Wapun Meadow How else would we find satisfactory meats to feed those sad, scrawny animals?

hi you asked for a dissertation? coming right up

"we're so far from your home, phaedra," said the marten with stress harboured in his voice. 

"cain!" the girl whirled on him, squaring up with her slimline shoulders. "you said you knew the way back, do you or no?" she pinned her owl-light gaze on him, the rims of her eyes ajar with anxiety and her brow gathering at a seam between them. the thought of being lost in the wilderness made her stomach feel heavy with quicksand, sucking everything into its springe—

"no i do— i do. i just— your mum, father—"

"i am the las' thing on his mind, okay? he comes when the sun has chased all the colors from the sky and mama knows i go wanderin' round when he does. you promised me you could ge-ged me home afore they find oud—out. faugh!" she squeezed her eyes shut tightly and stomped a foot with frustration. would her tongue evermore be so clumsy? words that came to grownups so easily came to her like a carrier pigeon with a broken wing. it was an unfortunate symptom of some whelps' summerturn, though phaedra was admittedly struggling with it more than what was typical. the tension in her home helped none.  

"you know it's worse when you lose your nerve so calm down. i'll get you back to your family. i all’us get you home, don't i?" he whispered, sitting up to meet her height. "but if we go any further, it'll be high sun before we get there, so we need to—" his whiskers quivered. "get down!" caintigern demanded, using both his feet to force her head down and the rest of her into a crouch.

"cain? what?" she said at her normal pitch, peaking over the softrush with her large, pale ears pricked. 

"shhh! i saw something, get your head down!" he nipped her on the wither and she crumpled with a suppressed ow! spearing him with a sour look before trying to see between the grasses when the breeze parted them.

"uhff, i ain' see nothin." she brushed his concern off, and then a figure not unlike thade's (the last time she saw him, which failed to register in her mind) caught her eye; he was quietly playing in the tallgrass. a soft gasp slipped her mouth and phaedra lurched to her feet, stepping towards the boy when instantly she felt a sharp pain around her tail. she gritted her own to hushedly bear the needling teeth, glancing over her shoulder to find caintigern attempting to tow her back into the port of safety.

phaedra fixed him with a look that could cut down the eldest of trees; a torch passed from her mother. well, what used to be her mother. after papa, after thade, after everything, she was just a douted flame. a wick in a lantern—bereft in all possible ways. it was her flintstone that often more than not lit a spark in phaedra, for she was brash and irresponsible and altogether too ambitious for her own good.

so when she wheeled around to clock caintigern, her voice was low and her words were caged behind her teeth like deathrow prisoners. "i found him! i found wha'll make mama happy again. lemme go! now!" she insisted with a swing of her haunch, yanking her tail away from the marten's teeth and leaving tufts of stiff pale fur spilth upon the ground.

he chittered and huffed and backed into the grass, shaking his head like he always did when she was being a foolish child. he would stay, though. she knew that. he always waited.

a knell of laughter leapt from her throat. "thade!" she tripped over the grasses in her haste, but collected herself and wore on breathlessly. "thade, id's me! phae! oh thade!" she found her eyes involuntarily wet, tears winging from her eyes as she ran but jeweling her lashes. a phlegmy sob rattled in her throat. why was she crying when she was also smiling bright as morning gold? "thadey, i'm almos to you! mama, she misses you so muuu—" as she drew closer to his figure, her gaze realized this boy bared a resemblance to her brother hardly at all. her gait slowed. he was a few months her junior, and didn't have thade's features. from a distance, he was an inkblot child, and that had been enough for her. 

it had been enough.

folly was the hopeful, and false hope felt worse than despair. she wondered how she could've been so stupid. because i am bad, and hope was in there because it was bad too, probably the worst of them all, so spit-thick with malice it was to her own detriment, the martyrdom of her own heart. 

now only a yard stretched between them, and unsure if he'd run away from her, she stood sniffling all the snot back into her nose and dried her eyes and summoned the most self-assured posture she could muster, and yet she could not prevent the watery voice that welled forth when she tried to speak. "hi ... i'm sorr— i th-thoughd you was someone differen'." she sat down far across from aventus, dizzy from her run and nauseated from the headrush. the girl let her shoulders fall with demoralization. 

caintigern was right. she was mere a foolish child, and she couldn't bring happiness back to her mother, or papa for that matter, but he had spare happiness ... and mama had her. only her. on that mountain so hagridden, phaedra had asked caintigern to take her away for just one night so that she may feel what it's like to breathe gently again. 

and this is what it had gotten her.