Dawnlark Plains i watched the fire that grew so low

He'd sat vigil by Grayday's body, finally succumbing to sleep when his own body couldn't hold out any longer. Sunny had wanted his father to be buried, but Shale had interjected--the Sameth tradition was to let the bones sit for a month before being interred. He wanted to keep most of his brother's body here, but a single bone or two, he would take to Silvertip Mountain. He hadn't forgotten the look in Day's eyes when they'd taken Chaska's bones there; it was a place clearly close to his heart, and part of his remains should rest there.

His dreams had been filled with happy things--memories of childhood. Of pouncing on his brother's tail, of Sunspot's lilting voice chastizing them for some reason or another. All cuddled together, a silvery gray mass, close to their mother. The time when Grayday still had both eyes, no scars, the weight of the world not yet on his shoulders. . .nor Shale's.

Shale woke with a shiver, amber eyes slowly moving toward the still form close by. His grief had been turbulent, almost angry, for a while, but now it had faded into complete and utter emptiness. And denial. Every second, he expected the body to stir again, for Day to wake up from what was just a long, luxurious nap. He supposed that was why he stayed--to see him move. Please, please just fucking move. Let it all be a dream.

First Murdock, now Grayday. Loss on loss. He thought of Pema, then, her belly laden with pups, and sudden fear paralyzed him. Oh gods, what if he lost her too?  And the babes? He wouldn't be able to go on. Shale lay completely motionless by the body, mind at war. He needed to go to Pema--but he needed to be here, too.

In case Grayday moved. In case he woke up.

He didn't move far from where his father's body lay, but walked aimlessly in circles around the surrounding area. He hadn't ever thought about his father's death. He hadn't considered it before. Yes he knew everyone died eventually, he wasn't that stupid but it never really seemed possible that his father could just one day cease to breathe, to move, to joke around with him, to watch over them all. He wasn't prepared at all for the sudden absence of the only person he had always loved unconditionally. He had Dawn too now of course but they hadn't loved one another for a whike, they had hated each other and been forced to reunite and eventually forgive because of their father. 


Turning to head back to the body he wasnt expecting it to be so empty already. The only one remaining was his Uncle Shale. He hesitated when he saw the male, the one who had denied burial and explained their family ways. Of course Sunny hadn't argued, it was logical and obviously something his father would have agreed to as well. He hesitated because he was unsure how he'd be reacted to by his Uncle at this time. This was his father's brother, someone more in tune with their family ways then even Sunny was. Would he get angry if Sunny tried to approach?

The thought seemed ridiculous and Sunny deliberately walked forward, stopping beside the cold form of his father and without a word, dropping beside him. He didn't look at Shale but instead buried his nose into his father's fur and began to let his grief flow. He wept openly, unashamed in front of his Uncle, pushing his nose against his father's pelt like a pup.

she'd wanted to stand vigil beside her father's body, as her uncle did. yet when the crowd had drifted, dispersed, she found herself moving far from the borders, where only the faintest sound reached the plains when she hung back her head and sung her grief to the gathering dusk. she'd let all the tightly boxed-in emotions pour out, note after note, and only when tiredness crashed down did she stop and return with no ceremony.

when finally she returned, it was to her sobbing brother and her uncle, vigilant still. she moved, shoulders hunched, to stand beside the similarly-pelted boy, offering her silent presence as she had Catori; too spent, too tired, to speak or to grieve as he did.

The burly form of his nephew approached, hesitant at first, but then quicker until the boy pressed his face to Grayday's pelt, crying. Listless, Shale watched him silently for a while, not knowing what to say. He'd expended all his sobs the night before; he felt like an empty husk, devoid of emotion. Denial had a viselike grip round his throat. How could he comfort the boy for something that mustn't be true?

He sighed, blowing a steady stream of air through his nostrils, closing his eyes. He lowered his head, placing his chin on his paws. His niece came too, but she did not cry, instead looking at her father, the emotions under the surface. He looked at Sunny and Dawn with the sort of impassive gaze that cats have on a hot summer's day, laying in the sun.

