Wapun Meadow I of the storm

for @Clay

The previous night Valour had left the pack territory and ran. He had no idea where he was going but he couldn't stay inside. His chest heaved and breath was ragged as the thoughts flooded his mind making hours seem to pass in a blur.  After his talk with Memory and Serem he'd been plagued with restless thoughts. Vengeance mainly and how much of a monster the man truly was. The lessons he had learned from man, the ones that taught him to be cunning and cruel and murderous.  He hadn't ever wanted to become like that, he had just wanted to learn the prowess to gain the power he had been promised. Instead he'd become a monster of sorts himself who had lost the ability to remember normal things like family and friends and what nice feelings were. He only remembered people who stirred him to feel moments of warmth, of genuine care himself. Memory.... Vanity....Clay. 


Coming out of the mountains by noon time he felt his legs shaking and collapsed sighing and watching his breath cause the grass and flowers to bend and away as he struggled to get oxygen into his system. The name of his lost friend had caused a sharp gasp and an ache and even now he felt the dying sting of tears. Everyone else was there and supporting him in a way but the one he had wanted to do it for was gone. The soft kid who had trailed around after him to stay safe, the one who taught him what friendship felt like and who he had failed to keep safe in the end when Vengeance had tormented him for being Clay's friend and trying to encourage less fear in. His ears pressed back as he sighed laying flat against the ground as if trying to become one with the dirt.

Step
Step
Step

Clay weaved his way through the tall grass of the meadow, sun beating down upon his spine and warming his dark-toned fur. He had nearly forgotten the feeling—what it felt being here, being back in Rising Sun. Being among the luscious and bright grass, the sweet smell of the breeze tangling within his silken fur, the soft sounds of songbirds woven with the far off rustling of the trees in the wind. It was magical— ethereal even in the young prince's mind.

But of course, all the sweet things must come to an end.

Stopping abruptly at the stench of his nightmares, Clay turned around frantically and looked about, his gaze scanning the horizon line while a growl gurgled within his throat. Not here. Not now. Couldn't they just leave him alone? He had hoped, wished, that now as an adult he would be able to put that terrible life behind him.

Stalking forward with tail raised and body posed to strike, the Easthollowian crept forward with precision and purpose. His long limbs gracefully falling to the padded dirt in soft steps under him.

There was an ant crawling toward him as if he were simply another obstacle to cross. His attention was focused on it as he mused about how they were similar, the ant and himself. Both just constantly marching toward their goals and overcoming anything in it's way, even though they both could be wiped out in the blink of an eye. A rustling caused him to look upward, ears shooting up as he went on guard and pressed closer into the grass like a snake. There was a big form coming toward him cloaked in a familiar array of colors that had him freeze in place. 

No way...

His eyes grew bigger every second as he gathered his limbs beneath him like spring traps ready to release, holding his breath as he quivered with restrained attack and also partially hope that the wolf approaching would be exactly who he thought it was. "Don't...I'm not a threat" the words were said loudly as he suddenly burst up from the ground revealing himself to the young man who he stared at slack jawed. "It is you" the words came slow and numb from his mouth as he gawked awkwardly his tail beginning to slowly sway back and forth as he failed to think about anything much except the fact that he had missed him and he was right there. "You're okay"he said then and his ears shifted back, taking a few steps closer wanting to greet him but hesitating and letting his voice crack as he looked up frowning as he muttered "friends should say goodbye" and looked away as his eyes started to mist up despite his efforts against it.

The figure raised itself, and Clay forced another growl out of his throat as they announced their presence to him. Their voice was smooth, dark in a way that was slightly familiar but bone chilling all the less. It made his body shiver in a way that he hated, and it wasn't until he saw their face that he noticed his heart was beating way too fast... another thing he muddled around in his brain to see if he hated.

"Valour?" he breathed, looking the male up and down. The boy had grown, evened out to a body full of muscle and height that was a stark contrast to his own. Clay, who was whispy and narrow now in his adulthood, stared at the Nightwalker before reluctantly ripping his gaze away to do a quick scan before looking back. "You shouldn't be here," he hissed.

