Mount Apikuni i saw the sun, i saw it shining

set immediately after this thread.

the release was quick but potent. bhediya's urges were quieted for the time being, their act having temporarily sated her desires. soon, they would rearise, but they didn't have to think about it until then. after seperating, she took a few steps away to clean herself off. thinking about licking the knots in her fur was easier than thinking about everything else.

there were a few things that they would eventually have to talk about. she would wait for @Kukulkan to begin speaking to see where his mind was before bringing up such serious topics.

forever relevant

He was left out of breath.
Out of breath and out of thought.

The unlocking of the two left him standing, shivering, frozen both physically and mentally as he tried to unravel what exactly had just happened. What he had done. The rippling waves of heat, of excitement, they began to fade and all he was left with was the realization. Eyes widened and ears fell to the side, his sights locked on her as she seemed completely undisturbed, already cleaning herself.

But oh, how he could read into that if he wanted to... Was she trying to clean his presence off, regretting him? Was it simply because this was nothing more than another part of her day, with no emotional attachments, and therefore she couldn't be bothered to think into it? Shaking his head, Kukulkan shuffled his stance and cleared his throat, expelling the rasp he could feel building up.

"I err--" Gods, where to even begin speaking? But then-- "Shit." --said not lightly, but matter-of-factly, a stone sunk in his gut at a thought. "He'll fuckin' try t'kill me." His gaze quickly carried over from the nothingness in front of him to Bhediya to his side. She had a mate, as awful as he must be in order to strike such fear in her, and Kukulkan had gone and taken what he shouldn't have. Surely that was a line not meant to be crossed, and it left him with a mind full of complexity, of knots and tangles and a sheer mess.

There wasn't regret. There wasn't pure elation. There wasn't shame.
It was the terror of suddenly being faced with so many doors now placed before him, and he'd have to walk through each one and not fuck up. The weight of figuring out where to go emotionally from here, of continuing this diplomatic mission at any cost, of embracing a new role he hadn't anticipated.

"I dunno where t'start, Bhediya..." Worry tickled at his words, his head lilting a bit, knowing how unequipped he was at this moment.

@Bhediya

bhediya stopped to face kukulkan. kay, she whispered, i'm sorry. the familiar strain of emotion was clear in her voice. her made-lover did not deserve to be in such a position; why hadn't she brought along awol? surely, things would have turned out differently.

i didn't mean..., she continued. the magician's voice vanished with the wind, leaving her gasping in silence. a cloud of panic was beginning its descent but she fought against it, not wanting to lose herself. warmth grew and held in the rounds of her cheeks, tears narrowing her virescent gaze.

neither of them had words, it seemed. bhediya did not regret her decision, but one could only wonder if that would change once the heat passed. mainne kya kiya? she coughed between cries. kukulkan didn't deserve the trauma he'd resigned himself to.

Oh no. No no.
This wasn't what he meant to have happen.

A new wave of guilt washed over him, colder than the chill from the mountain's winter, as she whispered. As those tell-tale emotions flooded in her face, in her body language, and suddenly he couldn't think about his own worries. He lost his own breath, perhaps his emotions starting to mirror her own as she continued, eventually turning to a language he could not recognize.

But he didn't need to know the language to see the tears, to panic at their presence, at what must be happening to her. "Fuck no, no Bhe--" He flew over in a quick step, haste in his words and his legs as he came up to her. "Ye didn' do nothin'." In fact, it had been him. Right? If she didn't back away he'd close the gap, standing directly in front of her, arching his neck so as to meet hers. "'s fine..." Warm, low coos.

He hadn't intended to be a father. It'd never crossed his mind.
That did not equate to this being some sort of crime or slight against him. It simply meant a challenge - Kukulkan was never one to shy from challenges. No, this simply meant one thing:

"I jus'... don' know how t'do this..." Strong family dynamics had never been his bloodline's forte. "I don' wanna hurtchya, an' I don' wanna fuck anythin' up..." His home. Her. Their litter, if it happened.

"Wha' do I do?"