"He's my hero," Shale said quietly, eyelids lifting once more. He looked over at Day, stare fixed on the pad of one of his back paws, weathered through the years. Once it had been perfect, soft and dark in plush fur. "When we were pups, I looked up to him. Followed him around. Spot thought I was crazy, but I really thought he shit rainbows and pissed sunshine."

He chuckled, the sound without humor. "I wonder when I'll wake up."

His sobs were quickly ended as soon as Dawn came to his side, but he didn't speak. He listened to Shale silently, eyes squeezed tightly shut against everything around him. How much more would he lose? His mother,Krypton, Keoni, His father. He swallowed slowly and lifted his head to look at Shale with eyes that seemed endlessly filled with sorrow. "He is a hero. Dad loved me without any regrets, even when I was a shit son. Even when I caused him pain, when I left the family and chose Easthollow. Without him I'd have never made up with Dawn and became who I am now." he spoke with his maw still shoved against his father's fur as if the words of praise would revive him.

Next he turned to Dawn and pushed himself up into a standing position. He slowly moved in, going to hug her if she would allow it. If not he would step back again, if so he would hug her in silence, not offering anything but silent understanding of how it hurt. "I wish this was a dream. I want it to be a dream" he said, acknowledging Shale's last words.

she did not move back as her brother hugged her, at once to drained to allow for any sort of reaction and knowing that she could not pull back, not now, not anymore. "it's not."  the words were surprisingly bitter, raspy as they were, and the anger that burned briefly through the ash that was her grief surprised her slightly. he'd died, and left them, left her, to deal with the aftermath. 

she could not admit to her own feelings of detachment, blurred reality, when surely she must remain grounded, keep the swirling ash at bay. she could not give word to her anger, could not call her father selfish for dying when he had, at the brink of what surely would be a hard season. instead - 

she snaked her way around her brother and to the body she could not bring herself to touch last night. bending carefully, she poked her nose to the unnaturally still fur, shoulders hunched and stiff as she tried desperately to pull her father's scent, his face, his pelt, deep into some protected corner of her memory. she would not forget him, the pack would not forget him.

"Grayday loves you both," Shale said, a delirious smile spreading across his face. He began to laugh in a slightly unhinged fashion, body trembling with the sound. "He--ha ha--we always talked about starting families. He's so proud of you, Dawn and Sunny. You wouldn't believe it." He nudged Grayday's side, chuckling. "C'mon, Day, tell 'em."

His ears flattened as Dawn threw two bitter words out, in rebuttal to Sunny's wish--nay, truth. "No one knows," he growled, shaking his head. "No one really knows; you wake up, you go to sleep. Who's to say? I know I'm not qualified to say." He huffed, placing his head back on his paws, looking morose.

"All I can say is one day I went to sleep next to my mate and four healthy children," Shale said. "The next thing I know, I'm awake and they're starvin' to death. All of them. And then Murdock is dead, and then this--" His head snapped suddenly up, and he rose to his feet, legs trembling. He scowled down at Grayday. "Get up, you bastard. Get up!"

One of his back feet clawed the ground, as if he had an itch he just couldn't scratch. "Who's to say? Who's to say? It's a fucking dream--no, it's a nightmare." Shale fixed his gaze on his niece and nephew, mouth tight. "All of it. Fucking nightmare."

she stumbled in just as the commotion had started.

she thought that maybe if she came and looked at him again that it wouldn't be real, that he would have woken up by now.  that everyone's grief that was too real, too palpable, would have all come to some silly end.  like it had all been a joke.  a dream.

but it wasn't, and somehow, kitten knew she wasn't welcome here.  she stood trembling at the edge of the group, silent, and possibly unnoticed.

