Redhawk Caldera so please don't get me rescued.

set the night following Junior's demise!

The events of the day had been something like a nightmare during daylight.  Explaining what had happened to her packmates had been terrible, as had listening to Fox as she made her decrees to them had been worse.  Something had snapped in the alpha, and where she had risen above with fury and fire, her mate had sunken under and drowned in her wake.  Fin had crept into hers and Elwood's den that night to snuggle up at her lover's side and attempt to sleep.  Her nerves had not cooperated and she'd stayed up most of the night tossing and turning and absolutely dreading what was to come the next day.


But, eventually sleep did claim the Blackthorn.  Much like other nights, she was visited by a dream that she had seen before.  Winter swirling about, a frigid river frozen solid in front of her with a thick mist settled upon the world.  But something was different this time...  Finley was not alone.

Fin turned her gaze down at the little wolf at her side.  She didn't know who she was, but she could have been Wildfire's twin were it not for the soft chocolate in her eyes as opposed to sharp amber.  The girl smiled up at her and Fin smiled back before turning her gaze nervously back to the frozen river at their paws.  Just like before, like always, there came a call from across the way.  And much like always, Fin was afraid to follow it, though she felt so powerfully compelled to.  But before she could take a single step, her little companion burst forward into the mist with a happy wag of her tail, leaving Finley to stand alone on the shore.

When came the inevitable sound of cracking ice, Fin's eyes grew wide and she sprang out after the child.  Swiftly, she came to a halt in the middle of the ice, frantically looking one way and then the other, searching for the little girl.  Another crackle came then and Fin turned her nose towards the ice between her paws and there she saw that little red face - drowning beneath the ice, her brown eyes wide and staring up at her in terror.

Fin began to dig at the ice, crying out the little girl's name to no avail.  She began to drift down into the depths, her little red body fading into nothing while Fin's tears spilled down her cheeks.  The Blackthorn flattened herself against the ice, sobbing and staring at the darkness where her baby had disappeared when quite suddenly, they appeared - two chillingly blue eyes upon a black face glaring at her.  Before Fin could scream, the ice beneath her splintered and she was falling, falling, falling...


"Elwood," Fin whispered, panic evident in her voice as she prodded him frantically with her nose, "Elwood.  Wake up, @Elwood - Please.  Something's wrong."  There were tears in her eyes as her entire body trembled violently.  When finally her lover did awake and look at her, she rolled onto her side and parted her legs with a sob to show him the blood that was smeared all across her abdomen and spilling onto the floor.

Elwood slept hard that night. Things had spiraled out of control so quickly -- he didn't truly understand what had happened until Finley explained it. Junior was one of Peregrine's daughters. She had attempted to kill Wildfire; that part he had witnessed with his own eyes. She hadn't stood a chance against Fox and Finley, and Peregrine had been tasked with the difficult job of ending the life of his own offspring.

The ramifications had been hard to swallow. Thankfully, Wildfire would be okay -- but Fox had come down with an iron fist, demoting Peregrine to the bottom of the ranks and declaring that all outsiders were to be treated as trespassers. This would not be difficult for Elwood to uphold, as he didn't have any real acquaintances outside of the pack. But it would be painful to see Peregrine reduced to a shell of himself.

It took a while for Elwood to fall asleep, but once he did, he was dead to the world. His sleep was dreamless, just an endless black void -- quite the opposite of what Finley was experiencing right next to him. He didn't wake until she started shoving him roughly with her nose, and slowly her voice registered in his mind and pulled him back into consciousness.

At first, he didn't see what was wrong; blearily, he blinked sleep from his eyes. Then he took in Finley's panicked expression and his gaze traveled down to her stomach. Her fur was matted in blood, and it was spattered across the floor as well. Immediately, Elwood shot upright, his eyes widening in alarm. "What the hell," he breathed, then moved to sweep his nose across her belly and haunches, his heartbeat thrumming in his ears. "What happened?!"

The moment of relief that Finley felt when Elwood finally awoke was extremely short-lived.  She whined as he explored the mess of blood upon her haunches, twitching as his nose bumped against her belly which was more sensitive to the touch than ever it had been before.  Nervously she panted and licked her lips, her ears slicked back upon her head as she watched him with wide eyes.


