Blackfoot Forest and the things that i've loved are the things i have lost

phaedra left wapun meadow with a strangely leaden feeling in her stomach, like she was leaving something behind. thade. she'd been so sure it was him, and now all memories of her brother were stirring up a gut-churning porridge of wistfulness and failure. she'd emoted plaintively enough during her walk through the meadow. now, as caintigern guided her home she was in a transport of mental languor. i could have fixed it all, she thought, childishly, i could have made mama and papa happy, and papa he ... 

"oi! stop dragging your paws or i can't promise we will be back before your parents catch on that you left." she heard up ahead, and suddenly realized she'd been dragging her feet for the past mile. quickly, she paced up to the marten and tried to keep up while her mind continued to lip murmurings of failure. "i could've made 'em happy, cain ..." she bemoaned, a little too loudly for the marten's liking.

he spoke from the thorny bushes that lined their path, "tosh. it wasn't thade so why are you worrying about it? focus on something else, like moving faster so we get home and don't make them even more unhappy."

he never was the best at consolation, but caintigern was good at keeping phaedra's self-pitying in check. she had to do that in secret.

phaedra scuffed the dirt and huffed, letting the sounds of cicadas fill her ears to drown out her inner-voice. it didn't work that well. "you keep going and i'll cad-ch up, i godta pee." she said sullenly, parting through some ferns to find an adequate place to make water. 

"don't take too long! i won't go far, and hurry up!" cain shouted, clambering a tree to make use of the interlocking branches instead of the forest floor.

after relieving herself, phaedra sat in the privacy of a moonspilth clearing and gave herself a moment for the clear pearls to fill her eyes and wet her cheeks, "warum haben sie mich nicht midgenommen?" she breathed tearfully.