Moonspear ^____________^

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She stood at the foot of the mountain, staring at the fringes of Ouroboros Spine. It was so close, Treepie could probably make it there in minutes if she dashed across the thin strip of no man’s land that separated the territories. Two things stopped her presently.

The first was her very own body. Pie took a steadying breath around the sudden knot in her belly. She felt shaky, for no reason she could pinpoint, and it mystified her. Inhaling and exhaling again, she set her eyes on her grandmother’s village. She took a step, then another.

She paused after a dozen, her breath rapid and shallow. Her legs trembled. Tiuttuk felt an overwhelming urge come over her: she needed to turn back! Mindlessly, the youngster pivoted and scrambled back toward Moonspear, crouching just past its borderline and trying to catch her breath.

Once she did, she decided to heed the second thing holding her back. Pie called out for @Alaric, hopeful that the man’s comforting, familiar presence might suppress this inexplicable fight-or-flight mode.

Alaric had been watching silently from a farther outcropping. He had taken to requenting the higher rocks to look down on the bordres since Maggak and Acrux had left them and little pauk too. His own children silent at the best of times. Perhaps the spear was not for all children. That saddened him a little. 

He watched as she moved forward and then backwards and he smiled softly when she called out. He slowly unwound himself from the spear rocks and trotted towards her. A gentle chuff when he was near.

Hello Tiuttuk.

The instant she heard his familiar footsteps, Treepie let out a shaky breath of relief. She scampered up to him with her usual enthusiasm, nuzzling affectionately at the bard’s chin. She really did feel much better, just having him here beside her.

Could we go to Moonglow? Just for a little visit? she asked when she pulled back, eyes bright.

There was a shadow behind them, though she didn’t mention her peculiar symptoms. Pie wanted to see if they happened when she wasn’t alone. If they did, she knew Alaric would help her. But she hoped his presence might make all the difference.

She turned, tail waving slowly as she faced the village over yonder.

A soft smoothing of her ears and head. Then he watched to see what she wanted. He kinda had an idea. But it was good to have her ask. Right?

He hoped so.

Sure we can. Do you want to go now? or wait unti morning?

He tilted his ear forward and looked down over. IT wasn't a far walk at all. He could easily howl to @Sialuk to let her know he was taking Pie to Moonglow.

Can we go now, please? she asked with another swish of her tail and a determined set to her jaw.

Presuming his agreement, she took a few tentative steps forward. She felt a little jittery, anticipating the peculiar symptoms to come over her at any moment. Treepie sipped in a deep breath and kept walking, slowly but surely headed toward the rim of the spine.

She looked backward at her elder for extra reassurance, shooting him a triumphant smile he may not understand. But then her eyes flicked past him, to the slopes of Moonspear, and it slid right off her face. She froze in place, neck still twisted, a horrible sense of dread hitting her like lightning.

Sure Can. He lifted a nose to gift a brief summary to @Sialuk that he and Treepie were heading to Moonglow and would be back. 

Alaric saw her face change and his heart went out to her. He picked his way downward and slowly bent his head until he was blocking her view. A warmth in his gaze and a small smile on his face. 

It's always hard to take that first step. Especially given you're circumstances.

It made sense she would worry her sibling disappeared. She would worry that she would disappear or never see the spear again, but he was with her. And moonglow wasn't far.

Let's take a deep breath and count to ten okay. I also want you to tell me what you see, hear, and smell.

Alaric shifted nearer, blocking off her view of the mountain. Noticing her hesitation, he offered reassurances. None of these had much of an effect on Pie—her limbs remained rigid, her heart pattering against her ribs—at least right away. But when his words properly landed, her brow furrowed.

My circumstances? she echoed faintly, not at all certain what he meant. Okay… Treepie added, her uncertainty evident both on her face and in her voice.

But she did as she was told. For some reason, Pie counted backward, not that she noticed. After uttering “one,” she took another deep breath and gazed up at Alaric, his large figure still taking up much of her visual field. But if she turned her head…

Her yellow eyes squeezed shut and she choked out, I can’t, as another wave of mysterious panic crashed over her.

He nodded his head. yes with your little sibling. That is what I meant. It can be scary and you see how sad your mama is. I would be nervous myself.

