Ankyra Sound the long way round

Eljay frowned as he looked at Wildfire pleadingly, wishing that she could come up with some way that he could be accepted into the pack. Maybe she could help him, he thought, but then he was afraid to ask such a thing of her. They hadn't seen each other in a while and the whole point was that he should stop bothering his relatives, rather than pestering them to cash in favours to get him accepted into their packs.

Above all else, Eljay was afraid; not of failing, not of dying, even... He was afraid because he wasn't afraid to die at all, and that made it feel like he just would, which was somehow terrifying even though he wasn't afraid of it — he didn't really understand how that all worked, but it somehow did and it was terrifying.

Pretty soon Wildfire started about other packs, which brought Eljay off-guard. He thought that she thought his chances were decent enough, that he could prove himself and that she thought he could do it, but just as soon as she'd said he was great she said he might have to look for another pack. Maybe she was realising that he just wasn't any good for hers... And that made him realise that he shouldn't join any pack. He'd just end up like he was at the Caldera. A bother.

All the while he was silent, but the emotions on his face spoke volumes. If even soft-spoken, sweet Wiffle who'd played with him when he was a pup had no faith in him, then what was the point? He knew he needed to try, but he didn't think he'd ever succeed. "I'll try," he murmured, feeling like he could explode any moment and thinking that maybe it would be better if he was alone that time. He'd bothered Wiffle enough.