Bearclaw Valley I’m your toy, I’m your toy, I’m your toy

Since the disastrous events of their last meeting, he’d intentionally avoided both @Indra and her sister. He didn’t know how to approach them or what to say—if he could say anything at all—and so his only remaining option was to avoid. The more time that passed, however, the more difficult it became; he wanted to see them both again, especially Indra, who he was sure he’d frightened and felt terrible for doing so.

After finding and killing a hare—if it was the same one that had evaded him before, he couldn’t tell—Alexander took to following the most recent scent trail left behind by the fiery girl. The carcass was not only meant to serve as an offering of peace and a request for forgiveness, but also to try and dilute the strength of her scent, just in case.

the waif had spent her time simmering since their last encounter -- a rare shade of jealousy panged her heart - not necessarily because she deeply pined for the alpha, but because she had been scorned. it did not occur to her that this was how laurel must have felt growing up alongside her russet shadow -- indra had never in her life been rejected and as she watched xan chose someone else over her, it stirred feelings of self pity and resentment. it was an irrational side of herself she was not used to battling, and after a few feeble attempts to cheer herself up, gave in to the emotional monstrosity that commanded her.

like xan she had taken special care to avoid everyone that had the misfortune to be present at that meeting except for laurel, but before long a sense of restlessness overcame her. whether it was that strange indra from before or herself, she could not tell, but she felt compelled to obey it.

she was surprised then when she heard xan approach - part of her wanted to greet her alpha with friendly licks, but the part of her that still keenly felt rejection forbade her from approaching. coolly she watched the male approach with hare in his mouth -- while her head lowered in recognition of his superior status, there sat in her amber eyes a coldness that had not been there before.

It wasn’t hard to find her, a fire-kissed form soon within his line of sight and drawing him closer. He didn’t know what to expect from either her or himself, knowing only that he wanted to mend things. Alexander didn’t want anyone to feel as if they didn’t belong, especially not since he knew how that felt. He understood what it was like to come second, to be cast aside and replaced, and these feelings were ones that he wouldn’t wish upon anyone—at least not anyone in his valley. They were supposed to be a family, after all, a structured group where those he had started to care for could act as a single unit.

But it was not that simple, at least not right now.

Whilst her head bowed there was something unwelcoming in her expression, forcing him to wonder if he might have sought her out too soon. Maybe she wasn’t ready to see him, maybe he should leave. Ignoring his uncertainty, he approached her slowly and placed the hare down at her feet, then retreated a few steps to give her some space. “For you,” he stated, nose pointing towards the carcass. He struggled with his words after that, having a decent idea of what he wanted to say, but not how to say it—these things weren’t easy, not for him. Being forward was the only approach he knew he could pull off, and so he asked, quite bluntly, “Are you mad at me?” Anger, scorn—it was all the same, wasn’t it?

dourly she looked at the gift he endowed upon her -- indra was not used to such supplication, but it did not soften her features. she glanced from the mangled carcass to his broad face, no sign of relenting in her frosty glare.

she was lucky he was so forthright in his question, otherwise, they may have remained rigidly in silence as she was certainly not going to vulnerably offer the first word. she reminded herself of how she felt when he left her - deliberately left her. it was possible she was behaving like a spoiled brat, but having never felt rejection's cold cut before, she had no way to cope with it.

the rabbit, small offering as it was, remained untouched for now. "you don't think i'm as pretty as her." she answered in accusation, delivering a cat's cold stare as she spoke.

He didn’t expect immediate forgiveness, but couldn’t keep his mind from entertaining the thought with a soft what if. It was foolish to do even that, though, and this he was quick to realise. The gift went untouched, spared hardly even a glance before she was accusing him—to which he didn’t know how to respond, rather taken aback by the context of her claim. His brow furrowed as he stared at her, tongue-tied and struggling to even comprehend what he’d just heard. Was that the reason for the way she looked back at him, because of something so incredibly silly?

Shifting his weight, he suddenly felt out of place; this wasn’t something he was used to dealing with. “You’re very pretty,” he managed to say, though the words were drawn out and his discomfort obvious. “I don’t think she’s prettier than you.” He liked to think that they were all of equal beauty—that was the answer that would get him in the least amount of trouble, generally. However, if he were to be completely honest, he couldn’t ignore how much more Indra stood out. She provided the greatest contrast to the females he was accustomed to seeing, so vibrantly coloured.

