving him insane.

So yeah, I wanna get the fuck out of here. I don't want to fight my family. Drageda saved my life but this is not worth being killed by my own kin. Imagine if your family came after your pack! And when you got in my way I dunno, I just blacked out, it was like being in my nightmares again and you were just another enemy, and in a way she still was an enemy to him now. He liked Blixen well enough but couldn't respect her anymore, not after letting others leave and then treating him like some enemy of Drageda. Which he had to address with a sneering, why's it okay for all your family to take off whenever they want but when I want to leave because I'm sick of being scared to death all the time, I'm treated like the dirt under your paws?

a younger blixen would have probably started snapping before ephraim could finish, and it takes tremendous effort even now, nearly biting through her tongue to control herself when he brings up her family. for mallaidh's sake, she tells herself, because they have the same father-figure (or however you describe étoille), and because mallaidh would be disappointed in her. still, her ears twitch back, expression pinching in. 

"i don't have family outside of drageda," blix says harshly, and, "why didn't you talk to any of us about this?" hearing the sharpness of her voice as it leaves her, she runs her tongue against her teeth and tries again, slower this time. "i mean -- it doesn't have to be me, i know you don't know me very well, but -- verx or - or someone." she feels bad about this. she does! she had no idea how worked up he was about everything (although, honestly, it's not exactly hard to puzzle out -- blix is just bad at interiorities). she runs her tongue against her teeth again, a nervous tic, and tries to think of what to say. nothing will make ephraim okay again, she realizes, but she owes him at least the effort.

"i'm sorry about -- all of that. i don't want to fight -- them -- either. we're not in any state for that sort of aggression." what had he said? we should have gotten rid of them when we had the chance. does she agree? it would have been so easy to kill that girl, at the least. but it'd been nomi's decision, and it's not for blixen to second-guess at this point. "during the last war, there was a wolf, arrille. a natrona (she can't help but add darkly) who joined us but -- abandoned us to go join the sound, to try and help them destroy us. when i saw you leaving i -- it was like i was back in time, able to stop arrille. kind of like what you saw, i guess." his explanation doesn't entirely make sense but she wants to concede to him on that point even if she doesn't understand. it was pretty clear he wasn't in the right state in either case -- but isn't that more justification for their holding him? she shakes her head and sighs; what else can she do here?

Ephraim didn't deign to reply for a long time. He let Blixen say everything she had on her mind, gritting his teeth at some points and frowning into the sand at others. Of course she had family outside of Drageda. She might not acknowledge them, but they shared her blood nonetheless, and she would be inclined toward mercy with them whether she knew it now or not, he was certain. Her apology made him raise his head a little, but then she went on and nullified its significance, and he glared at his paws once more.

You think that's what I'm gonna do? Go down there, join them, turn on you? Drageda saved my life. I owe this pack my life. I don't get why my so-called family isn't thanking you for what you've all done for me. I'd never join such ingrates. But it's my life, Blixen, and I'm not willing to forfeit it at the hands of my family, no matter how horrible they are. She might not acknowledge her family outside of Drageda, but he always privately dreamed he would get to meet up with his mother and father, his brothers and his sister again, let them know he was alive and well, catch up on their lives, show them what he'd made of himself. He'd imagined they would be proud of him. A dream dashed by circumstance, and if Antumbra had spoken the truth, then it was the exact opposite of what he'd hoped.

Then again, they were nothing like what he'd hoped either.

It's insulting you would think so little of me, he said with a wrinkle of his muzzle, then he turned away from her, splaying his ears back but otherwise appearing to reject her company. Ephraim wanted to leave Drageda, yes. He wanted to leave a situation that left him feeling hopeless and out of control. But to think he intended to run off so he could join the enemy and turn on them? Wow.

wrapping this up <3

both are too young and too consumed by their own traumas to reach true understanding with each other here, and blixen is neither kind nor patient enough to want to keep trying. she shakes her head and huffs impatiently, annoyed with him suddenly for refusing to cooperate with her. maybe she had made the right decision. "no," the wormana says, tapping her paw, "i don't think -- it doesn't matter." abruptly she gives up and rises. he's not going to understand her point of view and she isn't going to understand his  -- forcing him to sit here and listen to her try and explain won't do anything but sour their relationship even further. 

"i never thought little of you," she says, just because, knowing he probably won't believe her. "but if you really don't get why we had to hold you here, you're more of a fool than i wanted to believe." perhaps its for the best blix has no way of knowing ephraim's secret fantasy (dashed as it may be). she'd have wanted to snuff that dangerous thought the moment it'd appeared. she has no intention of holding him forever, just until she can sort out what to do with verx; and when the dust settles in future days and she realizes he's gotten away, well -- what's one more natrona lose in the wilds when they're on their way out.

He turned to regard her once more, and his eyes blazed with his truth. You do think so. You wouldn't have brought it up if you didn't. He had stood with Drageda against his family—unwittingly, of course, but nevertheless—and in so doing had unknowingly severed his ties to his blood. What more could they possibly ask of him? He'd come to them as a young boy. His indoctrination into their ways, while willing at the time, was not something he truly had any control over. Why couldn't she see it?

Because this is all she's ever known, he thought snidely, as she attempted to claim she didn't think little of him. I did speak to Verx, he allowed, with a snort. He didn't care. That was unfair. Vercingetorix surely did care, but the man was misguided and believed that no harm would come to them from Rusalka. Ephraim knew better, now, that the most dangerous of foes were those you underestimated. And with paranoia came fear, and with fear came exaggeration of an enemy's strength. He saw them as monsters, likely stronger than they really were, and it drove him to panic. If this is what you would call peace, then I am not the only fool.

It didn't really matter, though. Ephraim was too deep in his arrogance and his paranoia to be able to recognize Blixen's olive branch for what it was. The only thing he cared about was being shown enough respect to be let go, with the understanding that accepting Drageda's way of life had not been a choice he consciously made, and the understanding that not everyone was cut out for this life. He wasn't going to get that and he knew it. So he let her go without saying anything more, even if she spoke again.