Whitefish River You-you-you-you threw my sandwich away. *MY* sandwich?

title inspo: because i feel as thought emrik's worry and despair matches ross's worry and despair in this moment

set after this thread

He could not believe his luck. Could not believe it. He had asked everyone, everywhere. He had scoured the entire territory...

She was missing. His WIFE was missing. HIS wife was missing. MISSING.

What was he supposed to do? Should he call Evergreen and Ira? No not Ira she was close to her due date as well... Maybe Connor would help him search. Or the kids? No, no he couldn't worry them. Emrik was beside himself with worry. His thought's running rampant. Where could she go? Had something happened? Why didn't she come find him?

Emrik paced, back and forth, back and forth, outside their den. Head bowed in worry. He chewed on his lip, and shook his head as he dismissed theory after theory. She had only been gone a few hours, he had seen her this morning before heading out on an early patrol. He had kissed her good morning, and left before she could have fully awaken.

But now he regretted leaving at all. How could he have let this happen? Maybe it was Moonspear? Maybe they had found her? Oh god. The theories he came up with kept getting worse and worse. @Speedy where the hell was she?!

LOL poor emrik

She was very tired by the time she made it back home, solidifying her suspicion that she had pushed herself to do too much today. But it was difficult with so much responsibility on her shoulders. And with already starting the season behind on plants, she felt she really had a lot of catching up to do before she was primarily confined to the den for the rest of the summer. 

The den was welcome sight after a long day. Her feet hurt, her abdomen was sore, and she was ready to curl up with Emrik and listen to him talk about his day. What wasn't a very welcome sight was that of her very patient and normally cheerful husband pacing in front of the entrance to their den. Worry radiated off of him, making her heart race and her stomach sink. She wondered what was wrong. Hopefully none of the children were hurt. 

She sprinted towards him as fast as her roundness would allow, dropping her mouthful of plants as she stopped in front of him. Emrik? A worried frown formed on her face. What's wrong?

His head snapped up as Speedy's scent permeated the area, her frame hobbling toward him once she finally caught sight of him. Emrik let out the longest sigh of relief, he felt himself shaking from the sudden lightheadedness. She was safe! She was alright... she was standing right in front of him.

"Oh thank God. Speedy! Where have you been?" He stepped forward to greet her, he quickly pressed against her, resting his chin on her head. He took a few shaky breaths, and small sob parting his lips. "I've been looking for you everywhere. No one knew where you were."

He shook his head, still slightly traumatized. "I — I assumed the worst..." His voice fell off and he took a few moments to reassure himself that she was in fact standing in front of him.

She was very confused at first, although she accepted his affectionate greeting readily. His words were rushed and filled with distress but by the time he had finished speaking, it all clicked. She had  left without telling anyone, which was incredibly stupid, and of course Emrik would notice her absence right away. She was usually with him or resting in the den when she wasn't checking on packmates or tending to her plants. She felt awful for causing him so much worry. 

I'm sorry, Emrik, she said first, her voice soft as she nuzzled into his fur. I needed some more plants, she explained. I couldn't find you, and I know gathering plants isn't your favorite... She pulled back a little to look at him. I didn't go very far from the borders, I promise. She knew it wouldn't make him feel any better, though. Honestly, she expected him to be angry with her; she would be angry with him if their roles were reversed, and she wouldn't hesitate to inform him of how she felt. She was actually a little angry with herself for being so reckless, and while carrying their children. She was so worried about taking care of everyone else, that she hadn't made sure to take care of herself and by extension, her mate. Here was all upset, and it was her fault. With Moonspear still a very real threat in their lives, she could only imagine the conclusion he had drawn.

He was so relieved that he almost missed what she said. Simply happy to have her at his side once again. But he did hear what she said. ...I didn't go very far from the borders, I promise...from the border... "Wait...what?!" He pulled away from her suddenly, confusion marring his face as he looked at her. "Who were you with?" He thought he had spoken to everyone. Had he missed someone. Aside from Speedy's children, and Ira, Emrik was pretty sure he spoke to everyone. But surely she didn't mean to tell him that she had LEFT the territory, WHILE heavily pregnant, WITHOUT him, and WITHOUT any protection of any kind. He knew that couldn't be true. He just knew it.....right?

Again, she realized she hadn't really thought her plans through very well, especially when she realized she would have to admit to Emrik that she had wandered from the borders by herself. Her ears fell and she looked away, the picture of guilty. I wasn't with anyone, she told him hesitantly. Well, except for the other medic she had met while out. But she didn't need to tell him about meeting a stranger right now. She would tell him about it later, when things had calmed down. I wasn't too far to call for hel— she started to say, but quickly cut the sentence off when she realized it wouldn't make things any better. I'm fine, though, she assured him. Just tired. Yes, she was trying to change the subject because she could almost feel his anger bubbling under the surface, growing hotter with every word she spoke.

He fully stepped away from her at her admission, swallowing thickly Emrik gave her a once over. His eyes scanning her again, clinically, without emotion. Verifying that she wasn't bleeding all over the place, or hurt in any sense of the word. Because if she had been, there was no telling the fury that would have rained down. The rage that would have consumed him. He took a few calming breaths, trying to come to a logical conclusion.

"Is someone dying?" It wasn't often that Emrik whipped the emotion from his tone, and the feelings from his gaze. Especially from Speedy. She was his confidant, his sounding board, his everything. So to hide his emotions from her. There was certainly going to be hell to pay. "Because that is the only reason I could imagine you venturing anywhere outside the territory in your condition." There was a bite to the edge of his words, the only inkling to the storm brewing within him.