And as the Nightwalker stepped forward to greet him, the Easthollian gulped and stepped back to slowly circle around him at a distance with narrowed eyes. He wanted Valour to see his body. To see how his once untouched fur was now littered with deep seated scars that scattered across his sides and grew more prominent towards hind. He was not 'okay.'

"[b]We're not friends.[/b]" he said icily. A phrase that forced it's way out of his mouth without much thought. He had liked the boy once, marveled at him with determination and perhaps a little more than friendship. But that was gone. Mostly. Maybe.

What was it about Clay saying his name that suddenly sent him soaring high? Breath catching in his throat he took a moment to sweet his eyes down Clay's form truly taking him in. Always good at paying attention to details he wasn't dumb to the shape his old friend was in and his eyes dimmed mouth falling open to question if he had actually escaped and gotten himself safe. Then the boy turned away and Valour felt the new but familiar sensation of a stabbing in his chest as words were hissed about his presence. "What....why? Clay I just took a run" he asked with a confused  and suddenly worried shake of his voice as Clay began to circle him, acting almost.... suspicious. He swallowed down a sudden lump in his throat and took another hesitant step toward him, trying a smile and a wag of his tail and trying not to stare at each and every mark his eyes saw upon an otherwise beautiful form. Then came something that took a moment to register, eyes going wide and slowly rising to peer into Clay's seeing how serious the boy was. 

Physically, he thought he actually felt his heart tear. He blinked and put his paw down shifting back, silently battling with the sudden overwhelming hurt he felt. He wasn't injured, he wasn't in a fight but he felt somehow worse "That's good to know. I'll remember that" he tried to spit out venomously but it was all wrong, choked off and rough. His eyes stung again and he blinked rapidly, looking away so Clay wouldn't see it. He cleared his throat and stood straighter, trying to make himself go cold again by faking indifference. "Hela killed Vengeance. We're leading together now" he let the news fall from his mouth numbly, not at all how he wished he could have said it. He wanted to tell Clay how his friendship had made him want to take Vengeance down from the start. How it was Clay who taught him what it was to be someone who protected and had friends instead of a monster. "It was fake then? Your friendship?" he blurted his ears flattening to his skull as he stared at his paws "I spoke up for you...I protected you. That's all you wanted? A shield?" he despised the way his voice shook and cracked, how his chest was tight and his heart thumped brutally and his stomach had a sick sharp feeling. Is what Memory had meant when he said he felt heartbreak?

"I just took a run."

The five words that forced a snort out of the young man's maw as he glared at the other. "You expect me to believe you ran all the way here just... because? Just for a stroll?" He clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Honestly, I should have known you Nightwalkers would always come back. You can't stand letting your precious pawns slip away, huh?" He stopped dead in his tracks behind the other, staring at the back of Valours head with a calculated glare that did little to shield his boiling anger.

And as the other stepped closer the boy took a step back, hesitant at letting the other anywhere near him. He wasn't going to let Valor have his way with him, to touch him and defile him. No. Never again would he let anyone take advantage of him. "You need to leave. My pack knows of your kind, they won't be pleased to have your stench around our land."

And then came the news that tumbled out of his past friend's jaws. Vengeance was dead? The tyrant had fell? Clay continued to stare at the other, his olive-green gaze searching Valours face for any sort of hint that might give way to his true intentions. The boys ears were pulled back, and he hesitantly looked away from him to blink; Signs that the Easthollian read as deceitful and had no choice but to chalk them up as such.

"You're a shit liar," Clay spat back. "I won't go back with you." He was angry at Valour. Angry that the boy had betrayed him, angry that he had tracked him down, angry that he was still doing the warlord's bidding. And now he was with Hela. 'Together. Leading' he said. Whatever that meant. Truth was Clay was more hurt about that then anything else. He wanted to have the boy's attention. Not Hela.

"Our friendship wasn't fake. I—" he paused, searching for the words deep within his brain. He couldn't admit he had feelings for the handsome male. Valour couldn't know. He probably would think Clay was weird for such a thing. Unnatural. "I liked you. But you betrayed that when you stood by. When you stayed for Vengeance and didn't follow me out. You stayed Valour!" His voice was rising now, almost on the edge of screaming. "You CHOSE NIGHTWALKERS OVER ME!"

