Fox's Glade My silent lips

she had never seen him before, not like this. indra could not count the number of times she had hated xan for being so stoic, for being so walled off and emotionless.. but here he was, stripped clean and laid bare like the naked teak of birch when its ashen skin was peeled back; she was both horrified and repulsed, and then filled with an alarming want to console him. seeing him like this, distraught and exposed -- it crumbled the last of indra's tenuous grip on her emotions, which now fled wildly in every which direction like loosened, panicked horses.

her ragged breath came through shaky lungs, as she listened. what bad thing? what had he done -- was it as bad as what she had done? could she be forgiven?

could he?

whatever he had done to them in their past life, his neglect and his indifference -- it suddenly meant very little, when faced with what true bad things was. indra suddenly hated herself for being so petty, so small -- and here they were over a year later, worse off than they had ever been with xan.

was it all her fault?

....

was it all his?

"it doesn't matter anymore." indra suddenly spoke, choking back the sob that threatened to strangle her. her voice sounded funny -- off -- her nose was run over and stuffy. "i don't.." how could she say that his apology didn't mean anything anymore? it would hurt him -- but it was true. "i'm sorry too." for all of it; for blaming him, for leaving him, for the awful and unspeakable things that had lead to laurel's she couldn't even think it.. this had all been her fault.. if she had stayed in bearclaw, none of this would have happened, no riley louie or charles..

with a moan, indra slumped back and a desperate, keening wail edged into her voice. "i fucked up."