Redtail Rise rockfall

initially glad when lilia pressed close, ancelin's ears flicked backward as she pried deeper and deeper until it felt like a splinter underneath a toenail. it was an annoying, sickening feeling; he tensed beside her, and it was all because it was true!
but he wasn't ready to admit it, or say it, or even confront it; ancelin felt like he was drowning and so suddenly stood up, pacing in a twitchy, irritated semi circle. "so what if it is like, what i need to do?" he demanded, less of a question and more of a challenge.
beating relic's ass — well, that presented a worse mental image, because every time ancelin had tried to maladaptively daydream about how he'd wanted that fight to go, he just remembered surrendering. surrendering. giving in. not fighting. submitting.
and that, that was it.
"and yeah, lilia, i do need to do it alone. i don't — i can't — i don't want —" deep goddamn breath, "i don't want anyone to help me. not even you." and that hurt to say.