Hushed Willows oh you should've been a mother, you should've been a wife

por mi @Seabreeze <3

slowly the clouds gathered over his heart begin to clear away. this is different from when tindómë fell apart and his thoughts were coated in darkness, impenetrable and grim.  his thoughts have not turned away from him, though they have been sluggish -- he is merely grieving. but just as it eventually got easier to face his lost childhood home, it gets a little easier to think about what he's lost here. queenie, alarian, solomon -- and a version of himself that he wants to shed. he can't ever totally, though, because it is trapped, kept alive through the history he carries every day, through mali and brilliance and seabreeze and even lily. 

the cowardly part of him thinks, sometimes, about starting over: taking a new name and fleeing. but even then he could never get what he really wants. and he loves them all too much to leave, really. so all that's left to do is learn to live with his own ghosts and actually talk to people again. 

he'll start with the one thats been historically the most helpful. delight combs through the willows, looking out for seabreeze -- sweet, gentle seabreeze, who took care of him when he was dying, who has tolerated his rowdy, poorly-raised children, who deserves more than delight can ever give her, but -- she needs him now. and he can give as much of himself to her to help her recover as he's able. that he can do.

stealing! also bumping up to present day, right?

It was times like these, when the weather dropped 30 degrees overnight, that Olive realized how deep they were into winter. The snow fell heavy, and the tree branches bowed under the weight of it, and all scent trails were absolutely deadened so the dove sought refuge amongst the forest. She had always been a wolf of the forest, one who liked the darkness and appreciated how the strong arbors shielded her from the buffeting winds. It was her sacred, safe place. That was also the intent she had for Elysium — this was to be a sacred, safe place for others, too.

But life rarely stagnated, and the continued vicissitudes threw Olive for a loop. Seabreeze’s recovery had been slowly progressive, but not necessarily the cleanest for either of them. There was a lot of mental and emotional baggage that attached itself to this situation, and the woman had a difficult time keeping it together for the both of them — but the shakti woman did it, simply because she had no choice. Seabreeze was her love, and that meant sometimes shoulder burdens she wasn’t quite sure she could. and she did it with a fuckin’ smile.

After a brief respite, the sylph managed to scent food and followed her nares to her prey: red winter berries, ripe and plenty. A diet of leaves and berries was a luxury that her place amongst the willows could afford her, and Olive indulged rightly. The lack of meat in her diet kept her form tight and trim, but it did not mean that she didn’t hunger. Lips delicately plucking fruit from stem, Olive became aware that she wasn’t alone and turned to find Delight, looking as if he was searching for something. Not sure if he was interested in a conversation, for not everyone always was, Olive moved her tail from left to right and offered him a close lipped, rose-tinted smile.

yes! i'll fix the date :3

it is not seabreeze he finds but her lovely wife, slim and berry-stained; as ever, mato's face fleetingly crosses his mind, though it fades quickly. she is like him but she is her own person, as well, and delight finds he wants to get to know that person. the woman who seems to have brought joy back into seabreeze's eyes after her undue suffering (an act he is grateful for, even if he does not have the words to express it, and would feel rather silly trying.)

seabreeze's injury and slow recovery has brought them into closer proximity, if nothing else, as he resumes his place in leadership, desperate to make up some of what his closest friend has done for him. delight hopes that maybe he and olive can obtain a little emotional proximity as well. (he has to admit: he's lonely.)

"hi," delight says, rather sheepish for not having a better opener. "how is -- she doing today?"

Olive is thankful when Delight slows and stops to chat. It is times like these when the pale sylph is truly thankful for the support of her pack; specifically, those wolves of the council. Though Seabreeze has stepped down in the wake of her fall, Delight had resumed his duties, and Lily was as consistent as ever. Pair that with Khali, a man who’s passion for Elysium ran deep and the rest of the Seraphim, who embodied Elysium’s intention more and more with every day that passed and you had built quite an impressive support system. Olive was truly lucky. 

The nursewoman stopped in her snacking, and she very quickly turned to regard him. She wanted to speak; wanted to speak to anyone, sometimes her emotions ran that strongly, but she was pleased that it had been Delight to happen upon her. Olive liked the man and appreciated how deeply he felt his feelings. It was a part of him that the shroud sylph saw reflected within herself. “She’s becoming better by the day,” she says, though Olive suspects that Delight already knows that given how often he’s visiting their densite. The words sound rehearsed and hollow, as if Olive had said the same thing to everyone who had dropped by. 

