Wapun Meadow no gale can down this ship
May 12, 2019, 12:14 AM
Cadeau
Lone Wolves

Cadeau took some comfort from his placating smile, though she still worried her lower lip between her teeth as she let her thoughts wander. She, to be fair though, would have begun to feel the familiar waves of anxiety tidal wave against her eventually. Just sooner than later, this time. Cadeau just gave herself a mental pep talk to try swaying the troubled thoughts.

Ingram being as nice as he was to her helped too. "Heh, true I guess," Cadeau joked back with a more positive look on her face. She wanted the uplifting atmosphere back. "I'll make sure to remember that."

Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word
Half-breed, she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born
May 12, 2019, 04:39 PM
Ingram
Diaspora
Centurion
he could tell the sienna she-wolf was still at edge; it was his own doing, and as cadeau worried her lower lip ingram looked away, scrounging for a way to recover their previous banter. "hey, you're not me -- so you'll remember just fine." self-depreciation was always funny, right?

finding he was running out of things encouraging to say, ingram did what any self-respecting man of avoidance did -- he changed the subject. "there's lots of puppies in diaspora." he commented, easing the topic to something a bit more palatable. "there's a pair of wolves that came with my.." he paused for a second, realizing he had no formal word for blodreina; fuck it, he'll call her what he hoped she was -- "girlfriend. though, i haven't seen their dad around recently." he hadn't known "berx" very well, and since his last interaction with aurewen (which had mortified him, frankly) ingram had been staying way more clear than was probably necessary. he didn't want to be confused for "berx" again, or give aurewen false hope her beau was back. "they have two kids, a boy and a girl. then stigmata, the guy i told you about -- he has four, three boys and one girl. boy, are they ever a handful. i hope mine are as strong as them."

i'm gonna hold a pen
while you drag my arm across the page.
May 12, 2019, 10:49 PM
Cadeau
Lone Wolves

Cadeau felt rude for chuckling at his self-depreciation, as someone with shaky confidence issues she knew it was wrong but she couldn't help it. Besides, it wasn't like Ingram was scolding her, he was dishing out these little jokes of his to help her feel better. "I'm sure you're not that bad," Cadeau told him after she settled her sniggers, smiling. "You are dedicated to those future little ones of yours, that's always a good sign in a wolf," she added, knowing that parenthood was quite a hard trial to face, one Cadeau doubted she would ever experience herself.

The topic was focused on puppies, cute little wiggling potatoes that could melt any stone cold heart. Cadeau was fond of little ones but after the hell her heritage brought her Cadeau was afraid to ever bring pups into a world like that. Pups also meant someone needed to be in love with you to have them, a thing Cadeau definately did not have with her for such a future. "I love the little ones, they're so carefree and spunky. They get excited over everything too, I wish I could remember a time I got that eager where my tail would turn into a propeller," she said with a joke, shaking her head. 

She listened to him continue to speak about the wolves in his pack, she perked her ears at the mention of his girlfriend. "You guys didn't tie the knot yet?" Cadeau inquired with a curious head tilt, then she made a face when she realized that was probably rude and kinda nosey. "The pack itself must have their paws filled with so many puppies in one place. You got a lot of paws on practice at least for your upcoming kids that way, they even have a return policy." She cracked a cheeky grin before speaking again, this time reassuringly. "I think you'll be a fine dad, I mean you seem interested in learning everything you can to help them thrive in this life." The mentions of fathers made her long for her own but that was a time far too away now, a barrier called death kept her from ever reaching him.

Cadeau shrugged the sad inkling off her shoulders and regarded Ingram with another friendly smile. Now wasn't the time to overthink.

Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word
Half-breed, she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born
May 15, 2019, 12:03 PM
Ingram
Diaspora
Centurion
it didn’t matter cadeau had chuckled— ingram was unoffended, and met her light laugh with a grin. 

easing into a less troubled conversation, he was glad cadeau followed suit — though her first question caused his soaring grin to halt. it’s kind of complicated, he admitted, feeling his tail sag. but... i hope we tie the knot someday. his tone was quiet, but conveyed his dedication easily. 

as the conversation rolled onto puppies and their infectious, carefree innocence, ingram felt his somber mood lift. he nodded in agreement, feeling it was very liberating to be at play with a puppy. in that moment, all your troubles were usually forgotten. he couldn’t help but feel a stir of pride as cadeau complimented him; it was sweet, and she obviously meant it. i think that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, ingram intoned, the grin returning. what about you, would you like puppies someday? maybe with illidan? wink-wonk.

i'm gonna hold a pen
while you drag my arm across the page.
May 15, 2019, 05:24 PM
Cadeau
Lone Wolves

Cadeau gave him a sympathetic look in her almond eyes, not pressing for more information as he explained the situation was complicated. At least he seemed determined to try seeing it to the end, faith and trust were what made love what it was. The depths he felt clearly ran deep, she was sure Ingram would get his girl officially one day. She smiled to convey the encouragement. 

"I'm sure you've heard nicer and just forgot, or you're trying to get some brownie points by being so polite," Cadeau teased with a sheepish chuckle, shaking her head. Everyone deserved to called nice things and she wanted to make sure Ingram had confidence in his ability to be a father, it would be what he needed to pull through a lifetime committment. His question startled her and she quickly felt flustered. "Me? I mean... um... I don't even have a boyfriend. Okay I'm traveling with a boy who is a friend but hes not my boyfriend." Cadeau inwardly cringed at her words when referring to Illidan and huffed with a red face that slowly cooled off, "I'd like some pups I guess," Cadeau finally said, sighing. "But I don't know, I didn't have the best upbringing. I mean my parents were great but our... 'pack heritages'... gave us a lot of problems. I don't know if I could put a child through what I went through." She didn't entirely lie, just didnt mention by packs she really meant part wolf in a place of dogs. "Puppies deserve better than that."

Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word
Half-breed, she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born
May 17, 2019, 08:05 PM
Ingram
Diaspora
Centurion
"well, you don't need a boyfriend for that," ingram winked, knowing to suggest that would probably be scandalous... but.. it had been what he had done..

okay, maybe don't follow in ingram's footsteps. he's lucky most of his life has been okay so far, considering.

once the topic shifted to puppies, ingram caught the way cadeau shifted to something nearly cagey; maybe like his memory was taboo for him, her childhood was taboo for her. he hadn't meant to muddle, so he broke his gaze and glanced towards the distant valley with a contemplative expression. cadeau said, in very few words, that there was some monster in her past -- ingram would not pry. "well, it's not the end-all, be-all." he concluded gingerly, hoping he might salvage a second bumble. "besides, there's more to life than puppies. you turned out okay, right?" he tilted his head curiously, as if it were a serious question -- she seemed pretty okay, to him.

i'm gonna hold a pen
while you drag my arm across the page.
May 17, 2019, 08:35 PM
Cadeau
Lone Wolves

Cadeau couldn't imagine laying with someone without there being love, it seemed... wrong, at least to her it was. Wasn't that a sacred thing between two creatures who wanted to be together? Cadeau didn't linger on the thought long because it brought awkward feelings in the pit of her stomach. "I don't know, it feels weird to do that without your other half... not that I've had the time to know personally." She added the last part hastily, remembering she'd already mentioned she was traveling alone with a boy as is.

She worried her lower lip. Had she turned out alright? Cadeau didn't really think so, she had a lot of personal issues she was still working through at one year of life. After her father's death it seemed nothing was going right for her, mind drifting to a mist of red floating within her, seeing the tangiable memory of the dog she killed because of her untamed instincts. "Okay might be too broad of a word," she said with something of a sardonic chuckle, looking at Ingram. "I'm not going to go into massive detail but if I could go back in time and change things... I would, lets just say that."

Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word
Half-breed, she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born
Yesterday, 11:00 AM
Ingram
Diaspora
Centurion
ingram would have teased cadeau if he had been aware of her thoughts. at one point, he may have felt the same way -- youth has a way of thinking, while age and experience often change those views. maybe someday, she would change too.

he was about to point out that one need not be your other half for that kind of hanky-panky, but the words never left his lips; he was mostly kidding, but the conversation had gone from light-hearted to rather dark again. now it seemed inappropriate to mention, given cadeau had just detailed she would have changed things if she was able.

"isn't that the way of the world, though?" ingram marveled lightly, shaking his head with a wisdom he had won only by years. "we all have ghosts in our past like that. but if we went back and changed them, it would change who we were fundamentally; you might not be better off, you know."

i'm gonna hold a pen
while you drag my arm across the page.
Yesterday, 11:25 AM
Cadeau
Lone Wolves

Cadeau looked at him with curiosity shining in those almond eyes of hers, some deep thinking crossing her face at the words he chose. She... hadn't ever thought of that direction before, that maybe in some alternate world where she would have been born a pure dog to two pure dog parents instead of the broken home true love built, wouldn't be as perfect as she fantasized. That possibly her shattered heart was a strength and not a weakness, as Cadeau often looked at herself as.

She gave a little sigh, knowing one benefit this whole awful mess had thus far. Cadeau gave Ingram a waned smile, "I guess if... all of it never happened, I would have never met my friend Illidan," Cadeau said, trying to lift her spirits with positives. "And I'm really happy having him in my life now. We also wouldn't be having this conversation either, Ingram. Which would be a shame because you're a nice wolf." Cadeau beamed a little bit like dying light trying to brighten under intense shadow.

Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word
Half-breed, she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born
Yesterday, 11:34 AM
Ingram
Diaspora
Centurion
it seemed his words prompted some introspection. there was a light to her soft gaze not there before; ingram noticed it with a slim smile, hoping he had said something that was positive, not negative.

cadeau conceded maybe things would have been different in a way she hadn't thought of before. she mentioned illidan again, and then mentioned him -- the thin smile became a wide one, and his tail thumped behind him at the compliment. "yeah, and, imagine -- maybe you wouldn't be so nice either, if the past hadn't made you what you are today. imagine in a parallel universe, i'm the one picking flowers and you're mean as all get out. we all want to change our past, i think that just means we are growing. if my past was different, i wouldn't have these scars.. a shame too, because they obviously make me more irresistible to the ladies." he winked jokingly, his tone far from serious. leaning in, his tone became hushed. "would you believe me if i told you, my girlfriend has even crazier scars? she's the one you should watch out for."

i'm gonna hold a pen
while you drag my arm across the page.
Yesterday, 12:22 PM
Cadeau
Lone Wolves

Everything in her past still hurt but maybe in time she could move forward from it without picking at the scabs. It would be a long journey though, Cadeau knew with certainty that she couldn't fix everything in a single night. Could she still fix it, salvage her broken heart and piece it back together one by one? 

Cadeau gave a low chuckle as he explained this parallel universe, that he was the one collecting herbs in this meadow with her snarling down his back. "Lucky you I guess, I have a reputation of a short fuse so doubling that with an already mean personality would be a nightmare," Cadeau joked, shaking her head.

At the mention of his scars and being good with the ladies, she snorted, "I'll need to take notes to give to my friend then should he ever want a woman, Mr Scar the Lady Specialist." Cadeau arched her brow as he leaned in to whisper about his girlfriend. "You must love her a lot," she only said, knowing scars took character to adore, no matter what kind they might be. 

She wondered what that must be like, to be loved and wanted like that. It must be nice.

Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word
Half-breed, she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born
Yesterday, 12:47 PM
Ingram
Diaspora
Centurion
ingram was surprised to learn cadeau reportedly had a short fuse; in the short time he had met her, he couldn't see it. his vision of her was probably different than what her version of herself was -- but in the time ingram had spent with cadeau, he had come to the conclusion she was a wolf of benevolence, kind and sweet to those she came across.

after all, she had told him about flowers, instructed him on good toys for his kids -- all out of the simple generosity of her own heart. he supposed kind wolves could have tempers; he himself was a kind wolf, but when pushed to his limit, he knew he was capable of damage. maybe cadeau was the same way.

