Wapun Meadow learning that i’m deserving of love and the peaceful heart

her son continued, incensed -- every word a serrated edge pressed against her heart. when had he gotten so cruel? she was helpless in the face of his hate, vulnerable only in the way love could be.. no rejoinder of defense brimmed to her lips, for indra was just as culpable as he accused.

i'm sick, merrick spat -- "no," indra cried in return. i'm fucked, "you're not," she begged. and then he spoke of some past violence, the learning of which raked indra down to her flimsy core. he had hurt another child -- her son had hurt another child. "you're lying." came the disbelieving statement, yet one look in merrick's glowing jack-o-lantern gaze and she knew it to be true.

this is who i am. indra found she could not love what he had become. the tears that darkened her sorrowful cheeks had stilled, her mahogany gaze flickering with the immeasurable understanding of a mother who looked upon her own monster. horror gripped its needling claws within her, tugging, tugging...

indra could withstand the fireshow within merrick's gaze no longer. she tore her eyes away, to the ground where snow collected around them in dimpling sheets. i'm so tired, mommy merrick wailed to the skies -- something in indra's heart dislodged and a cry tore from her lips, silenced swiftly by the clack of chattering teeth.

she had seen in both their eyes what they planned to do -- it was laid out bare for all to see. indra did not try to console merrick, for she saw he was manic and out of his mind. she saw the fruitlessness of her own endeavors, and the narrowing window of time.

feeling every bit of her heart wrench in sickening, rippling fractures inside of her, indra turned heel and ran.