Every single burst of words from Clay hurt and he took deep steady breaths trying not to open his mouth and lash out, his eyes stinging but not moistening up as his chest bore the ache. He flinched as Clay called him a liar "But It's-" he was cut off as Clay snapped that he wouldn't return with him and for some reason despite it never having occured to him, it hurt him deeply. He released a shaky breath and stepped back a few places to give Clay some space his eyes darting away nervously as he angled himself defensively, eyeing Clay with round eyes and furrowed brows. No longer did he feel like he should be missing Clay as much as he was just moments ago. His muscles tensed and he lifted his head eyes going hard and direct as Clay stated suddenly that their friendship wasn't fake and then paused. 

For the second time since this outburst had started Valour felt himself soften, eyes growing searching and hopeful before Clay continued and every accusation caused a deep ache and a surging burn. He turned and looked away gritting his teeth together and holding back so much of his own emotion his breath shook and released in quick bursts, muscles quivering with restrained urge to run off and leave this horrible momemt behind. He peferred the softer ache of missing what was apparently only just a small moment in how Clay felt about him. It was when Clay screamed that he had chosen the Nightwalkers that he snapped. "You left and didn't say a single word! I was getting hurt for protecting you and you didn't think to ask me to come?" he scoffed and curled his lip to hide the way they were shaking eyes eyeing him over harshly "Vengeance is dead your new pack isn't in danger so don't seek it out. We have kids to protect and I'll be damned if they get hurt because you forgot who suffered protecting your ass! he couldn't help the way he got loud and the burning ache he felt fueled a fire within him as he stood tall and strode toward Clay speaking as he went his eyes filling with tears "Vengeance was a monster! He was cruel and especially so to me and I kept you safe!" he raised his voice higher, hating how it cracked "YOU FRICKIN ABANDONED ME!" the tears dripped down his face as he stopped just a few feet from Clay expression crumbling slowly as he shook his head "It was fake. How could a friend do that and then sit here and scream like this? You're the one who's a traitor" he stood there too stubborn to lose all of his pride yet and turn to leave and wanting to see if Clay would rise to the challenge, just to see what reaction he could cause because he hated how much the wimpy boy had made him hurt when nobody else ever really mattered much. and he hasn't even been near me in months!  

Overtime the words got louder and louder. Their voices raised, shaking around them and causing Clays own ears to jump back in reaction. He had never seen Valour so angry, so loud; Usually the boy was composed and soft spoken. A gentleman... But, this side was new to the Easthollian, and something about Valour's pained look and gritted teeth caused him to shy back with a pawstep.

It reminded him a bit of Vengeance.

Even more-so with the lip curl.

"Don't you DARE curl your lip at me!" Clay barked, cutting off Valour with his now raw throat. Tears had been spilled down his cheeks, wetting his fur and dribbling off his chin. Everything that Valour had said, had believed was correct. And in his error, Clay was only now noticing that perhaps he hadn't been the best.

His chest had once been hollow, dull—Dry. He had despised it, but in time he had been bored open to everything, to the cruel unseen reality of the world. Of outside his pack, of Easthollow. And in this he had grown used to it, found comfort in it... content. But now that was gone, and in it's vacancy a new feeling had settled in. It felt full, swollen, filled with a feeling that pulled at his heart and bubbled in his throat like he had drank water wrong. Clay was sure that he was drowning. He had to be. It was the only answer.

He hated it.

Perhaps Valour was telling the truth. Vengeance really was dead. Maybe he wasn't out to get Clay, to get Easthollow to drag him back. Clay wanted to believe this, to find sanctuary within his once close friend...

But now he was too bitter. Too clouded. Too misjudged.

And this all her could mutter was a soft spoken "I'm sorry. I thought you would follow me." To the Nightwalker.
"But I never meant to abandon you. I...liked...you."