WEll then we won't. We go as far as we can. Turn around and go back and we try again the next day adn the next until we can do it. If you want too of course? Or we can stay around here for now. I have some antlers and bones in my Ulaq. I bet you if i look i can even find some tasty treats from my last hunting expedition. 

he thought then of the dried and cured meats he kept for the kids when they needed to take medicine or have something fixed healthwise.

Such relief flooded her at Alaric’s entreaty. How badly she wanted to run back to the mountain, dive into his ulaq and never leave! Treepie scarcely acknowledged this thought consciously, just nodding eagerly and pressing close. She clung to Alaric, shutting her eyes against the sights that so inexplicably assailed her.

Only when they were safely tucked into the Emprex’s ulaq did Pie properly open her eyes again. She let out a great sigh of relief as she curled up at the back of the familiar den. As she settled, she finally reflected on what had happened and what Alaric had said. She recalled her recent conversation with Bridget too.

But I’m not nervous or stressed, Tiuttuk insisted, sounding almost exasperated. At least, not until I set foot outside Moonspear. Then, all of a sudden… She drew in a great big breath. I don’t get it. I want to go places. But it’s like something inside me gets all… She gestured helplessly with a paw, repeating, I just don’t get it.

Alaric was worried about his little friend. He had a strong inkling of what was wrong.  And it could get better with exposure, time, in some cases herbs, but herbs were usually a temporary fix for what could be a permanent problem.

He held her close to his side as they hurried towards his den. And always made sure some of his comfiest furs were around for anyone who wanted to rest. Therefore he knew pie would find one to her liking. He puttered around finding some mint and some lavender, a few dried pieces of deer meat. 


Alaric lay the items down beside her. Lavender to calm you, mint in case your mouth tastes yucky and a snack if you're hungry.

A small smile. It gets all shivery and you feel sick and a huge pit of dread and you want to run the way you came. That is called well anxiety of a sort.

Alaric settled. Pie your sibling disappeared and your mama is sad and your sad. And sometimes without meaning too our brains decide hey i want to be safe and I want to make sure those i care for know I'm safe so they don't have to worry and stuff like this happens. It can be managed with exposure to the things that make you anxious, talking and sometimes herbs, but i like to use herbs last cause it manages it in the moment but not long term. Does that make sense?

He tried very hard to use words that made sense and to let Pie know there was nothing wrong with her that she somehow needed fix. It was a small blip in a tapestry of a long life she had yet to lead.

Her yellow eyes glanced at the offerings, then flicked up to his face as Alaric tried to diagnose what afflicted her. Pie didn’t argue when he said she was said about Pauk. She missed him and felt sympathy for their poor anaa, though she would’ve described herself as a perfectly happy individual up until recently.

Alaric made it sound as though her mind had, well, a mind of its own. Tiuttuk frowned thoughtfully. Sometimes Sialuk spoke of a shadow on her spirit. Perhaps Pie had one too and she just hadn’t been aware of it until now. She didn’t know how that was possible—how she could be so oblivious to her own affliction—but she couldn’t deny the Emprex described the experience to a “T.”

But why does it happen when I leave Moonspear? Or even just think about leaving? Pie wondered, thinking back on last week’s thwarted venture to the glen. I was fine the day anang and Killdeer took me to visit Great Grandma Towhee, at least until I got sick. But that was because I didn’t eat breakfast that morning, that’s all.

She realized it sounded like she was trying to argue with Alaric, which was definitely not her intention. Tiuttuk flashed him a smile, hoping he understood her frustration was directed at this inexplicable issue. He was only the messenger and she knew that.

She didn't seem to have much of an appetite, and he could understand. This was a moment of clarity and probably disappointment. It was hard to know that your own brain could betray you at times. His had, how many times had his betrayed him. Kept him in a situation that he was needing to be out of. 

Because Moonspear is safe and everything outside of moonspear is unknown to you. So it is a fear of the unknown in a way. You were with your anang and Killdeer. She is also a safe place or more so wolfess.

Alaric settled. You know I was once in a situation where someone treated me really really bad. But I stayed even though I shouldn't have, because my brain couldn't fathom leaving. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Just something to work on. And sometimes you just don't know how you are going to react until your mind does it. That's all. I'm sorry Pie. I wish I had a clearer answer. But stuff like this is hard to diagnose. And it is different for every single wolf.