Sunny stepped away from Dawn, ears flicking back at her bitter response. It stung that she was so harsh toward him in that moment even though it really wasn't  at him . "Obviously not" he responded, nearly snapping the words but just ending up sounding equally bitter and cold. Then he turned at the odd tone of Shale's voice, the laughter and the way he spoke was just...off. Sunny opened his mouth to gentle try to say that Dad wasn't sleeping but Shale continued on, telling a horrible story from his past. Sunny held himself still and silent, heart squeezing at the loss Shale had faced. Was every Sameth male cursed with loss? Dad had lost nearly every mate, some friends, and a brother. Sunny had lost his mother, his surrogate mother, his first love, and now his father. Shale had lost....well it seemed Shale had lost nearly everyone.

Just as Shale started screaming at the dead body of his father, a small shape was spotted creeping forward. Sunny turned and spotted kitten and gasped, moving toward her. "Shale please....Go see Pema. Maybe she can soothe your nightmare" he suggested, lowering himself down to kitten's level. "Hey kitten. I...know this looks bad. It hurts. It's scary. But death isn't all bad. Daddy is somewhere free and happy. Just try to focus on that okay? " he tried ever so hard to channel something akin to what his father had said when Sunny himself was dying and most likely epically failed at it. That death wasn't bad nescessarily. He didn't mention the new life theory because he assumed she'd just be confused.

her ears flattened when Shale began to speak, and she whirled away from the body, anger easily finding a focus, a target. "stop." but he continued, and her anger faded into more grief, and more confusion. her uncle seemed dangerously close to the deep end, leg twitching fanatically. she stepped towards him, ears flattened in sudden worry, when Sunny spoke and she noticed the girl. 

lies. death was all bad, and another burning shot of anger had her muscle past her brother and place a kiss on the girl's brow, glancing down at her. "Kas - Kitten. Can you do something for me? It's important - I need you to go find your ma, and stick close to her, ok? You'll make her feel better, and your ma needs all your love right now." she poked at the pups brow once more, wishing she could take her back herself, but knowing she could not leave Shale alone, not now.  "maybe Sunny can go with you, if you'd like." with that, she turned back to her brother, shooting him a glare that she hoped would be invisible to the girl. the girl didn't need to learn about death, not now, she needed to be with the warmth of Cat, and Cat needed her. 

ensuring that Sunny wouldn't try any more death talk, and attempting to ignore the pull towards Kasatka, she moved back towards Shale, howling once for @Pema and moving near the male, pressing against his twitch side. she couldn't quite muster the gooey caring stuff Pema was good at, and instead muttered, "listen. da - day died, murdock died. it's not bloody fair, but you can't do this. not now, Pema needs you, your kids need you. they're alive, Shale, and they need you."  she pressed against him them, emotions building up and choking her, but she remained pressed against her uncle, hoping desperately that Pema would arrive, that he'd snap out of it.

He half-listened to the kids speak to--oh, shit, the other kid had come, too, damn it. The sweet girl he hadn't met yet. Death, they were talking about death, and a growl bubbled in his throat. "Knock it off; she doesn't need to hear any of that," Shale snapped, bristling. "Take her back to Catori--" But Dawn was already suggesting it, and he relaxed slightly, settling back on his haunches.

Then Dawn had come and was muttering to him, and he quite literally heard none of her words, a smile blooming over his muzzle as he looked at her. "You are so like your father," he remarked, wonder in his eyes. "Gods, it's unbelievable. Oh, man, the trouble we got into as kids--" He broke off with a barking laugh. "We were so mischevious. Spot hated us. Say, you ever meet Spot?"

He closed his eyes, a wave of contentment washing over him as he thought of his sister. "Your aunt--I would kill to have her here, with all of us," Shale murmured. "I dunno if even Day knows where she went. Maybe I'll go looking for her." He beamed at Dawn, opening his eyes again. "You're a scout, right? Wanna come with? It'll be like old times."

what?

but daddy was right there.  and bugs didn't seem too happy when she ate them.  she was too young to understand that somewhere very far from here grayday was young and unhindered side-by-side with the adeline he remembered.

maybe she would never know who adeline was to her father.  she'd never get to know a lot of things now.

then suddenly, dawn was on top of her, and shale was yelling, and the frightened young girl squatted and urinated where she stood.  to think, she had once had the most spunk out of all of her littermates only to be reduced to this.

