Moonspear it's like i'm frozen but the world still turns

beneath her feet laid the path she had tread on for days. there was a thin layer of snow that covered the ground still, but her paw prints were laid in a neat trail and revealed the brown surface of the mountain cliff. she stopped a moment to sniff at the earth quietly before veering off of the path and towards heart of the territory, though she did not bother going so deep into the mountain.

the pale january paused to study a small group of clovers sprouting from the ground. her nose twitched, thinking briefly upon the religion that she once was so active in. her coal-padded paw reached forward to touch the green, hovering softly so the leaves tickled the touch surface of her pawpads. she closed her moon-streaked eyes and let out a long breath, waiting for the earth to share with her it's plans. after a few minutes, aria grew impatient and upset, finding that the natural world had little to comfort her with-- she could hardly even feel the battered souls within the mountain. she missed lasher, and feeling his soul in every ounce of donnelaith. he would give her strength, in everything she looked for him in. here, there was nothing.

she let out a soft whine and stepped down, crushing the clovers beneath her paw and moving forward, her head low and her eyes focused on the ground beneath her paws.

Entirely bored of anything to do with winter, she was keen to see the tiniest hints of green begin to break through the drab whites and grays of winter. This was a good sign that she welcomed wholly, assuming there would be no more snows or frosts from here on out -- which was not impossible, but did she hope it was finished with. It was time for spring, and she had missed it enough to anticipate its return this eagerly.

As she moved over the mountainside more effortlessly than she had in weeks thanks to thinning snow, she was on the prowl for deepening signs of springtime over the landscape. Of course, she'd find a way to mix more solid duty into this along the way, so wove a pathway for the outer edges eventually. This brought her upon Aria, and Amekaze's interest was piqued by what captured her focus so.

her eyes refused to adjust. she moved forward at a steady pace with a swift gait, but her eyes merely glazed over. patches of green and white and brown whirred by, but her mind was elsewhere. she might've run into something if she hadn't heard the gentle crunch of the thin layer of snow beneath someone else's feet. the delta perked upright, her tail stiffening straight out in alert before she realized who was nearby.

her tail fell, her head lowering just barely (as it wasn't too perky to begin with) as she turned to face the alphess. respectfully, aria dipped her head. it was not uncommon for her to see the leadership out and about, but she was a bit surprised to see her nonetheless. her shoulders rocked up and down as she shuffled her feet, finding a more comfortable stance as she faced the hierarchy. though not afraid, and actually quite fond of amekaze, her pupils widened. maybe it was merely anxiety and adrenaline from the scare, but they eclipsed her luminous irises as she waited to be properly addressed-- assuming that amekaze was only here because she wanted something done.

in an attempt to seem less like a deadman walking, she gave a small smile. "afternoon-- can i help with something?"

For the first few seconds between them, Amekaze only watched in thoughtful silence. Not knowing Aria's inner workings to their fullest extent, she could not understand each and every one of her subtleties from just a glance like this, but she had not meant to come upon her with a start like that. Her ears fanned back just briefly and a beat later, Aria's voice brought them perking forward. "I was making my way for the borders, since nothing else called yet.." she detailed, not that it necessarily required any help. It was quiet here these days (almost mundane) and even if it wasn't, she had experience at her back. "Were you busy? I hope I did not interrupt anything," she said, touching gently with a hint of almost-apology for possibly spooking her by showing up without much prefacing. Ame was used to sneaking up on her family without trying, less so on Aria.

she was holding a breathe, though she didn't mean to. she let it out as the dark queen responded, sharing she was only on the way somewhere. "right," aria murmured, her gaze unblinking. she turned her head to the side, eyeing the cliffs as amekaze commented about being busy and interrupting something. "i was looking--" she paused, her eyes darting back to the alpha, "well, not, really looking, per say... i just..." her words jumbled, and the words she wanted to say were sucked into a black hole, completely lost from her tongue. she sucked in a breathe.

"i'm not busy," she tried again, teeth clenching in embarrassment, "i can join you, if you want." she had just left from a patrol, and the borders were silent, but so was the land. she wasn't going to find anything here, so she might as well get back to work.

Something unseen lurked. She couldn't quite see what it was. Aria's tangling words stoked this suspicion for the dark alpha, and she hoped to scatter this.. unease, if only she could pinpoint how that would have to be for her.