"I don't know," Fin whimpered, shaking her head, "I was sleeping and I had a nightmare and when I woke up there was just.. blood and... It feels like something's clawing at my insides."  She wriggled against the ground and leaned down towards her abdomen, running her tongue along her skin, trying to clean herself up.  She managed to clear a small patch of blood to reveal her pale belly before she looked back up at Elwood, desperation apparent on her face. 

He hadn't really expected her to know what was happening with her body; the terror in her expression was enough to tell him that she was as clueless as he was. Panic gripped his throat, making it hard to breathe as he tried to decide what to do. Finley panted and licked at her stomach worriedly as he deliberated, knowing that each second that ticked past could only make things worse.

There was no healer in the pack, and he was loathe to leave her side anyway. He cursed himself inwardly for not learning more about medicine, then even went so far as to blame Ashton -- for disappearing all those months ago without a word. "Damn it," he whispered, then leaned down and began to clean Finley's fur with his tongue.

"Just try and relax for a minute," he said, his ears moving forward and back uncertainly on his head. "Should we...should I call for someone?" he then asked, pausing in his licking to meet Finley's gaze.

If she had been expecting some great words of wisdom from her lover, Fin was quickly disappointed as he asked her to relax and then suggested they call someone.  "Call who?" she replied shrilly.  Who were they going to call?  Ashton was long gone and the only other wolf that showed any interest in healing was Tiger.  And while any other wolf might have seen some promise in her, Fin still saw the little girl that used to wet herself and cry about it on a nightly basis.


Finley moaned as another throb of pain glanced through her abdomen.  She gave an exasperated breath as she leaned back down to continue cleaning herself, frantically trying to gain her composure but most of all to think.  "I don't understand.. did you kick me while you were sleeping or something?" she asked, definitely reaching but unable to come up with an explanation that actually made any sense, "God it hurts, why does it have to hurt, what is going on..."  

He doesn't know what to do and neither do I! >_>

Finley echoed Elwood's own thoughts by asking who he thought he would call to help -- there really was no one. And even though he felt the same way, he shrunk away at the sharpness of her tone. He knew that it wasn't her fault -- that she was apparently in a great deal of pain -- but the helplessness they both experienced only seemed to make things worse. He felt inadequate and desperate, and his pulse quickened with each passing second.

She suggested -- through gritted teeth -- that he had perhaps kicked her in his sleep, but he shook his head. He didn't think he had; and if that were the case, how could he have pummeled her hard enough to cause this much damage? Something was wrong, very wrong, and Elwood thought back to Finley's bout of nausea a few weeks ago. Maybe it was a lingering effect of the illness -- it could have been a much worse bug than they initially thought.

Had he hands, he would have been wringing them fretfully. He nudged at her gently as she curled inward, struck by what appeared to be another wave of intense pain, offering her the only thing that he could -- his presence.

here lemme help!

The tears continued to stream down her cheeks as she cleaned herself up. The pain seemed to come and go which was somewhat of a relief albeit a small one. Elwood seemed to withdraw slightly from her after she'd snapped at him, which caused her to whine and shuffle closer to him. It was clear that neither of them had any idea what to do, but as the minutes passed without her symptoms worsening further, she did actually manage to calm down. a little, anyway. After all, it wasn't like there was anything else they could do but just... wait to see if she died, as melodramatic as it seemed.

After a while, Fin leaned back to stare ponderously at her stomach. She was still thoroughly frightened, but now that she'd cleaned herself up it seemed a little less... a little... less... "Oh my god," Fin whispered quite suddenly, her eyes widening even further, if that was even possible. All at once, her trembling came back more violent than before as what felt like a glacier slipped down her throat into her stomach.

 Her stomach. What was the first thing Fox had done when she'd found out...

 "I'm..."

And that bug... that flu thing...

"Elwood, I'm..."

That week, that terrible, fretful, insane week of restlessness and misery. That hadn't been spring fever, that was...

Slowly, Fin turned to look at Elwood. The tears had stopped, the trembling had ceased. All that was left was a look of shock, of emptiness, and of terrible, horrible heartbreak as Fin finally realized, far too late.

"...I was..."

Why thank you!

Gradually, Finley calmed down -- and when she did, so did Elwood. He lowered himself back to the ground, curling himself protectively around her as they both tended to her stomach. He found himself lost in thought for a few minutes, thinking back to the events of that day, so when Finley broke the silence with a gasp, he froze. Caught off guard, he straightened once more, peering down at her face with concern.

