Redhawk Caldera If the whole wide world stops spinning

He said that she wasn't but of course he would say that.  Eljay was way too considerate to ever let anyone say something like that without denying it.  That didn't mean he was right, though.  

Maia hated that she'd made him say it.  She hated that she'd said it herself in the first place, and couldn't just keep on keeping on like everything was fine when it wasn't.  And she definitely hated that she felt like she was looking for his validation right now (because it was true... she was). She actually hated an awful lot about herself, to the point where it was starting to feel a little bit like everything.

That's probably why she didn't bother to put up her usual front.  The last time she'd been this raw had been after her parents died, though that had been worse because then she'd just felt empty.  This time she at least felt angry.

Because I should have been able to fight back.  I should have been able to get rid of him, but instead I froze, and then I barely managed to run away.  I almost couldn't even do that right.  She hadn't done that right, really.  She'd ended up hurting herself more.  I tell all of these stories, but when it comes down to it, I'm not worth any of them.  If you or Wraen or someone else had been there, he'd have gotten you too, and all I would have been able to do is just watch.  I'm useless, and a coward, and that's why I don't deserve any of this.  It's my fault, and I'm never going to able to do any of this.

By the end of it she was almost in tears, but there was too much anger at herself to fully break down.  Ever since she was a kid she'd wanted to be a Valkyrie, a hero like in all of the stories Osprey had told her.  She'd doubted those dreams before, but they'd never been shattered like this because she'd never felt what she felt when she fought this man.  She hadn't known what true evil or horror was, and she knew now that wasn't something she'd ever be able to face and be strong against.

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