Amekaze nodded slowly, although she did not understand in full. "Looking for..?" she repeated curiously, uncertain of which points here to focus on yet. "Is something on your mind? Or have you been out this way already?" She did know Aria patrolled sometimes based on scent. Almost, she thought to not even ask, then really felt that way after Aria tried to diffuse it, and licked the backs of her teeth thoughtfully as she slipped forward into a slow trot towards her initial heading until she'd know otherwise. The company was welcome and there was no earnest obligation for her to answer; Ame would not pressure her any further in favor of moving -- at the least, since it always helped her when her head was feeling cloudy. Whether or not the pale wolfess answered her would be response enough for now.

aria looked past amekaze when she asked if she had been out this way. her pale gaze landed first far past the cliffs, into the territory below, then to the ground. pawprints covered the dirty cliffs, and if she'd place her dainty paw so carefully inside it would fit perfectly in any one of them. it fell back on her alphess. "i've been everywhere," she responded quietly, "the borders are quiet." she followed her alpha anyway, not knowing what else to do at this point, her ears flat against her pale crown and her head low.

"back in donnelaith, i could feel the earth," she began softly, awkwardly, like amekaze might send her away for believing something a bit out of the norm. "it was comforting-- you know? to have something so tangible both physically and spiritually..." her voice quieted as she went on, brows furrowing. "a close friend of mine was lost to the infestation we had-- i could sense him in the forest. he did not follow me here." she sounded hurt, and she was-- for even her own safety net of sanity and calmness had abandoned her.

While she could take Aria's word for it that indeed, it was quiet there, nothing else seemed to draw her pathway otherwise. Ame nodded softly, but couldn't quite say more. She did take the opportunity to look around for more, sniffing here and there in case she may come upon something more game than patrolling already-marked boundary lines.

But what she said next perked her ears and slowed her step. There needed to be a half second of adjustment as her focus shifted gears; Amekaze had not been prepared for such a weight, but she didn't balk from the subject and didn't rein her curiosity to understand better any. "Feel it.. how?" she asked over her shoulder, without scrutiny in the glance but instead a want to know more. The shifting crosshairs between physical and spiritual varied for most — or so she had come to understand it over the years. Her sense of feeling the earth itself, its energies underfoot, may never be the same as another. "Do you not feel it anywhere else? If there is even words for it.." She amended, sensing Aria's sadness hesitantly.

Ame listened intently, not knowing of who she spoke of exactly but the depth of it was not easy to overlook — even as an outsider to it. "Even without knowing.. him, I would say he was attached to those woods, then? A very piece of it himself now.. so that he would never have to leave," she ventured carefully by putting herself in the hypothetical, and how she'd approach the idea were it her mountain versus their forest. Still, this surely did nothing to soothe Aria's aches. Maybe he could not leave, now. Maybe it was all how Aria perceived it, Amekaze could only guess.

aria smiled a bit, shrugging. "usually i feel it everywhere-- i can't explain it... it's just sort of something that i know is there." it was a terrible explanation, but that was all she'd ever been able to say about it. she could just feel it. she didn't know how or why, but she believed faithfully in it. it was comforting. "i don't know why it's been so quiet lately," she then said, her shrug falling a bit lower. her eyebrows furrowed again, lips tightening.

then, with a sad smile, aria nodded. "i guess so." her pale gaze then travelled past amekaze, past the orders, past the valley, to a dark smudge just before the ocean. it was far, but aria knew what it was. she hadn't see the fire, but she could see the aftermath. donnelaith had burned, and she assumed the rest of the pack had gone with the trees. whatever piece of earth lasher had clung to was gone.

The explanation panned, and Amekaze could draw the parallels if she looked at it in the same sort of light. As it often was with matters so abstract as these, they were difficult to put into words. Her mother had always titled them natural energies (which she had learned of thoroughly), Charon called it the stars speaking to him, others believed it was revered ancestors' guidance, among a great many other variations that were surely out there.. Ame liked to think she understood them enough to perhaps appreciate it. If that was the word she had ought to call it by.

Maybe, she thought, Aria's difficulties in sensing it stemmed from somewhere nearby. A mental fog? A disconnect around her? The place itself? Grief..? She could not pinpoint what it may be, let alone how to help ease the negative away.

