Sun Mote Copse thick water

hoping for a @Finley or @Elwood thread, but pm me if you don't have time and i'll just change it to AW. <3

Things'd been tough this fall. Even before the first frost arrived Eljay was thinned down by the lack of large prey. He just needed to hold on, pull through, he knew this. He'd been here before, after all, last time that things'd got rough. Summer, that time. The lands had recovered before winter that time, though, and now it looked like they were going into winter without a lot of food to spare. Eljay wasn't too sure if he could hold on through the entire winter, but he knew if he survived it, he'd be alright come spring. Just like last time. Caring for his siblings'd pulled him through then, and caring for his sensitive bright child Weejay would pull him through now. He was grateful that at least one of them still needed him, even despite all his flaws and failures, and despite losing Elfie.

Eljay was searching through the Copse looking for prey, but more than anything else, what he was really looking for was a way to deal with Elfie. A way to deal with Elfie that didn't result in hating himself. Maybe mommy or daddy had advice. They'd raised so many children together. Then again, many of those'd left, too. What if they said it was simply a part of life? And what if it was a part of life? Eljay was not sure he wanted to just accept that his own son would never respect or love him in the way he hoped when becoming a father.

*tiptoes in so late*

Things weren't great, but life kept moving forward, and Elwood strode along with it. He did what he could, and while some days that didn't feel like much, he tried to keep a positive outlook. They would rebound from all they had been through in the past few months -- wouldn't they?

Like his eldest son, he was in search of food, though he had to admit his hunt was a little half-hearted. He came across Eljay's trail and was happy for a brief distraction. "Hey," he called as he approached, smiling in spite of himself. "Any luck?" he asked, somewhat rhetorically.

thank for joining! <3

The shape of his father was a comforting presence. It was nice how sometimes you felt you needed something or someone, and rather than having to search for them like you would usually have to they simply materialised by your side. Eljay smiled appreciatively at his father, and then glanced ahead. Nothing. It was no surprise to either of them that his answer was a shake of his head. He hadn't had any luck, just like yesterday and the day before that. He worried for winter, a worry he contemplated speaking out loud, but in the end he decided against it. Sometimes it was better not to say these things, for it would make them even more real, and he had enough worries on his mind as it were.

Walk together..? Searching for prey, perhaps, or perhaps just to talk. Eljay wasn't entirely sure what it was that he was asking precisely, but when they started their walk, the words just came naturally. Do you... Eljay started, not sure how to phrase his question. Not sure what his question even was. Do you think Elfie will return here? He chewed on his lip, afraid of what the answer might be. Afraid that Elfie would never love him. Eljay longed to ask if Elwood had ever had the feeling that any of his children didn't love him, but all the ones that Eljay had seen all seemed to love and respect both of his parents a great deal, so the question alone seemed an affront that he was too scared to say out loud.

As he expected, Eljay's response was negative. Still, despite Elwood's anticipation of that answer, it wasn't fun to hear that food was still difficult to find. He huffed a gentle sigh, setting aside those thoughts as Eljay asked him to walk. He nodded his affirmation and fell into step with his son.

They had taken only a few steps when the younger Blackthorn began to pose a question. His words paused momentarily, in a cadence that was familiar, and Elwood simply turned his head towards Eljay, ears cupped forward to show that he was listening. After just a moment, Eljay continued with his query, asking whether or not Elwood thought Elfie would eventually return to the Firebirds.

He could only speak from his own experience. His other children had all come and gone; Eljay was the only one who had stayed consistently with his parents (save for his short time away with Wildfire). It was difficult to predict whether or not Elfie would choose to come back, but Elwood honestly thought there was a good chance he would (of course, this was before they knew about Asterism Grove's collapse). He knew that Elfie was headstrong and hadn't always gotten along with his dad, but he suspected that maturity and time would help to forge their bond as father and son. "He might. He knows that his family is here and that he would always be welcomed back with open arms," he said. It might not have been the exact response that Eljay wanted, but it was Elwood's truthful opinion.

Eljay frowned as he waited for his father's answer, feeling unsure about the future. He hoped Elfie would return, but considering the amount of children left with mommy and daddy today, maybe he should just be happy that Weejay was a bit of a homebody like himself. He was truly grateful that she seemed less interested in doing her own thing, as it often felt with Elfie as if he didn't love Eljay very much, and did not understand how much Eljay loved him (or at least didn't like it much).

He nodded slowly at his father's response. Open-ended, as Elwood's advices often were. I'm just... His frown deepened. What if he learns from Towhee that I'm not... Eljay chewed his lip, as he felt like an idiot admitting that he still didn't like that Towhee thought so lowly of him and made him feel anxious whenever he was near her. What if he loses what little respect he might have for me because of what Towhee thinks of me? It was one of the hardest things he ever had to say. Saying it out loud somehow made it even more scary and real, too. Eljay took a short breath, trying to steady his breathing.

Eljay’s next concern began with Towhee, and Elwood’s brows knit together as he waited patiently for his son to finish his thought. It took some effort for Eljay to get it out, which wasn’t unusual, but Elwood wondered if it was because he was particularly worried about whatever this fear was. When he finally did admit it, Elwood uttered an exhalation similar to Eljay’s.

He knew that Eljay and Towhee had never been close, and that Towhee’s personality was simply a lot stronger than Eljay’s. They just weren’t a pair, and that was fine. The thought of her bad-mouthing her brother to his son made him shake his head. First of all, what does Towhee think of you? he asked gently, since this seemed to be a deep-rooted suspicion.

And second of all, he added before Eljay had answered, I don’t think she would ever do anything to make Elfie lose respect for you. Family was one of Towhee’s top priorities; he couldn’t imagine her turning Elfie against Eljay.

