Lost Creek Hollow fuck this shit

seeing terance process it all, indra felt as if her body was a stone slipped into a sea; dark and well beyond the reach of any gaze she fell deeper and deeper, beyond the help of any hand, and pulled down by some intractable weight. perhaps if she looked up she'd see the light eventually receding, the ripple of the surface world still there but beyond reach.

but she did not look up.

laurel spoke and indra was distinctly aware of marten's body pressed against her, the heat from his small frame emanating along her flank. sweet marten, volunteering to come on some lean journey - while his siblings slept comfortable and fed by some other mother's den..

and terance, gravely accepting another grim package of bad news - putting this new hurt down with the old, laying it besides ancient griefs where it pressed and turned and restlessly dug deeper. she hated to be the thorn that reopened such misery -- if she could just close the box before all of pandora's plagues rose out . . .

she stirred to speak, but nothing came of it. the idea of leaving nunataq and merrick behind was unpalatable to indra, and wildly she looked to laurel in desperation, as if laurel would somehow be able to make it right. yet, it was laurel pulling indra out by her roots, roots she had tenderly and carefully cultivated in the hollow.

she wanted desperately to say no, to stand her ground firm under her sister's sovereign stare. maybe it would have even stopped laurel from her new crusade, but indra knew them splitting was somehow worse than her leaving her children behind - to her anyway. and perhaps a shade of her mother's selfish impulse came out, for indra drew a resigned breath and quelled any idea of rebellion.

terance was right, she knew - but it did not help. it did not help that she would be abandoning her kids, same as her parents had done to her - to them. laurel's kids deserved parents, too, but what if they weren't alive? as much as she hated to face the idea, it was a very real possibility at this point.

all of this inner dialogue, and she had yet to say anything. her throat bobbed and she answered as steadily as she could, but her voice was hoarse and her eyes faltering. "i'm sorry, terance."