The Sunspire Linger of self doubt

Jace traversed the borders, head down low. His mind anywhere, but where it should be. He didn't know who to talk too. Truthfully, he didn't even know what to talk about. He was sort of just existing traveling through life, with no purpose other than to do his best by the pack. Lately, though even the pack was nothing to be super proud of. Granted they had their tiny few, but lately it seemed like no one as around.

It was almost as if they all just existed in the same space, but never meeting up with each other. It was a hard pill to swallow, and it worried him. He feared that the pack would fall apart, or he would lose those few he did care about. He laughed bitterly to himself, even Vienna was leaving. He knew it was only a matter of time. That didn't mean that it didn't smart as much though, even if he knew it was coming.

Her travels had long since concluded and yet she still struggled to focus. Even keeping more to herself than usual, resting up, and trying to throw herself fully into the Sunspire routine had failed to inspire her deeply. Something felt off, everyone was drifting (with a few plain missing..?), and she did not know if she could pull it back together.. or if they even really wanted it to happen. Maybe the thirst for change would become too intense, and just maybe this was not the true path. She pinned her ears, loping forward as purposefully as she  could as she was returning from another short foray beyond the mountainside.. that seemed to struggle to keep her rooted.

Her journey had done well to reaffirm her strength , and now that her coat had shedded out in full (to leave her excessive hackles, but she could tolerate this), she knew she should have been finding herself in a better place. Her confidence in her physical self was great -- she felt good, down to her bones, but anxiety and unease clouded her thoughts even still. Instead, she felt split and pulled apart, with frustration gathering by the moment due to this. Her attachment to the few faces that remained did run painfully deep, but even so, there was always... the lure of more, somehow.

Amekaze wore her frown openly, even when she came upon Jace. He looked inexplicably weighed down and oddly empty all at once. She rumbled at him anyway, despite it all, and swept close to nip his shoulder. You have looked better the concern in her minty eyes intended to say as she gave him a long look. Jace was suffering, and it did not need someone as perceptive as her to see it.

She did hope she was not as obvious as he was.

Jace loved the Sunspire, he loved Ame, he loved his family. But he just didn't have a purpose anymore, at least he didn't feel like he did. There was something off within his own soul, and he couldn't quite place it. As if his dark fur was leeching into his soul there, and turning everything black. Jace understood the wander lust that both Ame and Vienna had, he himself had felt it a few times. However, he was a solitary wolf and preferred his own company and his own home. He took comfort in routines and disliked change imensely. 

Jace did not ask Ame how her trips had gone. Preferring ot leave those thoughts to herself. However, he knew he would have to ask her again. And if she was okay being back, he knew she was not a wolf that stayed in one place long. He could remember how long it took Ferdie to get her to stay. He remembered it well. And then despite his best intentions, Ferdie had forced her into a position where she had no way out of it, and she had to stay. It wasn't very fair, but then again Ferdie hadn't been towards the end.

Jace moved at first when Ame came, surprised at her entrance. He then however gave her a small smile and nipped her back. A strange expression on his face as he looked about him. Vienna and Sumayl left. Vienna said they'll be back, that they are just visiting his family and for her to learn herbal lore. But I find I cannot summon the hope that she will return. Then he grew quiet again and just stood still. Allowing Ame to take what she would from his limited speech.

She observed him. Jace's mannerisms were surprisingly well-understood, and it just screeched at her that something troubled him even before he spoke. However, when she did, her ears pulled back and this was just the sort of news she ought to have expected.

Vienna was important to Jace; Ame knew he would move earths for the bright outrider should she ever need it. This blow, while bittersweet in its way, was surely aching him.

Amekaze was quiet, somber, and utterly thoughtful for a beat. She shifted only to lean against him, shoulder-to-shoulder in a silent gesture. There was not a firm finality in Vienna's leaving, but his grim words told her he had read between the lines of this. Ame could not say how her breaking the news to him had gone (since she figured there had been a conversation, judging by what he had already shared) or if her hints had been any at all. "Why do you think she will not ever return?" she pried as gently as she knew how to look for his thoughts on it. Meanwhile, she knew the possibilities were vast.

Mated pairs did often go their own way. Sumayl had never appeared overly attached (not that she knew him well), Vienna could shift with the winds themselves, and the mountain did seem to be repelling wolves as of late. All together, maybe the timing just worked out for them..

After another pause, she sighed sadly. "I am sad to see her go," she murmured.

Jace never argued taht his sister was important to him, more important to him than anyway, even his parents. Some could even speculate of that if they wished too, though there was nothing to speculate other than a doting brother and a sister that deserved it.  He watched as Ame's ears went backwards, and he supposed he could have delivered his news a little better. She too liked Vienna and enjoyed her company, some could possibly call them friends. 

Jace accepted her kind gesture and nudged her softly, to let her know he appreciated it. Jace turned blue eyes to her and frowned in thought. For starters everyone knows Sumayl hates me Ame. So I imagine he would want my sister as far away from me as possible anyway. But add that to the fact that Vienna can't sit still for her life. I love her dearly, but she has an adventurer heart, and I wouldn't change it, but it's heartbreaking all the same.

Mated pairs did often go their own way. Sumayl had never appeared overly attached (not that she knew him well), Vienna could shift with the winds themselves, and the mountain did seem to be repelling wolves as of late. All together, maybe the timing just worked out for them..

Jace tilted his head, he knew very well himself about mated pairs and moving on. He had expected it, to be frank, knew it would come. Now it was here and his sister was gone for an undetermined amount of time and it chafed. He sighed, expelling his breath quickly and strangely from his nose and then looked about him.

Jace gave her a half hearted smile and nodded, I am too.

Her ears splayed. Since she had hardly known Sumayl beyond passing glances, she could not always fully fathom the depths of his and Jace's disagreements. She could always imagine it well, though, for Jace expressed it readily, although this did not give her much for Sumayl's motivation; so, she managed a small nod.

Of course her love of travel would make sense here. This was the good in it -- at least they would know Vienna ought to be happy facing adventure in the unknown with her mate at her side. Amekaze sighed, but it was a note heavy with sadness even still as she tried to look towards the good in this and hope that Jace could see it too. "It is.. at least she is leaving on good circumstance, and not lost or worse." Ame frowned. For it could always be worse.

She knew better than to try to ease his sorrow for now. It was rightful in its place. She had been an unholy wreck when her favorite siblings were taken from her life, and while their circumstances were much different (and permanent to boot), even a fraction of that hurt seemed monumental still. The empathy she felt was unmistakable, but expressing this was where she'd inevitably struggle. She was here for him, though. For whatever it may be worth. He was not a wolf of many bonds..  this loss of one was bound to hurt, and for a long while.

She saw through his half-hearted smile and chuffed, then watched him quietly. Was this just part of why it felt so...off  here lately? He looked about oddly, and she didn't quite know why but attempted to follow his stare. She softly shook her head, edged a touch closer to him and felt utterly uncertain of how to voice how she felt entirely;it left a tightness in her throat she couldn't ignore.