As he was shoved aside by Dawn Sunny was shocked enough that at first he stood there staring with shock. What the actual fuck was that for? Sunny began to growl but caught it just as it was little more than an angry grunt. Then she turned around and Glared at him in the nastiest way and not only did it piss him off further but it hurt. Dad was dead and apparently his sister was back to being a bossy witch. Sunny glared back but quickly turned, hearing Shale's words but pretending not to. It only added to his hurt. He was alone now wasn't he? His father was the only part of his family that enjoyed his presence. Shale and him hung out once in a while but never seemed to really get any closer. Dawn was always around but never bothered to say hello. He only really ever had heart to hearts with his father. Of course all of this was also emotional nonsense and not the truth, so he'd regret these thoughts later.

Just as he was preparing to leave, Kasatka urinated, fear radiating from her. Unable to control himself he turned to Shale and Dawn with a silent Snarl. "You made her piss herself. Yet apparently I'm the wrong one, as always." his voice was calm but laced with bitterness as he bent down and licked Kitten soothingly. "C'mon sweetheart, lets get you back to your mommy." he said and picked her up by the scruff, carrying her off.

oof...oof...Sunny out.

 
she paid no attention to Sunny, though if she hadn't been running on desperation and grief, she might have snapped at him there. instead, she focused on the immediate problem at hand; who seemed to have stopped spiralling into a dangerously depressive state and instead seemed to settle merely at unhinged. it as better than nothing, and again did she find herself pushing back her own violent tide, pressing against her uncle as he spoke, painting on a false smile. "sure I know her," she offered, but her thoughts were not at all on the long lost aunt as she surveyed him. 

he continued, as if suddenly the body before them no longer existed. this was better then what had been, and with a single glance Sunny's way to ensure they were gone, she replied again.  "yeah - we can leave tomorrow, even. I think she headed north." each word, each smile, twisted a knife in her gut, and yet she forced the charade onward if only to stop her uncle from looking back towards her father.

"Great," Shale agreed, nodding. Thinking about when they should leave, what supplies they should bring. They came from the north; that meant Spot had gone home. Home! He was excited to introduce Dawn to the Sameth wolves. On the way, perhaps he could go visit Lucy's grave--

The ground was hard; though spring had come, the rains did not. Nevertheless, with a strength he didn't quite fully possess, Shale began to dig, deeper and deeper, concentrating solely on the task at hand. Clods of dirt went flying, and he was a mess, but finally he finished, a good-sized crevice in the ground before him.

He didn't want to let her go, but the birds had begun to pick at her flesh. Fucking vultures. They had no right. This way, she'd be safe from their prying beaks. She'd leave him, forever--but she'd be safe. No one could touch her here. He'd make sure of it.

He'd never remember what he said to her, only that he'd engaged in long, rambling sentences, punctuated by sobs, as he curled next to her body for the last time. The sun went down, night cast a shadow over the land, and he gently placed Lucy in the ground. Covered her up again. Laid on that spot for another few days or so before rolling a boulder over it and. . .

Like a zombie, Shale slowly shifted away from Dawn, sinking down to the ground once more. He laid his head on his brother's flank, stomach heaving as grief racked his body once more. He drew close, embracing his brother more tightly than he had in years. It was like they were pups again, nestled in the whelping den.

But why was his body, so warm before, so cold? Why did he have to be so cold?

the unhinged Shale faded and slipped away, and the imaginary wall she'd managed to keep standing all night faltered. it felt wrong to touch her father again when Shale clung to him as if they were littermates, young and with their lives in front of them rather than lived and far behind. and so she stood, head hung low as she watched the pair. she would wait until Pema arrived, if she did, but in the meantime - 

her chest hitched, and her breath came uneven. it was the only sign of her grief as she sought to control, to come measure, her gasping sobs as she stood away from the pair.