@Bhediya

bhediya did not shy away. in fact, as kukulkan approached, she found herself inching forward as a preemptive method of closing the gap between them. it was a bittersweet thing, the pirate's company. on one hand, she appreciated having him here because it meant that she didn't have to be alone.

on the other, it was a reminder of what she'd just done and the mistake they'd just made. but they'd made it together, and that counted for something, right? kukulkan was a good guy, right? younger than bhediya would have expected, admittedly less experienced.. but truth be told, she wasn't the best at parenting, either. 

did he have to know that? and if he did, when would she tell him? bhediya thought about all of this while continuing to sob, her breath hitching with each new concern. 

what do i do?

the magician shifted her head backward but kept her body still, an attempt to meet kay's gaze. i don't know, she whispered. a moment of silence, a sniffle at its end. do you want to stay on this trip? once this moment's reprieve was finished, she would try to approach him again. would he say no next time? you can leave me here, and i'll go to courtfall on my own.

bhediya hoped that he wouldn't, but knew that he would be within his rights to do so. knowing her situation, why would he want to stay? she pushed forward, hoping to reposition herself against him. we were strangers a little while ago, bhe laughed, a small smile wanting to return but being overpowered by a frown, i didn't mean to put you here.

There was a relief when they connected again, as though he could push aside their worries and just be. To breathe the air between the two, to feel some comfort in each other's presence, even though it also brought along questions.

When she pulled back he held her gaze, feeling a chill in his gut as her eyes flooded with such emotion. So potent.

"Wha?!" Ears flattened, voice laden with shock, "No." His tone was firm. Leaving? It was a ridiculous notion. "I ain't goin' nowhere, don' be crazy." He stepped forward, intent on pressing himself against her, so as to eliminate that distance. While far too young to contemplate actual love, he knew enough to realize he cared. Cared enough for what was best for her.

And treating this like some criminal incident, as some personal slight against him. That was out of the question.

"We're goin' t'gether, I'ma here t'protectya. That ain't changin'." He'd arch his neck down, intent on using his head to secure her in a hug of sorts. "I... I dunno wha' we'll be... bu' we don' need t'be strangers anymore. This.. it ain't yer fault Bhe." Could it really be called anyone's fault? K would breathe slow, breathe deep, hoping that it might be contagious enough to subdue her worries, her stifled sobs.

"I won' be perfect, but I won' hurt ya."
It was the purest, most honest promise he could make.

grayday had provided comfort, the promise of safety at a time when bhediya didn't have anyone else. they might not have been perfect, but he'd been enough to make her feel whole, if only for a little while. beyond her mate, he'd been one of her best friends — in part, because he was her only friend. 

now, it was pygmalion that she was running from and kukulkan who she ran to. it was the same situation over again: an abusive partner and a new man who just happened to be there, ready to play knight. 

the vital difference was that bhediya wholly believed her mate was capable of killing her newest companion. he seemed resigned to this possibility, assuring her that he would not leave. and when pyg comes? she asked, looking up at him once more, because he will. he'll be here, eventually. was he prepared?

kukulkan didn't seem to think that this made them mates which came as a pleasant revelation. once she escaped her current situation, the magician didn't think she would ever take another partner. we can be friends. and if this takes.. she trailed off for a moment, deep in thought, then we'll be parents. i don't really know a lot about being a mom so we can learn together.

the worst of her emotions seemed to have quieted, leaving her a sniffling mess. she gently pushed him away to make room for her to wipe her nose. the warmth in her belly was still (mostly) silent, but bhe thought to bring it up anyway. if doing.. that makes you uncomfortable, i won't be upset with you turning me down — because i will try again — and once we're at courtfall, i won't make you stay with me until it ends.

At the mention of Pyg, there was a ghost of a thought - one of anxiety, of what might happen, and how little K could do. But this thought did not fully fruit, instead it was stamped out by something new. A realization. "Let'm come..." Kukulkan would not give someone that terrible the room to extend pain.

Lowering his head, he'd press forehead to forehead, closing his eyes for a second. Sincere. "When 'e comes, I'll stop'm." A cold pause. "If'n I can', then ye run." Blazing red-orange eyes would open, intent, serious. Regardless of what would happen, if Pyg should come, if Kukulkan would face him... regardless of all of that, Bhediya would not be there.

She would not stay in the presence of danger.