After Clay's voice fell back down he stood there panting eyes alight with anger that burned through the tears that glistened. There was an apology, an excuse that it was assumed he would leave, that he had been liked. Valour remained silent unsure what the right thing to say was while thousands of different options ran through his mind. He was sorry? After everything that had just been screamed into his face, all the nasty false things that Clay had just said about him....he found the words didn't help him feel much of anything except another wave of hurt. "You liked me? You suck at showing it" he couldn't explain it, he wanted nothing more than to accept the apology and try to get past it. To smile again and see if they could play like they used to, just one more time to loosen up. Yet he couldn't bring himself to do it, he was too damaged by the words that had been shared. After a stretch of silence he spoke up again his tone softer and less cold, his eyes cast down to the mound of dirt he fidgeted with "Do you really think about me like him?" the question burst out louder than he meant it and he licked his lips nervously, shifting to one side  as he declared shakily "I'm not a monster" 

'You suck at showing it''You suck at showing it''You suck at showing it'
'You suck at showing it''You suck at showing it''You suck at showing it'

The words echoed in his head, and Clay gulped at the lump that had lodged itself within his throat. "I..Uh" he didn't really know what to say. And any thought that lodged its way into his head fell on deaf ears. He stumbled on his words as he looked up at Valour. It was really the only thing he could manage.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why was his heart beating so fast? Why was he frozen. He couldn't look away. 'I can't look away.'

He was glad that Valour was no longer showing his teeth, but the look in his eyes: pained and angry did little to calm Clay down. He felt on edge, and all the teen could do was continue to stare up at him with a complicated emotion.

Did he think of Valour as Vengeance? No. Probably not. But Nightwalkers was all the same. Anyone who stayed there was content, and no matter how much change went on, the land was still soiled with the blood of their kind. The pack was still founded on a hill of rotting flesh and bones. "I don't think of you as a monster. I-... Just cannot trust anyone." he said softly.

He couldn't resist lifting his gaze, eyes sweeping across Clay's face taking in the tormented expression and decided that this situation just sucked as a whole. It hurt and Clay's response to him had been confusing from the start. When Clay stated he had trust issues but didn't believe he was actually bad Valour rolled his eyes and snorted. "Bullshit. You acted like I was a threat" though it was said with sarcasm there was a hint of bitterness that was the only way to hide the way he was struggling to hide the pounding of his heart, the sharp ache had his breath shaking on each shallow exhale. The way Clay cowered was so frustrating, as if he would lay a paw on the boy. He never had, they'd always played or he had just gone about his business while being trailed. "You're not trusting me. You're scared of me" he said this exasperated his voice shaking and then shook his head smirking with a sharp laugh as the bitterness began to grow inside of him "Why? Is it just because of the name?" he asked openly, boldly taking a step closer and lifting his chin high as his eyes went sharp the ache in his chest causing him to act impulsively "Nightwalkers!" he shouted suddenly and did a playful, taunting little jump forward his tail raised and wagging as he tried to rile the other boy up because anything other than Clay's fear would be better. "Vengeance is little more than a name and coyote shit that's been processed back into the earth." his lips quirked upward as he circled around inching closer his tail wagging "Stand up and run or Fight me Clay..or lighten up. Do
something but stop acting scared of me" he spoke with part playful intention and part emotionally fueled challenge. As the words hung in the air his lips slowly began to droop downward as he realised whatever happened next would decide how he went home and moved past this. Clay could wound him now more than anyone ever had, instinctually he knew this and his eyes went wide as he held his breath waiting for the response.

Clay looked down and lowered his head as Valour rolled his eyes. He couldn't deal with the man being upset with him, not anymore. His stomach felt sick, his brain swollen, and the bitter taste of embarrassment flooding his mouth.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again, softer than last. He didn't like to admit he was wrong. The shame that always accompanied it made him feel small, feel weak and childish, and now more than ever he didn't want to feel that way in front of Valour. But perhaps, once more, he had made an error in confronting the agouti with such aggression. But he still felt angry at the fact Valour was taking his fear personal. "I'm scared of everyone!" he shouted, still looking at the ground until Valour screamed Nightwalkers!!!