Daddy asked what Towhee did think of Eljay in a way that Eljay found hard to decipher. He couldn't quite tell whether his father was being a protective father here or the complete opposite, who thought his son was exaggerating. It wouldn't surprise Eljay if it was the latter, considering he knew he was a lot more susceptible to these things and a lot of it was gut feeling, too. However, he didn't feel it was very surprising he and Towhee weren't alike in any way and that she might not respect him. It didn't surprise Eljay, at least, and neither did he blame her for it, just like he had never blamed Nightjar who had actually teased him (and whose teasing Eljay perhaps projected onto Towhee's impatience with his feelings at times); but it did worry him.

I don't know, he said eventually, even though he had a lot of suspicions. But the truth of the matter was that he didn't know, and maybe that was why it made him so nervous. She doesn't usually talk about feelings. After a short pause, he added: But I can see that she doesn't like me, or maybe even kinda wishes I wasn't there. And if Eljay was honest with himself, he had at times had the same feelings, because he could not deal with Towhee well all the time, either. And I don't blame her, or anything, I just -- what if it makes Elfie feel the same?

Or worse, What if Elfie already felt the same and his feelings are confirmed by Towhee? Dad said that he didn't think Towhee would make Elfie lose respect for him. Eljay didn't think that she'd intend to, maybe, but that didn't mean it wouldn't happen. What if it happens even if she doesn't mean it, just because they would talk about what they both don't like about me?

Eljay couldn’t exactly describe what he thought Towhee’s impression of him was, but summed it up by saying he believed she wished he wasn’t around. Despite this, Elwood doubted it. Family was more important to Towhee than anything else, and while Eljay may not have been her favorite wolf, he was still family.

He didn’t think Eljay’s concerns were ridiculous; he just knew in his bones that they would never come true. (And if they did, he would have some words for all involved.) He shook his head again. I’m sorry this is bothering you so much. I’m not trying to belittle your worry, but I want to reassure you — I really don’t think that would happen. Even if Towhee isn’t your biggest fan, for whatever reasons, she wouldn’t let that influence Elfie’s thoughts, purposefully or accidentally.

He gave a wry smile. Fatherhood is fun, isn’t it? he quipped, meaning the comment to be sarcastic. He had dealt with his own share of heart-wrenching worry over the years.

Dad seemed to think that there was no way that Towhee would make Elfie look poorly on him, even accidentally or indirectly. Eljay frowned, thinking that maybe dad didn't know just how Towhee thought of him. It wasn't that Eljay thought Towhee would do something like that on purpose; it was mostly just that he was afraid she would do it without realising it herself.

But there wasn't a lot of use arguing with dad about it, because neither of them knew the truth of it. Eljay sighed and said, You're probably right. Even though he didn't really think so at all. But he didn't want to argue, and he didn't want dad to think that his council was unappreciated.

Dad's sort-of jokey comment was received with a half-hearted smile. Eljay knew he meant well, but he had imagined this all to be a lot more... Well, good-feeling. More like when he was raising the other pups in the pack and his siblings and Raven's pups, except a lot more so. He hadn't expected the worries to be a lot more so, too, somehow. And then there was the fact that he was doing it alone...

Dad, I — Eljay said, his voice quivering, I just miss Wiffle so much... He looked up at Elwood with tears shining in his eyes, his gaze pleading even though Eljay knew there wasn't a thing anyone in the world could do about his heartache.

Although Elwood couldn’t read Eljay’s mind, it was clear that troubled thoughts were still swirling in his brain, in spite of the pitiful smile he offered. And, sure enough, moments later Eljay’s facade crumbled. His eyes flooded with tears as he confessed that he missed Wildfire.

Elwood stepped forward to embrace his son, forgoing any words for a few long moments. When he released Eljay from the hug, his own eyes were dry, but there was a deep sadness in his heart. He had never been in that position and couldn’t imagine how it felt, even with all of his good intentions.

I know, he said, feeling that nothing he said beyond that would be adequate. Eljay didn’t need advice; he just needed his father’s unwavering support.

For some time Eljay managed to keep his composure, eyes shining with tears but them not flowing. Yet when dad moved forward to hug him there was something in him that broke. Eljay pushed his face against his father's fur and sobbed, his body heaving back and forth as he did. Nobody would understand what he was going through, and everyone seemed to have moved on from Wiffle's death but he. Even dad could not properly understand, but Eljay knew that that would never stop his father from being there for him, for understanding; for supporting.

The thought of losing his parents, too, was unbearable, but Eljay hoped that he would not need to see that day, not for another good while to come. He nosed against his father's fur, eyes closed as he cried violently for some time, until eventually he was all out of tears for the moment.

The sobs slowed down eventually until they fell silent and Eljay just hung against his father's shoulder, clinging to his father's support like a raft on a stormy ocean, as the remnants of the pain he had felt swirled around in his head.

We can wrap up or keep going if you want, either way is good with me!

As long as Eljay needed him, Elwood would be there -- in this moment and in those beyond. For now, he simply remained still and did not speak any further, letting Eljay express his emotions in the way that was best for him. He was certainly the most sensitive of all of Elwood and Finley's children, and some may have seen that as a flaw -- Towhee, in fact, if their conversation was rooted in truth -- but Elwood knew that in a way, it was healthy. It wouldn't be good for Eljay to hold his feelings in, so he let him release them like a waterfall.

i'll wrap this up, thanks for the thread <3

The feelings just came pouring out and it was nice to release them, even despite the pain it caused Eljay. He couldn't possibly survive without having an outlet like that, even though it made him feel like too much all at the same time, too.

It felt like forever until finally the tears subsided and Eljay remained leaned against his father for some time, just basking in the comfort of another wolf nearby.