But Xan liked keeping things simple, and the idea of complimenting her in such a grand manner just seemed like a lot of work. Not to mention the trouble that it might set him up to get into, should she repeat his words to anyone.

he seemed taken aback by her accusation -- good. she felt vindicated as he reeled from her allegation. it was a small salve in return for the wound he had left her when he chose reigi instead of her and laurel. he complimented her and she inflated in the manner of a pleased chickadee, her fur on end and her gaze somewhat softer than before.

she placed a thin paw over the carcass then, pulling it towards her carefully as she considered her words.

"okay." she accepted with a roll of her shoulders. she did not know how to direct the conversation now, so she fell silent with a troubled bite of her lower lip.

Oh.

Well, that was easy.

He almost didn’t believe it, deciding it was too easy. He half expected her to come charging at him again and subconsciously braced for impact, but nothing happened. Allowing his body to relax, he proceeded with the forced belief that this wasn’t some kind of trick—that she had actually forgiven him, and just by receiving a compliment. Was being kind really that beneficial? Interesting.

Disallowing himself the opportunity to get too sucked in, he took a cautious step towards her. “Is everything okay now?” he asked, yet another step taken. “You aren’t angry anymore?” Maybe he would have to start giving out compliments more often, since they could apparently diffuse a situation rather easily.

she was not a wolf of guile - the inflection in her monosyllabic utterance was genuine. she looked upon him as he took a step towards her. there was hesitance in the ground he covered and she knew it.

if she were laurel, she might have guilted him or manipulated him further - she might have held this transgression over his head a while longer. she didn't though, because his simple compliment had mollified her and while she had know way of knowing for certain. she believed his statement was the truth. she was pretty. she thought so, anyway.

there was still some hurt in her gaze, but she also dearly wanted to reconcile with him. she might not have been angry anymore, but her ego was still a little stung. she offered a thin, short smile. "no."

He was prepared to treat the situation the same was if it was Reigi he’d upset, closing the distance and considering what games he could start. None of that was necessary, though, her anger gone and him now able to relax fully. “That’s good.” His advancement ceased there, body stilling save for the slow wag of his tail. He would have to tell his friend about this later—it would definitely further assure her that things were alright, that she need not worry over what had happened. Because Xan believed that the lack of anger towards him extended to her, as well, and that this mending of ties would also put the females on good terms with one another—two of them, anyways.

Laurel crossed his mind and he wondered if he should look for her, too. Would she be as forgiving if he called her pretty? He would definitely try, but first—“Do you think Laurel is upset with me?” he asked. “Has she said anything to you?” He was mainly concerned about whether or not she’d attack him if he tried to approach her.

lmfao xan is such a perfectly clueless boi i love it

he was doing so well repairing their splintered bridge -- right up until he mentioned laurel.

darkly indra sat upright, an ugly expression spanning across her muzzle. it was evident now in indra's opinion, that he just wanted to take his cake and eat it too -- and she wasn't any more special than any of the other wolves.

she felt a sense of isolated resentment spread through her again, and she glanced at him with a huff of contempt. "i don't want to talk about laurel. or her." she primly stood on all fours then and delivered xan the most crippling look she was capable of. "you're just like all other men. you don't care about me, or my feelings. you care about getting your dick wet and that's it." it was an uncharacteristic outburst, but her recent tango with tambourine (and watching laurel so expertly deflect him) had taught her a thing or two about men and their inability to think about anyone but themselves.

irrationally, she added in afterthought: "what does she have that i don't? why aren't i as interesting to you?" she lobbed these hurtful words towards xan like piles of flaming leaves; incensed, incendiary, and rapidfire.

sometimes i wanna smack him lmao

So close.

Although he’d made a nice step forward moments before, the mere mention of her sister sent him back ten. He wasn’t sure what he’d done wrong—shouldn’t she be glad that he was concerned for her sister? It made sense to him that she would, but the feeling clearly was not shared as she huffed, spat out words, and stood right up. He wasn’t sure how to react, not to her initial comment, as he was still terribly confused by what seemed to him as a lack of concern for Laurel. But then she continued and he felt words rise in his throat, threatening to spill out with a growl; he was able to swallow it all back down and calm his thoughts, yet his silence was short-lived.

“What are you talking about?” he shot back, disgruntled but also worried—had he failed to make her feel as if she was important? That she could not be replaced? He felt his stomach twist with the thought, recalling so vividly his own experiences with the same feelings. “I do care about you, Indra—you were one of the first to join me here, you can’t be replaced.” Perhaps he was projecting now. And with a shake of his head, he added: “I don’t even want to have sex with you, so how could that be all I care about?” But then he heard his own voice and what he’d said, and started backtracking immediately. “I mean, I wouldn’t mind it,” he tried to clarify. “But you wouldn’t want that.”—right?—“And I would never force you into anything.” He didn’t want to force anyone, ever, especially not those within his own pack.