"you couldn't be a nightmare," ingram replied, smiling goodhumoredly. when he thought of nightmares, he thought of bears, of evil, rabies.. not cadeau with a short fuse. as she teased him further, a comment slipped from her mouth that would have paused ingram-of-the-past -- you must love her a lot.

ingram was too mature now (ingram, mature, i can't believe i wrote that sentence.. my baby has truly grown up..) to be ashamed of love. his eyes lit up, and a genuine smile spilled sunnily across his features. "oh, definitely." he said, his ears perked and expression unabashed. "i don't know how she puts up with me."

i'm gonna hold a pen
while you drag my arm across the page.
Yesterday, 01:15 PM
Cadeau
Lone Wolves

Cadeau looked humble for a moment at his words before she shrugged them off with a jovial smirk. "Mama and papa woud say otherwise," she mused, thinking back home of her mother Maela and father Snowy, the two had their paws full tending to the rowdy half wolf puppy. "I was a wild child. I pray your puppies are on the tamer side of the spectrum, for your sanity." 

"I don't know how she puts up with me." Cadeau smiled at Ingram, looking a bit miffed that his question as crystal clear as it should be. "Because she must love you a lot too," she told him with am amused expression. "Duh?" Cadeau added, sticking her tongue out at Ingram. "I might not be most she-wolves but usually you gotta really be into the guy if she wants to have your babies, silly goose."

Cadeau grinned. "She must be one lucky lady."

Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word
Half-breed, she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born
Yesterday, 01:43 PM
Ingram
Diaspora
Centurion
now they were just getting into sappy territory; luckily for cadeau, ingram happened to be a world class sap. he shook his head playfully at the idea of cadeau's parents thinking she was a nightmare. every child, at some point, tested the ends of their parent's rope. that's just what parenthood was, right?

cadeau's sweet comment about blodreina, and how she felt (and also, how she must be lucky to have ingram) had ingram's stupid little heart bursting. he felt proud, he felt confident, he felt bolstered by cadeau's kindness -- and there was no reason she couldn't feel that good either. "maybe we're both lucky." ingram conceded, feeling the pitterpat of his tail against the earth. "and someday you'll be that lucky - maybe with that guy you keep mentioning?" insert roguish, teasing grin.

i'm gonna hold a pen
while you drag my arm across the page.
Yesterday, 02:33 PM
Cadeau
Lone Wolves

Both lucky? Cadeau couldn't really speak for herself, considering where she was right now in life and being as single as single could possibly get. As he teased her again, Cadeau couldn't help her widened eyes and slack jaw at the mention of Illidan in that way. He was just her friend, a friend she really was fond of and liked a lot, mostly because he was putting up with her dumb baggage. 

Plus, he was nice, sure rough around the edges sometimes but she generally believed he had a heart of gold. Cadeau couldn't help the sigh drifting past her lips as she let her thoughts wander, she was really lucky she met Illidan at all. She'd... been in a bad place when they crossed paths and she wondered where she would be right now without his help and company now. Probably very lost and confused still.

"He's a good friend," Cadeau began after a long moment of disappointed hesitation, it wasn't making her arguement look convicing. "I don't think he would be interested in me though," she continued saying, shaking her head with a paw absently playing with some tufts of grass to distract herself. "N - not that I am interested! It would be super awkward... wouldn't it? I mean, we are traveling tgether... and stuff." 

Cadeau imagined a disasterious scenario where anything ever would be godly levels of uncomfortable should anything progress passed what they had now, in close proxmity she would die of humilation over it. She didn't know why these weird feelings were sprouting recently and Cadeau needed to squash them before they got out of paw, maybe it was just her mistaking graditude for a legitmate emotional longing. Yeah... that had to be it. She was just thankful.