Unbidden, a tightness rose in Olive’s throat and she choked out “Seabreeze is very strong. She has never given up —” but she stopped herself, lest she cry in front of the wolf that she didn’t know super well, but certainly wanted to.   

her words reassure him, though he has seen for himself seabreeze's progress, though it's a line. his fickle underbelly whispers to him curse; confronted by olive's face, silvered as the moon, delight tries to hold onto their last conversation. concern overtakes his momentary self-pity as olive chokes up, her words ringing hard in his ears. instinctively he steps forward and reaches out, offering an embrace if she desires, and says, "she is --she's the strongest of all of us." he's just a fool boy with a bag full of tragedy -- seabreeze is unshakeable faith in the goodness of things. she'll be fine. she'll be fine. 

but -- poor olive, of course! her wife is suffering. feeling idiotic for not thinking of trying to check in with her sooner, delight pulls away a little, just to try and read her expression. "it's okay," he says softly, "but it's -- hard, huh?" he doesn't know how to say it's okay if you cry in front of me about it, but he hopes that she'll understand, anyway.

Delight, keenly aware of how hard reality was hitting her at that moment, allowed her closer. At the same time, Olive almost completely folded into his embrace and used his slight frame to help support the weight of her own. She was a creature of touch and of love and felt a little more whole in these moments of close proximity with her Shiva.

She didn’t cry, but her body did shudder from her sheer force of breath. The woman drew breath as would a woman with the entire weight of the world upon her shoulders — she knew she didn’t, and her logical mind was quick to remind her how often she deferred to Lily and Delight — but damn, if it didn’t feel that way whenever she looked into the faces of her beautiful children and their pleading gazes. Is mummy going to be okay?

Olive bit her tongue, jade eyes misty, regaining enough composure to speak actual words and not just breath against Delight’s side. Her legs found a little more strength, and she centered her weight — their touching was now more of a vibrational thing, but remained just as strong.“Yes, it’s… hard,” the woman said unsteadily. “It’s awful to watch the ones you love suffer.” The sylph’s shrouded gaze looked up at Delight with the same pleading look of her children, though her’s was twinged with apology. “Perhaps I was too dismissive of the pain, the last time we spoke. It’s not so easy to simply… rise above it.”

olive is small -- like him, like seabreeze -- his body beats against hers nervously: it's been a little while since he held someone like this. it doesn't hurt like he thought it might. in fact, breathing in the pleasantly earthy smell that the shakti carries soothes him, grounding him back in the here and now. he can understand how seabreeze came to love her so.

he thinks of the metaphor he's always carried, thoughts absently turning it over while olive composes herself. if mato was the sun -- beautiful but harsh, unable to be looked at, burned to touch; and if alarian was the moon -- so close but always so far away, always turning away, retreating at the sign of light, brilliant and wounded; and seabreeze -- she is the sea, no -- no, that's too obvious, she is the earth itself, steady and solid and carrying both great beauty and tragic devastation within her; what, then, could olive be? the stars seems so cliché (though the silver sheen of her coat beckons comparison, he thinks).

to know, he'll have to get to know her better, he decides. 

her apology brings a tired smile to his mouth, a gentle shake of the head. "it isn't easy," delight agrees, sound rather world-weary himself, "but you were right, too. we have to find a way through it or we'll be... trapped by it, forever." (and who is he to make that point, considering--)

"maybe we can help keep each other in check," he suggests, interrupting his thoughts, "er, if -- that'd help, you think. or check in on each other, at least." he moves slightly so that his eyes might find hers, searching for what pain he can find, that he might try to reassure her.

In a similar way that their close proximity soothes delight, does it also soothe Olive. She finds that her heaving breathes subside, and in its place, a very comfortable nuzzle is evoked. It is nice the way that he does not flaunt that he was right, but instead chalks it up to their inevitable fallibility as wolf-kind. No one was perfect, not even those who spoke to the gods. In fact, perhaps they were the most imperfect.

Rather than lean her entire weight against his as she was doing, the slight woman shifted herself so that she stood upon her own four limbs and eventually removed herself from his side. Her heart felt calm, and her mind felt steady. Compared to the guilt of moments before, it was something akin to magic. Plus Delight’s kind-hearted attempt to cheer her up — Olive was right as rain in a moment flat. 

"That is a great idea,”  she agreed cheekily. “and it will ensure that I see more of you, for reasons others than herbal deliveries and the occasional check-in.”  She did not want to downplay the crucial role that Delight played in Seabreeze’s recovery, but she also did not want to downplay how nice it would be to maintain a close relationship with him.  

where she was leaning against him feels chilled, now, and strangely he finds himself missing her weight. he doesn't remark on this -- even if he wanted to he doesn't get a chance, for her next comment flusters him, a blush hiding under his dark fur. obviously it's just -- it's just a nice friendly thing to say and he shouldn't read into it so much. but -- !

"that, that sounds nice," he agrees, fumbling only slightly. "we'll do it, then." his mouth turns in a shy smile, cheered by this new prospect -- it'll be good for both of them.