Pulling away, only to return to the embrace between the two, K found a sort of comfort as her words lulled against him. Feeling the gentle whispers as vanished as quickly as they came, as though he were blessed to have heard them, it was soothing. But was soothed him the most was feeling her calm down. Relief.

"I.. I'd like friends..." She was a dear friend to him, and valued her. Could they be more? He didn't know, but it seemed something that shouldn't happen out of obligation or force. But friends, he liked it, and it drew a smile at the edges of his lips. "Well I don' know much 'bout bein' a dad, so maybe we can figure tha' shit out t'gether..." By the time his litter had come around, his mother was a captive slash refugee, his father so deluded by the insanity that ate at his brain he did little more than wheeze and sleep his days away. Parenting was not something he'd had proper experience with...

This time when she pulled away, the cold air that filled in between them seemed a little less cold. K felt a warmth in his cheeks, in his eyes, as he stared down at her. As she spoke. "Bhe..." Leaning down, he'd nudge the tip of his snout gently against her forehead. "Stop speakin' nonsense... I'ma here fer a reason, aye?" A soft, quick lick at her ears, "This trip, it's both our r'sponsibilities. We started it together..."

A moment of silence.
"We're gonna finish it together."

kukulkan's lulls were presumably based on instinct. they hardly knew each other; aside from the potential pregnancy they faced, what reason would he have had to protect her? bhediya didn't want to think that her womb was the only thing keeping him around, but she wouldn't have been surprised were this proven to be true. it did make her think, though; once they were born, would he change his mind and leave? 

she could tell by the way that he spoke that he was young. parenthood, especially when unexpected, could be overwhelming. she'd proven this twice over by her own abandonment of young, so there would be no blame to place if kay decided to do the same. he sounded so sure that he wouldn't, but the doubt was still there.

reveling in the sentiment with an approving laugh, bhediya decided to leave the previously discussed topics where they lay. instead, she brought up something else that, in her mind, was equally pressing. when we get home, she sighed, don't tell anyone. not immediately, i mean. did she sound like an asshole? she felt like an asshole.

i didn't tell anyone about pyg, so i have to do that first. my daughters, especially, ibis included. while not her biological child, bhe had come to think of the archdruid as one of her brood. they were remarkably close, having formed a cherished bond. looking to kay, she hoped that he would understand; having the entire pack think of her as infidelitous (which she was) without understanding the situation.. it wouldn't be good. 

she looked down at her own belly, noting the slight sag from litters prior. once i know if it's.. real, you can share the news with everyone, if you want. there was a sadness to her expression, one hidden behind a toothy grin, i don't want to get excited if there's no reason to be.

"It ain't mine t'talk 'bout, Bhe..." He'd whisper softly, but reassuringly. Her business was hers, and K had little to do with the situation in that regard. Plus he wouldn't know where to start, given how little he actually knew. Taking deep breaths, the boy inhaled slowly as the tensions began to fade, the worries finally leaving.

The mention of Ibis's name left a pang, a twist in his gut. He didn't know why, not fully, but there was almost a guilt at the thought of her. How sad the little stargazer was, and how little K had been there to support her when she needed it. A quick shake of his head - he did not understand these thoughts, why they would arise now. It was not the time nor place, was it?

"I er, I think it'd be somethin' fer us both t'tell 'bout, y'know?" Having no clue about parenting or anything that led up to it or went into it after the fact, he wouldn't know how to... tell others. "I trust ya t'know when to talk 'bout it, and when." A gentle nudge, one for reassurance. For him as much as for her.

"We don' need'ta deal with this alone, aye?"
Because he didn't know how...

kukulkan had something about him that bhediya couldn't quite place. the selflessness which he seemed to exude, it was both charming and unsettling. while she wanted to trust him, giving into such a thing was difficult. the next few weeks would be spent bonding and getting to know one another, so that when the pups did come, the two of them were ready.

but that was for the future and didn't pertain to the current conversation. no, we don't, she agreed with a simple nod. the wolves of the emberwood were understanding; they were a group brought together by ibis, which showed in how they functioned. 

i'm going to rest for a while. bhediya was beginning to feel fatigued from the pre-talk activities, and thought that a nap would do them well before continuing on their travels. without awaiting kukulkan's response, she walked a short distance away and settled into a ball beside a wilted bush.