He stepped away from her, and the space he left between then felt icy and wrong. Then he zipped up his emotion behind a carefully constructed blank mask. She didn't see him like this often, and never was he like this with her that she could remember. The only reason for his sudden stoney exterior in the past was to hide some overwhelming emotion. And she was suddenly very wary of what lay beneath the surface.

When he did finally speak, his question made her frown. That was until he finished his sentence by pointing out just how stupid she had been. He didn't say it quite that way, but it was implied, and she couldn't even be angry about it. She stared at him silently for a few moments before answering. No one is dying as far as I know, she offered quietly. Wary, golden eyes searched his face as she waited for his reaction.

"No one is dying." His words quick on the edge of her own. "No one is dying." He repeated once again, louder this time. In case she hadn't heard him the first. He shook his head with a wary, exhausted, fake laugh. "No one is dying." He repeated once more only a whisper this time, his head dropping to his chest.

"How could you." While the words were phrased like a question, it was really more of a statement. How could she. Emrik could not remember a time when he had been so furious with her, so angry that words couldn't help. "You were ALONE outside the territory. ALONE SPEEDY! ANYTHING could have happened!" And the pacing started again. His pattern a small box, as he walked around and around, his feet moved quickly. Frantic.

"And what then. WHAT THEN! What IF something had happened? Hm?" He turned on her suddenly, finally his emotions cracking. Tears collecting in the corner of each eye, tears of fury and immense worry. "What am I supposed to do without you? What about our kids?" Realizing how that sounded he turned away again, "Not the ones you are carrying, but Acheron, Syrma, and Spica. What am I supposed to tell them? God Speedy, how could you."

She watched him again as he repeated her words over and over. And his strange, fake laugh? She knew then that this was going to be bad. She had messed up big time.

How could you. He might as well have brandished her with his teeth; it hurt just the same. And then the yelling came, bringing tears to her own eyes. He had never spoken to her in that way, and the thought squeezed her heart. She wanted to move back to him, but he was frantically pacing, and she was afraid he would push her away.

She didn't have answers to any of his questions. What if something had happened to her? She didn't know. And then he brought up the kids, and the tears spilled down her cheeks, infinitely fueled by regret and hormones. She swallowed hard and drew in a shaky breath.  I don't know what to say, Emrik, she finally said. She sniffled. I just want everyone to be taken care of, and I didn't think it through. The tears still spilled, now in response to the wetness she saw in his eyes and her incredible guilt. I'm really sorry. She moved over to him but didn't dare touch him. Instead, she just took a seat nearby.

His charade over and done, with he took a moment to look at his mate. His steps coming to a staggering halt. His own tears spilling to join her's in the dirt. She found her words, and he let them wash over him like a salve over a burn. She sat near enough to reach each other but he could also see her hesitation. It broke his heart.

He took a deep breath. Reaching out to her. Sinking back into her familiar embrace. "I know you want everyone to be taken care of Speedy." He was exhausted from his frantic search earlier and then the explosion of his anger a moment ago. He was wiped. And it was evident in his tone. "But if you won't think on my behalf, or your children's behalf, then at least think of the pack. You are our only healer, Speedy. If something happened to you, the whole pack would be worse off." Emrik rested his head atop her's, still slightly shaking as his emotions rolled within him.

He was the one to close the distance between them, and she pressed against him, desperate to find some kind of sign that he would eventually forgive her. She couldn't bear for him to be so angry with her, especially during this vulnerable time.

She listened quietly as he spoke, nodding against him in agreement because he wasn't wrong. She would leave the pack in a bind if something happened to her. I know, she said softly. I'm sorry. I promise I won't leave the territory at all until after the children are weaned. His reaction would stay a scar on her heart for a very long time, and she had no intention of causing him so much distress ever again, at least not intentionally. 

But— she began hesitantly. I do think about you and our children, all of our children, every day, she said, pulling back so that she could look at him. How could she not. She had never been so happy in her entire life. How can I make this up to you? she pleaded. I'll do anything you want. And really, she would. All she wanted was to move past this and go back to how things were before her stupid mistake.

She pulled back and instead of showing her his anger and rage he tried to convey the worry. But he could see in her eyes that she understood where he was coming from and why he was so worked up. He nodded along to her words, to emotional to think of speaking in turn.

But when she was finally silent for a length of time, Emrik took the moment to formulate his responds. There wasn't any way to fix this, just prevent it in the future. "Just...just never do it again ok? I don't know what I would do without you." He murmured, and he pulled her back in. No longer appreciating the space she had created.

His request was easy for her to agree to; she had actually already promised as much, so she just nodded and nuzzled her face into his fur when he pulled her close once more. I don't know what I would do without you either, she murmured. Really, just the thought made her chest tighten with panic and sadness. She remained pressed against him for a bit, not saying anything, but eventually the cramps made themselves known again. And shortly after, she was reminded of how tired she really was. She yawned against his fur and shifted a little uncomfortably. 

Want to take a nap? she asked softly. She had to take a lot of them lately, and sometimes she would ask him to join her; those were her favorite naps. But now, she wondered if he would, or if he was still too upset with her. She could tell he was still angry, even if he was trying not to show it, so she wouldn't blame him if he wasn't interested in indulging her.

They stayed leaning against one another for some time. Soaking in each others presence. Finally Speedy grew uncomfortable, as Emrik knew she would. With a soft smile he nodded his head, he could really use a good nap.