Redhawk Caldera If the whole wide world stops spinning

Eljay wished that he could show Maia what he saw when he looked at her, because he started to realise as she continued to say that she was a coward that Maia didn't think about herself positively, like she thought about everything else, like Eljay had always thought. It was hard to imagine. Was this just a moment in time, was it just because she'd been hit by this really scary moment? Or was this really how she thought? It had taken Eljay really long to figure out that other wolves hid their true emotions and feelings, because he was so shit at it himself.

He understood what it was like to be someone who couldn't defend those they cared about. He was one of those wolves himself, after all. He ignored that she apologised for being a drag; Eljay had been in this place many times and he knew that no matter how often someone tells you you are great that it wouldn't get through right now. I don't think fighting defines a hero, he said softly. I hope not, at least. The only time I tried to fight I only seemed to make things worse and then I got hurt. And one time someone terrifying like that showed up at the borders, I just stood and stared and the pack had to save me. I couldn't even run. I-- As if hit quite suddenly by something, Eljay's face went blank as if he went pale; he remembered something; the image of the detached head suddenly flashed before his eyes and the terrifying wolf that admitted to having done the murder, laughing in his face while he could do nothing but cradle it.

Peter.

He'd forgotten about Peter.

How could he forget about Peter?

He'd forgotten he was dead, first. Fought anyone who told him otherwise. Peter was just somewhere else in the territory, just around the corner.

Over time, others had mentioned Peter less and less and so the denial had settled into Eljay's mind, the suppression complete.

Now, as he thought of the time he ran into the wolf who had killed him, as Eljay tried to search his memory for instances where he hadn't been brave to show her that she wasn't alone, he'd run into that dark corner of his mind. The corner her hadn't visited for years.

The years weighed heavy on his heart. Quite suddenly, Eljay choked out a sob and then broke into an unbreakable fit of tears.

even I was surprised :')