@Aditya this post is awful but here u go
Mature Content Warning
This thread has been marked as mature. By reading and/or participating in this thread, you acknowledge that you are of age or have permission from your parents to do so.The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: suicidal thoughts, please dont read if thats a trigger for you!
It was one of those days. The kind he'd never actually realized he'd have; the kind where he just sat around and wished he was dead. It was kinda funny. He'd gone over it so many times in his head, so many different ways he could try again, that it had become almost a casual thing. His own little menu of ways to be awful and selfish.
It was selfish of him. Alarian's death would leave Delight alone with the burden of leadership once again (he'd do to him what his last leader had, in a way, but more permanent— worse— was he okay with that?), would rip away his chance to truly mend things with Zamael and Eris and Lily (he would be the one running away (again) this time, but not for weeks or months or years, forever), would leave Ulf with no one to look out for him (he'd be hurting him and condemning him), would send Bracken Sanctuary into a state of chaos (but he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore, would he?).
He forced himself to his feet, taking steps without really seeing where he was going. At some point, he found himself at the borders, staring into the valley. It would be so easy to turn around, he thought. He knew the right plant. The thought quickened his pulse, bile rising in his throat, and inexplicably he thought of Mahler. Pictured what he thought the man's reaction might be to such a sentiment; distaste, at the very least, he imagined.
It was enough to shake the worst of the fit from him, and he settled to lay with his head on his paws and sighed. Perhaps he'd keep watch here for a time; Queenie didn't seem to be about, so he was probably safe for now. Hopefully she was feeding her goddamn kids.
It was selfish of him. Alarian's death would leave Delight alone with the burden of leadership once again (he'd do to him what his last leader had, in a way, but more permanent— worse— was he okay with that?), would rip away his chance to truly mend things with Zamael and Eris and Lily (he would be the one running away (again) this time, but not for weeks or months or years, forever), would leave Ulf with no one to look out for him (he'd be hurting him and condemning him), would send Bracken Sanctuary into a state of chaos (but he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore, would he?).
He forced himself to his feet, taking steps without really seeing where he was going. At some point, he found himself at the borders, staring into the valley. It would be so easy to turn around, he thought. He knew the right plant. The thought quickened his pulse, bile rising in his throat, and inexplicably he thought of Mahler. Pictured what he thought the man's reaction might be to such a sentiment; distaste, at the very least, he imagined.
It was enough to shake the worst of the fit from him, and he settled to lay with his head on his paws and sighed. Perhaps he'd keep watch here for a time; Queenie didn't seem to be about, so he was probably safe for now. Hopefully she was feeding her goddamn kids.
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Messages In This Thread
i dont even feel like writing - by Alarian - July 13, 2018, 02:40 AM
RE: i dont even feel like writing - by Aditya - July 16, 2018, 01:21 AM
RE: i dont even feel like writing - by Alarian - July 16, 2018, 02:18 AM
RE: i dont even feel like writing - by Aditya - July 17, 2018, 03:34 PM
RE: i dont even feel like writing - by Alarian - July 17, 2018, 05:29 PM
RE: i dont even feel like writing - by Aditya - July 17, 2018, 05:45 PM
RE: i dont even feel like writing - by Alarian - July 17, 2018, 06:10 PM
RE: i dont even feel like writing - by Aditya - July 18, 2018, 06:13 PM
RE: i dont even feel like writing - by Alarian - July 18, 2018, 09:59 PM
RE: i dont even feel like writing - by Aditya - July 21, 2018, 11:57 AM
RE: i dont even feel like writing - by Alarian - July 21, 2018, 12:14 PM