Clay tore his head up and jumped back as Valour came at him. He cowered, unsure and taken aback by the male's sudden movements towards him. He didn't intend to topple over and crash... But he did so with a yelp of surprise before scrambling to his paws in haste. Perhaps Valour had seen the long scars that littered his hind and back; a reason for his fear of everyone. Clay hoped he hadn't, or if he did that he wouldn't say anything. .

But Valour was right, sort of, in his mind. He didn't want to keep being scared. To fight or run. He was just tired, and Clay wanted nothing more than to drop this whole argument and go sleep under some dugout tree. Or maybe he wanted to go back to how he used to feel around the boy.

Could he?

Tentatively, Clay licked his lips anxiously and stepped once towards valour, looking at him with wide eyes as he moved slowly. Perhaps it could be interpreted as some sort of stalk, or what was to come next as an attack. But in one leap Clay barrelled towards the Nightwalker as fast as he could, crashing into the boy with all his weight...

If Valour were to fear fangs touching his coat, or the searing pain of a bite—it did not come. No. Clay had simply tucked himself against his neck, hiding in the warmth and staying awfully still, holding his breath and bracing for some sort of disgust or push away.

Barely did he have time to register what had been shouted before his actions scared the crap out Clay. Cringing he lifted a paw slowly to approach and apologize profusely before his eyes caught on the big scars that hinted at tortures that Valour hadn't been there to see. For the first time this entire incident he felt shame for not trying to leave Nightwalkers and watched Clay get to his paws not moving away as the boy turned on him. He frowned and tensed up nervous as the boy moved toward him slowly, sending his heart racing into a frenzy as he prepared for an attack.

"I'm sorr-"

The words were cut off as Clay leaped and he yelped, hitting the ground all four legs sticking out awkwardly as he landed on his back with a puff of air bursting from his lungs. His stomach lurged as instant fear surged through him fading only as he realised that there was no maw around his throat. Valour lay there frozen as Clay snuggled into his fur, stunned and recovering from the unexpected tackle. After a moment he lowered his chin to rest over Clay's head, closing his eyes and sighing softly as the heartache faded into a dull throb. He felt a deep sadness even though he was content with this moment, wrapping his forelegs as much as he could around the other boy his tail thumping against the dirt after a moment as he tried to work past it. "You actually looked scary for a moment coming flying at me" he teased and grinned hiding it from Clay by burying his muzzle into his neck and growling softly, the sound purely playful before he pulled away and simply enjoyed the sensation of genuine affection. After a few moments he spoke again, this time softly "I wish we'd both met differently. Then we could've stayed together" the admission made his heart thump so hard he feared that Clay would be able to feel it through his chest.

Surprisingly, Clay was not shoved off. Nor was he bit and tossed. No. He instead felt the warm embrace of Valour, who had brought his paws around him and his head to rest upon his crown. It felt... Nice. Warm. It gave him a chance to breath, to let out the breath he was holding shakily.

Scary? "I'm sorry," he apologized once more, his voice muffled by the thick fur of Valour's throat. At least scary was better than looking like a girl, he thought. West had mistaken him for one upon his arrival back home and the boy still hadn't recovered from the awkward experience.

Speaking of awkward—the playful growl out of his friends throat had Clay's tail wagging rapidly along with a deep seated warmth pooling in his gut. He didn't really understand it, but was quite aware of his reaction towards such a thing and sought to reposition himself away. "Yeah?" he questioned, ears turning.

He could hear the boys heart beating rapidly within his chest, much like his own often did. The wording of his friend was awkward though, almost as if he meant it in another way. Did he want to Clay to come back with him? So they could be together as friends? Clay was puzzled. He didn't want to go back to nightwalkers. But... "We can still friends, you can come here. You can live in Easthollow with me?" He offered, hoping that Valour would say yes.

A sigh and a soft apology spoken into his fur, causing a gentle laugh. Clay was such a gentle soul despite the apparent temper, he couldn't think of anyone he'd ever met quite like him. As Clay wagged his tail and shifted he tensed awkwardly and pulled his head back peering up with bright silver eyes and a broad smile "No" he murmured, his voice a hoarse whisper as he stared boldly up at the boy, loosening his hold lazily around his neck 


"You can live in Easthollow with me?"