She had been grieving within her den, away from Day's still body. She didn't want to be seen like this. Weeping and huddled alone with her unborn children. She felt as though they were feeling this loss as well, through her. Normal pregnancy cramps were signs of their own agony over Day's absence, though his body remained still present within the pack. Shale had insisted on waiting for the barrel, a family ritual.

She hadn't wanted to leave Shale with Day, but he would greave in his own way and she didn't want to take that away from him. But she wished that he were here at her side, so they might comfort one another in this time. But currently she was alone, trying to hide her sorrowful attitude. If she were to be the primary leader of this pack she would have to become even strong than she was. Her weeping was not strength.

When she heard Dawn's howl she thought that her new load of responsibilities were about to begin. She did not rush to the call, though that could largely be blamed on her pregnancy. When she arrived where Day's body lay she saw Dawn standing over him, and Shale nestled into his brothers flank. She looked to Dawn and then to Shale. It would seem that he hadn't moved at all from yesterday.  "Shale... Dear..." she said softly lowering her head down to him.  "Why don't we go back to the den. We can get you something to eat... some rest... We can always come back tomorrow."  she said continuing to speak in a soft and sweet voice. She looked at Dawn again wondering why it was she had called her. She didn't think it appropriate to ask, afraid to get the obvious answer, unaware that it was Shale she had called him for, not Day.

Exhaustion pulled at him, and he was drifting into another uneasy slumber when Pema's voice drifted through his ears, a sweet lilting caress. It took a few moments for her words to sink in; when they did, he gave an infinitesimal shake of the head, eyes still closed.

"Not hungry," Shale mumbled, head cradled against Grayday's stomach. "Tired. Wanna sleep." Trapped gas gurgled inside, rippling the skin and almost giving the illusion that the carcass still breathed; it only fueled the delusions in Shale's fractured mind. He smiled, cuddling closer. "'S'okay Pema," he whispered. "Sleep."

Dreams danced at the edge of consciousness, like the sun peeking out from over the horizon at dawn. It was all too easy to succumb to fantasy.

Pema arrived, glancing to her, and Dawn moved near. she didn't know how best to convey how had just occurred sensitively, but luckily was not left grasping at straws for long. Shale seemed to succumb to exhaustion, finally, and Dawn watched him a moment before turning to Pema.

"something's wrong. he's angry, thinks - think's he's gonna wake up." the words were thick in her throat, and her gaze flickered with pain and exhaustion. she wanted to leave, didn't want to look at her uncle curling up to her dead father like they were pups, didn't want to deal with this, too.

Her heart sank a little hearing him sleepily talk. It seemed innocent enough in his current state. As though he were talking in his sleep. The fact that his words made no logical sense seemed reasonable to her if he were dreaming. She thought everyone dreamed that Day was still here and that all he really needed was some sleep.

When Dawn walked over to her and explained more that he had been angry and actually believed that Day was, in fact, going to wake up she understood why Dawn had called her over. She spoke softly and to Dawn, "He's greaving. Still in denial, but possibly moving into anger... He's sleeping now. Maybe it's best to leave this until morning. Perhaps when he sees that Day isn't up for the next sun it will sink in." she said hopefully to Dawn.

"You can go if you want. I'll see to it that he falls asleep." she said with a faded farewell smile.

Pema began to speak, softly, and Dawn's gaze bored into her uncle as he lay, almost as peaceful in sleep as Da was in death. "I thought you should stay with him - give him something calming, perhaps. I don't know how deeply he believes it, what he'll do when he wakes up." bronze gaze shifted back to Pema, blinking once. nodding at her statement, a thank you burning up and dying at her lips. suddenly she was too tired for words, if not tired enough to succumb to sleep as Shale had. 

her ears flickered, and she surveyed the pair once more before turning on her heel, heading north, then, to her prefered spot at the edge of the territory, near the Maplewood.