Alaric tried to explain, though his words only made her feel more lost. Why didn’t she feel safe with him at her side then? And how could she consciously desire to travel, only for her subconscious to thwart her? Pie simply couldn’t grasp these things.

But she didn’t argue. She said nothing at all, just listening as he shared a personal anecdote. Maybe it would just take time to understand herself. She had plenty of that, though as she reflected in silence, she recalled their recent foray to the glen. That reminded her of the upcoming hunt.

Her heart sank like a stone. What if this fear continued afflicting her, preventing her from being able to participate? It was still weeks away, although Tiuttuk could cry at the thought of missing out on it. At the same time, her heart raced at the thought of leaving Moonspear to attend.

Would she be able to put in the work, like Alaric said, and resolve the problem in time? Treepie blinked tears from her eyes and let her chin drift to the ground, staring disconsolately into space.

He knew his explanation meant nothing. And that she didn't understand. No one really understood. He had been there himself a time or to. It was awful when your mind and sometimes your body betrayed you. But he hoped that the latter was not something she would ever need to deal with. He took a small shuddery breath as he calmed himself.

There were no more words. So Alaric sniffed at teh smaller girl and smiled softly. How about a cuddlefest and I can tell you a story?

Then he waited patiently for the yes or the no. And then he would adjust to what she wanted. Perhaps she would only want her mother.

Alaric’s voice broke into her brooding. Treepie shook her head at first. She was in no mood for—well, anything. But then a thought struck her and, just like that, she changed her mind.

Do you know of any stories about someone who overcame their fear? Pie asked, voice quiet.

Alaric didn't curl around her as she had not seemed to want him too. So he settled to his belly with a soft hmm and thought about it and slowly began. 

There once was a younger warrior, fair and kind, brave when she had to be. But she was sometimes riddled with fear.

He slowly began to use his paws to tell a story, a light in his green eyes as he continued. She was determined to be the best warrior she could be, but fear was keeping her behind. So she decided that she must conquer fear.

He took a breath and continued. Three times she went to fight fear, and three times she lost. Fear was able to dig deeply and pull her deepest thoughts foward and make her frozen. But the fourth time. She fell to her knees and she said. Fear I beg of you teach me how to beat you. For I cannot save my family and I must.

Fear said in a voice both loud and soft. My gift is to make you paralized with your thoughts. You think olf all that can go wrong. You think of those you will leave behind. But most of all you simply cannot step over such a thought. You must drown me out. YOu must decide to make a step foward despite the fear. Because after all Fear keeps you alive, you just have to turn it into a weapon to conquer itself. For after all what is fear, but a conquering of oneself.

This little warrior spent much time thinking on the words. And she did not understand until one day. She took one step foward and another and she beat fear back. Oh it was stil lthere in her mind. Fighting to be heard, but she drowned it out. She thought of the faces she loved. Of the triumph at the end. She looked forward not backward and thus conquered fear.

Alaric never failed to rise to the occasion. Treepie curled into a ball as he began his tale, eyes still unfocused but ears pricked to catch every word. His voice soothed her as much as the content of the story.

When he finished, she didn’t speak for a long time. She contemplated the story, particularly the personification of fear. If only Pie’s fear had a face, maybe she would understand it more. If only it had a mouth, maybe it could explain itself to her. She heaved a sigh.

One day, I hope I’m strong enough to move past my fear. Then I’ll be able to tell my own story to help others, she posited.

There was something else that had stuck with her: “Because, after all, fear keeps you alive.” It reminded her of a conversation she’d once had with anaa about pain. Her mother had explained that pain was actually a good thing, a signal to avoid bodily harm.

Maybe her Fear—she began thinking of it as an entity—was trying to warn her about the dangers of the unknown, like Alaric had implied. All Treepie had to do then was reassure it that traveling beyond Moonspear wasn’t necessarily dangerous. Oh, she knew it could be, but provided she took precautionary measures, traveling was a perfectly safe endeavor.

Thanks, Alaric, she thought to say after a long stretch of contemplative silence. You’ve given me a lot to think about, Pie told him, then reached out a foreleg to welcome that cuddle, after all.

Precious little one was curled in a ball unsure and sad. He worried after her. Unsure what he could do to help her. And it hurt.

I hope so too precious.

Alaric scooped her into his side and curled around her. Giving her all the love he could muster. Poor little one. Anxiety and fear were horrifying. And they paralyzed you.