And pigs fly.

Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word
Half-breed, she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born
Yesterday, 02:39 PM
Ingram
Diaspora
Centurion
ingram grinned at cadeau's reaction -- she looked positively scandalized by such a proposal.. which had been his intention. he couldn't help but tease; he was a guy that liked friendly banter, and it was nice to be out here in the meadow exchanging quips without much care in the world.

cadeau insisted it might not be possible, but ingram thought otherwise. he didn't know illidan from adam, but he knew men -- and on a wider level people. the fact of the matter was, people didn't put up with people they didn't care some level about. "unless this illidan is gay, i'm sure you stand a chance." ingram smiled, sure that he couldn't possibly be wrong.

i'm gonna hold a pen
while you drag my arm across the page.
Yesterday, 02:52 PM
Cadeau
Lone Wolves

Cadeau wasn't even sure what Illidan was into, not that she would judge. Illidan could love anyone he wanted, it was not her business to get nosey or anything of the sort. But she would like to know, heavens she would because she was confused on how she felt. Maybe if she got a glance at what was going on in his own heart she could feel more confidence in how she could approach this problem. Was it really a problem though? Yes because he could totally say no and send you into a week long depression with that egg on your face, Cadeau thought with a pout. 

She didn't want to make a fool of herself over emotions she had no name for, especially with her only lifeline in the forest right now. Illidan didn't seem like the kind of guy who was touchy feely with his emotions, maybe he didn't like anyone or perhaps he already had a special someone, Cadeau huffed with a confused, nervous face.

"I guess but I feel like in the long run I'm already off the team from the getgo," Cadeau mused wistfully, not entirely convinced. The insecure side of her made her chew her lower lip, He deserves someone better than me. She had many issues stemming from her self worth and past, Cadeau doubted any man would want to put up with that long term. She shook her head to shake the feeling off. "I don't understand boys at all, you guys are just weird." She gave an accusing kind of grin.

Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word
Half-breed, she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born
4 hours ago
Ingram
Diaspora
Centurion
ingram could detect a faint trace of something, maybe insecurity, in cadeau’s voice. it was not the kind of insecurity that was bad; perhaps a better word for it was a lack of confidence. he smiled softly, understanding her trepidation. why rock the boat, and what if things did not turn out the way you wished? he understood, having been in a similar predicament himself.. but then again, if you never took a chance you never got to see the sights. 

he considered his words for a moment. whatever he said could possibly change things. why do you feel that you’re out of the running? in Ingram’s eyes he wouldn’t spend time with someone he didn’t care about; was it possibly the same for cadeau’s hopeful beau?

i'm gonna hold a pen
while you drag my arm across the page.
4 hours ago
Cadeau
Lone Wolves

Cadeau didn't know why she was having this discussion right now, it wasn't even like she was sure her feelings were anything real. She could say without a doubt she was fond of him and felt safe when he was close by. Cadeau wasn't sure her friend shared any of those feelings though, their journey wasn't one of companionship but one of a duty persay. He never treated her badly, of course, but Cadeau wished she could get a look into his head. 

He wasn't as transparent as Cadeau was, unfortunately for her seeking eyes. "I don't think Illidan is the... lovey dovey type for one," Cadeau began with, struggling to picture him as a wolf who gave compliments and bestowed flowers, a man who was seeking out a woman. "We're traveling together because he's helping me find a pack so... I doubt he'd see me as a woman, I'm more like a responsibility."

Cadeau causally rolled her shoulders as if to disguise the thought of that didn't hurt her pride. She looked away. "I really don't think pushing the boundary is a good idea. It could get... awkward." Her 'quest' as it were had barely begun, perhaps things could change in the time they spent together but Cadeau didn't want to get her hopes up. Besides, their friendship was still new and delicate, the last thing she wanted was to ruin it because she suddenly began to feel something... different. It felt too risky now, too premature for attractions to run amok.

Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word
Half-breed, she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born