Blackbeak Bluff lamentando

Mature Content Warning

This thread has been marked as mature. By reading and/or participating in this thread, you acknowledge that you are of age or have permission from your parents to do so.

The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: just a tw for thoughts of suicide, in case people need it. Boy is going through it

At first Ashlar thought of the bear. It would be fitting. Poetic. The bear was where his life had ended, then begun again.

And then ended… and begun again.

Instead the broken compass led him west, southward to the cliffs that rose over the sea. He barely noticed the journey. He spent a long, long time staring down into the water below.

It would be easier. Perhaps, now, no one would mind. He had been a figure of another’s life for so long that all other connections now lay faded and disused. They would never notice the frayed ends coming loose as he fell. Maybe there was even music in the sea.

Grief overwhelmed him at that thought, but instead of falling forward, he collapsed to the ground at the edge. He knew he couldn’t; he was a coward, remember? Too scared to follow. To afraid to die.

He should have gone to the bear. The only way death would catch him was by outrunning him.

Ashlar sobbed his broken heart out into the rocks, drowned out by the waves and the gulls crying overhead.

Raelle stole from Sapphique without a word to any of the others. She had finally begun to — see. To notice. She was not as favored as the other women of Sapphique; her rank remained lower. And she supposed it made sense; she'd been hurt, and then recovering for so long, and then isolated from the others by some kind of lingering awkwardness from existing as a ghost in the pack. Rae wasn't quite as integrated as others had become — and most of them were family. It made sense.

Still, she entertained thoughts of leaving. Was it an overreaction on her part to feel unvalued? And she hardly saw Suzu anymore, it felt. Rae passed through the sound, consumed by her troubled thoughts, and beyond.

It almost felt like fate when she found the man sobbing on the ground at the edge of the cliffs. Rae drew up alongside him in silence, a small distance still between them. She peered out over the edge and wondered if he would really do it. Obviously he hadn't yet. She shot a glance at him, then back out to the sea. She wondered if she would really do it.

It wasn't like she had anything to show for nearly two years spent struggling and grasping with ugly clawed fingers for every shred of success. Each one dissolved to dust in the end. Rae took in a deep breath.

You think it's less shitty out there?

There was a time when her presence would have tied his tongue up. When he would have met her with cheerful surprise or anticipatory curiosity. Instead he did not even bother looking up.

It has to be. Doesn’t matter, though. I can’t. He replied, his words somewhat broken by the shaking of his shoulders.

He should be able to. He was no good to anyone here. He was no father. He was no mate. He was no fighter, no leader, and certainly no healer. All he had were useless songs. When it really mattered, Ashlar had never managed to make a difference. It was time for him to stop acting like he could.

Maybe shitty is all some of us deserve.