Realization became apparent in her expression, but Elwood was still in the dark. He stared at her, trying to understand her whispered words and incomplete sentences. A strange quiet had come over her; he noticed that she had stopped shaking and her eyes no longer welled with tears. Only when she looked him straight in the face -- her soft brown eyes meeting his and communicating nothing but heartbreak -- did he understand.

She had been pregnant.

Instantly, Elwood's world turned on end and he felt himself reeling. He reached out for her to steady himself, his mind racing. How was that possible? Well, he knew the answer to that question -- but how had it happened without either of them realizing it? How had they been so stupid? His heart swelled for a moment, then immediately deflated. She wasn't pregnant anymore -- the fight with Junior, the physical exertion she had put on her body that day -- it had been enough to end it. His hopes and dreams -- the ones he had been afraid to admit -- came crashing down around them.

"Oh, god..." he murmured, closing his eyes. "Oh, Finley..."

I should not reply to this thread during work ;_;

Finley felt numb, even as she watched the realization come across her lover's face.  Amidst the shock and wonder, she saw for a very brief instant a flicker of joy.  It was gone almost the instant it came, and out of self-preservation, she chose to look away.  She couldn't stand to see the look of heartbreak that came next.  She had let him down, she had, once again, been so stupid and foolish that she'd hurt someone so deeply, so horribly... She was going to be a mother.  She was going to make him a father.  She'd had no idea how desperately she'd wanted those things, and now it was all gone.. Slipping away.  Fin was a failure.

For the moment, she felt oddly detached from those horrible thoughts that ran freely through her mind.  She kept her gaze upon the trickle of blood that continued to stream across her legs and while it still hurt, it was nothing to her.  And yet it was everything... This was all she was ever going to feel of her children; the pain of losing them.  It was the most terrible, crushing feeling she'd ever felt, but if it was all she was going to ever get, Fin would take it.

;______;

For a few long moments, neither wolf moved or spoke. Their thoughts swirled in turmoil, consuming each of them with silence -- horrible, wretched, painful silence. The physical space between them suddenly felt like miles, and Elwood felt himself moving back towards Finley, wrapping himself around her smaller body, cradling her, pressing his muzzle into the curve of her neck. It was as though he was watching himself from afar, however -- an out of body experience, of sorts, as though he was looking down on the situation from above. How had this happened to them? It just didn't seem possible.

There was nothing to be said. Elwood's words failed him, and even if he had been able to speak, he wasn't sure anything would be adequate to describe the way that he felt. His heart ached for Finley; as much as this killed him, he knew that her damage would be tenfold. It felt odd to mourn something that neither of them had actually admitted that they wanted, but in the heavy stillness all of their wishes hung by a trembling, quivering thread.

I'ma close this up since I can't see them doing much else ):

Fin leaned into Elwood as he wrapped himself around her, eager for his warmth and for his touch and yet finding no comfort in it.  She wanted to tell her heart that they were in this together, that this loss belonged to both of them.  But there was one fact that divided them so vastly - he had done nothing to deserve this.  It was all her doing.  She was the one who was ignorant to the signs of her body.  She was the one who so stupidly kept pushing herself when her body begged to slow down.  She was the one who had thrown herself into battle with Junior and with anything else she could, to hell with whatever objections her body might have been trying to tell her.  She had killed them.  She had killed his children.  She didn't deserve him, or them, or anything.


Cowardice and terrible shame kept the words glued to her tongue.  Silently, she laid her head downs, reaching to pull Elwood's arm closer so that she could place a few licks upon his paw before she pressed her muzzle against it and shut her eyes.  There would be time later to discuss what to tell the pack - or actually, what not to tell them.  For now, the pair simply held each other, each making sure that the other did not fall away to drown in their misery.

<3

Elwood pulled Finley close as she leaned into him, hoping that she found as much comfort in their embrace as he did. He believed that what didn't kill them would only make them stronger, but even this circumstance was enough to make him doubt that. It didn't feel like they would ever move on from this.

He drew in a shaky breath and closed his eyes, though he knew that sleep wouldn't come. Time would slow to a crawl that night, and only when the first rays of dawn peeked over the horizon would they speak of what had happened.