"Maybe it is speaking more quietly than normal, these days." Amekaze's ears splayed with the suggestion. "Or maybe it has nothing new to tell you.." She tried to twine the words with a touch of humor, leaving Aria to take it as seriously as she wished. It was just a thought, though. "My.. honored mother, she swore by meditation to clear her thoughts and bring her back to the natural energies—as she called them, her vague.. sensations she felt everywhere, more strongly in other places." The dark alpha imparted this knowledge carefully, sensing that Aria would hopefully see why it felt relevant. But, mention of her dam came almost delicately, so to contrast this, she compared her own experience with a lighter note. "I could never grasp it as well as her. I found my solace elsewhere." In combat.

following amekaze's, aria's ears fell to her crown and her gaze to her paws. she didn't speak out right away, waiting for her alphess to finish before she decided her response, but she couldn't help but think 'it has something to tell me, it is keeping it from me.' maybe it was just to spite her, some sort of karma for something terrible she did-- and she'd done a lot of terrible things. but the pale subordinate couldn't think of any reason why the souls of the earth would feel it so appropriate to make her feel the way she did-- and for so long.

"natural energies," she did repeat though, quietly since amekaze was still explaining something. it washed to the back of her head like a gentle wave, falling and dissipating to nothingness in her thoughts. "i always call them souls. every living thing has it's own natural energy, i agree, an old friend of mine had referred it them as souls," she felt the need to explain. she would've asked how amekaze found her solace, but she didn't care. it wouldn't help her, she didn't think, so it didn't matter.

she wasn't sure what to say. she didn't agree with anything the dark woman was saying-- and not to wallow in her own pity or anything, but also she was just wallowing in her own pity. "i am searching," she said finally, quietly, as if it was supposed to mean something. but it didn't-- not much anyway. she was in fact searching, at least. she searched for constantine, for casmir, for floki, for lasher, for herself. she was just running out of places to look.

Such a matter up for varying interpretations like this was bound to have a whole spectrum of ideas. It all seemed to boil down to the same sorts of key points, no matter what it was called in the end. "Souls, too. It works, and maybe even conveys it with a better shape to it.." She could see it, although it was more specific than she personally liked it to be, or perhaps it was just her particular definition of the word that made her feel that way. It wouldn't be the first, nor the last time, language was to blame for something of the sort, but the point remained, she was open to different interpretations, and curious to hear them out if appropriate.

But this still did not do any good for Aria's strife, which she couldn't help but think tied back to whatever all had transpired in Donnelaith. Amekaze pondered quietly, although her outlets to understand it were still in pieces. Knowing she searched still, actively, was one thing, yet she was hesitant to overstep. Comforting, encouraging.. helping ease the aches instilled by time, cruelty, fate, and all else, she did not have the best beginnings to do so here.

All she was best at was willing her to keep searching, keep moving, and find whatever it was she needed. "In this vast world, there could be no end to a search, or the answers may be practically beneath your nose. I do not know, but I do hope you may find what you seek." Her ears were tilted back, and expression kind of uncertain before she pressed onward. "You have not visited Donnelaith's woods at all since leaving them, right?" She was still trying to find a better approach to offering any true hope at all, and somehow, this kept making her wonder. Would she still feel the energies and the souls there? Had they left her entirely? Or, maybe, would some closure of some sort help her.. if it did not set her back instead, which was always a possibility.

aria remained silent for a few moments, time pulling harshly at her tongue as she struggled to find a proper response. she almost wanted to just leave. she didn't know where she'd go but... she needed something else. someone else, maybe... she stared forward, finally sucking in a heavy breath and shaking her head.

"no... it doesn't seem worth my while to visit a pile of ash," she said quietly, eyebrows narrowing, "besides, i don't know what i'll find." she fell quiet, then added, "or who..."

short post! sorry <3

Her suggested notion fell pretty flat, as to be expected. "It may still surprise you," she mentioned, for it was not like Aria appeared to have much to lose at this point, bottomed out emotionally as she seemed. Or, it could horrify her completely and do more harm than good. Although, Amekaze could only see it for the surface, and not having known Aria before her arrival to the Spear--after such strife and then just before more loss in her vanished comrades, it was a best guess. Who was to say what or how it would go. In her own way, she understood why she wouldn't want to go. But, she would personally want the closure to bookend the experience, then move away from it for good.

Before it would be able to devolve much further, she would carry on. Before taking to a new motion around the mountain, she offered a hunt or patrol or anything of the sort to serve as some sort of distraction if she didn't prefer her solitude more. She'd gladly get up and move with her, or without. Ame left it up to Aria, and was on her way not too long afterward.

i went ahead and made this my last here! you can archive it or reply again, i kinda narratived it a bit anyway <3