Alexander’s ears perked up and then fell again. “You’re interesting,” he responded, making a poor attempt at assuring her. This time, when he thought about mentioning any of the others, he stopped himself before he could speak and just repeated back: “You are interesting to me.” He left out how they were all interesting, in their own ways, as well as refrained from creeping forward to nip playfully at her shoulder—because that was something that worked with Reigi, it was for her. Indra was not Reigi nor Laurel, just as they were neither her nor one another. Each of them were different and, though using the same tactics on all would be easier for him, he knew he could not treat them all the same way.

indra was aware she was being irrational, and it only made her dig her heels deeper into the earth. she had made her flaming bed -- might as well watch it spectacularly sink into charred nothingness.

she didn't know what to say. she barely knew what sex was -- she just knew it was all guys thought about and thought, maybe, if she obliged with them, it might validate her -- it might heighten her station of importance in their eyes. if only she knew the bitter truth -- that a woman was nothing to most men but a soft pile to lie and drive on -- then she might not even have tried.

but xan tried -- and indra knew he was trying. there was an earnest in his voice, a genuine inflection she could not ignore. she refused to be softened this time, and was still nursing her bruised ego when she replied. "no, you'd just rather have..... her." indra didn't even know her name - she just knew that somehow, she presented as a threat to both laurel and indra. indra didn't even know why she was so upset - before a week ago, she hadn't even cared -- but now she was driven by something out of her control and that something demanded satiation.

no sooner had she thrown the barbed remark did she become aware of how unnecessarily cruel it was -- but it was too late for her to turn back. she thought of the last things she had said to her father reek - and how, like xan, he had driven her to say things she now regretted. "i need to go for a walk." she announced, already turning away from him with hurried anxiety in her steps.

Though harsh, there was truth to her words—Xan would much rather have his friend, though it was not because he liked her more; he didn’t understand emotions, his own or others, enough to even realise that he was slowly being lured in by Reigi. And although he trusted Indra just as much as he did her, he was still hesitant with the former; he believed himself to be capable of hurting her without even trying, whereas, with the mute girl, he did not feel that to be possible. Reigi could fight, she could get her point across with ease, and each time he thought of her he imagined her in battle, standing her own—but when it came to Indra, he saw the opposite. She was someone that he felt he needed to take extra time to protect, for the sole purpose of ensuring he did not lose her.

But by being so withdrawn, perhaps he was instead pushing her away.

“That’s not true,” he argued. “Do you want that then? Want me?” He doubted there to be any chance of a yes coming from her mouth. She’d never shown any interest in him, never acted as if his attention was something she wanted—not until recently, which he accused her heat of. “You don’t—I know you don’t,” he continued. “So why does it matter that I didn’t give you what you don’t even want?” It confused him and was, in all seriousness, hurting his brain. It made him decide that, when next year rolled around, he would stick to the border like glue; that way he could keep out any stray males but, hopefully, without getting himself dragged into another mess all over again.

As she dismissed herself, he felt conflicted over whether or not he should follow. Wasn’t that what had started this whole ordeal? Because he hadn’t followed her? In another attempt to right things, he made to pursue her, saying, “Don’t go, Indra.”

indra did not understand her emotions any better than xan did. while the two sprung from different wells, they supped of the same water -- indra drowned in the tenacity of her own hormones -- and xan was just obeying the call of the wild.

she had put a fair amount of distance between them when xan called behind her. there was an imploring tone to his voice, but indra did not convey it as desperate. like her, he was confused -- and like her, he was overwhelmed by the strangeness of indra's condition. she swallowed shakily, turning back to look at him carefully. she wanted more than anything to stay, but he was right - it was not what she wanted, it was what it wanted -- she didn't even know what it was -- irrational second psyche? little voice in her head? hormone monstress?  "i don't know what's wrong with me." she managed to disclose suddenly, a lance of shame piercing her chest. she felt sorry for being angry with him when she shouldn't be. she felt sorry for feeling spurned. mostly, she felt sorry when she witnessed that faint twinge of hurt across his muzzle. she had not wanted to hurt him.

quickly then, she strode away - and sorrow and disappointment followed hot on her heels.