The moment of peace shattered and his smile faded, head turning and ears pinning back. He didn't say anything, he couldn't because he wanted to say yes more than anything but he had people who needed his help. Even if those people originally caused him a lot of grief, they all wanted safety and peace just as he did. There were children who needed a leader who could keep them afloat, someone who could step in if Hela went down a bad path. "I can't" he whispered eyes sliding slowly to look miserably at Clay "They need me...in case Hela needs to be taken down or something else goes wrong" he didn't understand why it kept coming out of his mouth. For once his brain was screaming at him "You're just a kid! Why you?!" but he couldn't explain. He was sure he could do it, he was sure he could at least get the pack on the right path as long as Serem continued to work with him. "They all just want peace now that he's gone and...Hela is kind of in the way. We have two mothers..kids that need... someone who understands" he rambled anxiously, voice quivering as he feared Clay would get angry again. He turned back to look him in the eyes, his expression one of vulnerability and pleading "Please don't be mad, I'll come visit you. We'll stay in contact and-" he paused, hesitating for a moment his ears rising as he blurted "I'll even swear a personal contract, as a mercenary. If you need me I'm yours" the last bit hung in the air as he blinked, wide eyed and wondering if he had made a mistake. It was a Nightwalker custom that a mercenary would offer themselves for a service in return for....what exactly? After a moment he realized that his payment would be keeping his one friend and he wanted nothing else. Staring up at Clay he held his breath, spiralling internally into panic as the seconds seemed like eternity.

The world stilled to the boy as words he dreaded to hear were murmured across his nape, whispered in his fur as if attempting to hide them; a guilty truth. He knew Valour was going to say it, he was foolish not to. But still, secretly, he had hoped for it not to be true. For Valour to choose him. To be with him.

It sullied him.

He breathed in, nuzzling into the darken fur as tears threaten to form at the corner of his eyes. He would not. 'I will not.' he repeated to himself like a mantra. He would not cry again. Not to Valour.

'They need me.'
'but I need you.'

'We have two mothers... kids that need someone'
'are they yours?'

'Please don't be mad.'
'i'm mad.'

'I'll visit you.'
'that's not enough. I miss you. I need you.'

'If you need me, i'm yours.'
'i need you,'

So many statements, so many answers. Clay wanted to respond to it all, to beg and plea, to lay his chest barren and open to the boy, to soak in his warmth and empty devotion. To even follow him.

'i need you,'

But he couldn't. He wouldn't. He just stayed there, nustled into the fur of Valour and breathing steady before whispering a soft, broken "okay," 'i need you'

'I need you.'
'I need you.'

"I need you." It slipped from his jaws without noticing. Three simple words. "At least stay with me, just a little more..."  'stay with me forever.'

There was no anger but the response he got did more to leave him a wreck in the end. The way Clay burrowed into his fur and whispered a sad agreement made him feel like an actual monster for not immediately swearing he'd be back to stay soon. Instead Valour silently lay his cheek again the dark charcoal and grey fur, eyes closing as he let the boy's scent drift up into nose filling his consciousness with nothing but this moment. Nightwalkers wouldn't ever really match up to the way he felt around Clay but he couldn't say that when everything was changing so fast and he was looked to as the one to take care of things. 

 Then came three words that caused tears to immediately fill his eyes and spill from beneath closed lids, dripping in thick droplets onto the charcoal and grey fur he was pressed into "I'm here" he knew the words 'for now' hung in the silence and pressed his muzzle to Clay's neck wriggling as close as he could get "I just got here, I wouldn't go so soon" he tried to hide the fact that he was crying from his voice, giving his tail a forced wag "Why don't you tell me about your pack? It's...normal right?" it came out awkwardly but the eagerness he showed to hear about Clay's life now was genuine. He figured most other packs were normal compared to Nightwalkers an frowned, glad that Clay couldn't see the embarrassed and lost expression he wore trying to make things happier. 

I wanna continue this forever because oh my gosh feels but if you want we can write out? <3