Emberwood house rules, sammy

lil side adventure backdated before this thread. ehehe. thanks for the poop idea, kat! tags for reference! <3

though vex doesn't stray too far from @Haunt, he tells her he's going to take a poop and marches off into the depths of the emberwood, snuffling and sniffling the bracken and debris of decaying leaves; winding deeper and deeper knowing he'll just find his way back to her by retracing his own steps.

he stops at a hollowed, broken tree trunk, still standing in the loamy, moss covered earth, paying particular attention to it before squatting to relieve himself. when he's finished, vex scratches up the moss and damp leaves to cover it, hoping disturbance of the moss will generate enough musk to hide most of the smell.

There are better ways to wake up than to the soft, warm smell of fresh poop wafting straight inside one's nostrils. But that is, what greeted Merlin that day, when he had decided to nap inside a well-hidden hollow earlier. He scrunched his nose in disgust, opened his eyes, blinked few times - first peered over to see, if he had by any way "assaulted" himself by accident, then peeked outside the den to see a nice pile of poop few feet away. 

Had it not been for footfalls nearby, Merlin would have sworn to himself and gone to find another place to nap. Now, however, he did not want to miss the opportunity to be rude to the bastard itself. Therefore he drew himself out of the den and bounded after the guy, who was not so difficult to find, now that he had clearly left a pungent sign that read in red block letters "I WAS HERE!". "Hey, YOU!" Merlin called out to the guy. "Go, pick that up and bring it elsewhere. Some people try to sleep and you shit right outside their doorstep!"

the rustling sound draws vex to a cautious slow, peering over his shoulder at the reddish-brown wolf that emerges from the hollow that vex hadn’t seen. truth was, he wouldn’t have cared anyway — he needed to relieve himself and that was that. the male that bounds after him, shouting, clearly didn’t share the same thought. vex stops and turns to face the stranger, fiercely scowling; chin rising with unfettered indignation.

who did he think he was, talking like that?

you want it gone so bad, you pick it up. vex counters in a ‘not my problem’ attitude. maybe you should pick a better spot to sleep. vex suggests cheekily, tail flicking against his hocks with a small twitch of his lips into a sneer.

word count: 125

"Why shouldn't I drag you over there and rub your ugly mug right in it, huh?" Merlin replied with the same level of intelligence that he had been countered with. "Sounds a lot more educational to me, if you know, what that word means at all," he added, challenging the other kid with a look and then his angry expression gave way for a good-natured grin.

"What's your name, kid?" Merlin asked. "If you do any more pooping on people's doorsteps, I want to warn people around."

vex glares at the stranger, chiding him as if he were a sibling or a parent. many comebacks dance to the tip of his tongue; all of them more petulant and childish than the last — because despite what vex thinks and how kaertok treated them he was still a kid — but vex bites them back. instead, he offers the wildfire colored man a cocky, haughty smile that tugs at the edges of his lips in a silent challenge that invites him to go ahead and try. vex might be a kid still but he wouldn’t let anyone touch him without a helluva fight.

the insult to his intelligence does not go unnoticed; though vex bites back the verbal response to that, too, but his annoyance is telltale in the flare of his nostrils and the slight curl of his upper lip.

like i’m actually going to tell you vex wants so bad to counter and snipe. you always run around harassing kids? maybe you should tell me your name so i can warn others about your ugly mug, yeah? vex counters, the itch too great. the satisfaction he feels afterwords is short lived and petty but he basks in it while he can.

word count: 205

"No," Merlin replied with the confidence and solemnity of a lawyer. "I harrass only those, who perform unsolicited pooping right before other people's noses," why not throw a little bit of exaggeration for the fun of it. But by now the anger had dwindled completely and there was smile tugging at the corner's of the yearling's lips and glinting in his eyes. 

"There has to be some order in the world, regarding, where poop goes," he continued the thought. "Otherwise - if people shit, where they want, it will be madness and chaos. Horrible," he said. "So, insults aside - this ugly mug runs by name Merlin," he introduced himself and had he been a person, he would have extended his hand for a shake. 

"And your mugly highness is?" he tilted his head to the side, as he asked this.

vex rolls his eyes. like i said, shoulda picked a better place to sleep. because so long as the older male wasn’t letting it go then neither was vex. still filled with an unending stream of childish pettiness, he was prepared to hold out for a long time. so, what, vex cannot help the loud snort that he makes; just barely holding back the snicker that dearly wishes to accompany it. you hold it until you find a pre-approved spot to poop? vex laughs. vex was an embodiment of madness and chaos and had little regard for rules — clearly because why else would he be on a hush-hush trip with his sister? who was waiting somewhere nearby, no doubt.

probably thinking this was the longest poop ever.

merlin? vex repeats, surprised for all the harassing doing that he’d actually gotten the older man’s name. of course, the question circles back to him. again. there were several names vex could give him — any one of them would’ve been accurate. piguktuk. he finally offers, forcing it reluctantly out betwixt his teeth like it was physically painful to say.

since thus far haunt and him were giving their ‘tartok’ names, it was only right he keep the continuation even with this unexpected diversion.

word count: 212

"That's the key to potty-training, didn't your mom teach you?" Merlin bit back playfully, because poop jokes never get old. However, what came next was more hilarious than their previous discussion. He guffawed, when the boy announced that his name was - wait, what? - Pig? Geez, either those parents had no common sense or they had really hated their kid. No wonder, he was grumpy and soiled, where he shouldn't. Now that was very Freud of Merlin, don't you think? Never mind, he is an ass.

"A pig? Really?" he asked with sympathy in his voice. "And you clearly hate that name too," he went on in the tone of "I do not blame you". "Why don't you choose something that you actually like?"

uh, no, vex huffs with a scoff. who’s mom tells them to hold their poop? if merlin’s mom did… well, then, he felt mighty sorry for him — but not sorry enough to be anything more than snarky, unfortunately. what? vex asks, upper lip curling. no, vex growls, rankled at out of the entire name ‘pig’ was the thing merlin had latched onto. likely, it shouldn’t have surprised the legionnaire because it was an unusual name …but not anymore unusual than ‘vexation’. piguktuk means haughty. it’s what my father calls me. or called him, rather; the endgame of his and haunt’s little trip was still largely unknown.

which reminds vex that if he didn’t get back to her soon there was a good chance his polar sister would either come looking for him or leave him behind.

my mother calls me a different name. but he doesn’t have the time, nor the patience to explain the strange naming rituals of his parents. i like my name, thanks. vex emphasizes with an annoyed flick of his tail against his haunches; mostly his reluctance was founded largely in the idea of this guy knowing his name ( or one of them, anyway ). listen, it’s been nice, it feels like a lie as vex says it because, largely, it is ( and clearly he has no issue lying out his teeth ) but i gotta jet.

word count: 230

"Haughty, huh? You have some serious growing up to do, before you are good enough for that eloquent term. Now you seem more like a whiny prissy to me," Merlin told the boy his opinion, bluntly honest and totally unashamed of himself. 

"Okay, Pig - displeasure of meeting you was all mine!" he called after the guy, watched him disappear and then went on about his business. Which was at this point finding a better place to sleep in hopes that no one used it as a latrine.