Broken Boulder spin for you like your favorite records used to

del askin the hard questions
we can archive it here if u want!

He shook his head at Delight's offer; he appreciated it, but his friend didn't need to sort out his mess. Still, he could not look at him. The question he asked, though— oh. Alarian paused, suddenly looking rather stricken. He recalled his conversation with Eris, only hours after the fact. 'I said yes.'
Yes? His own voice sounded desperate, uncertain to him, as if he was asking Delight rather than answering him. He swallowed hard, ears flattening. It had been consensual. He didn't— he asked, after he was already— Already on top of me, but he couldn't say the words, and he didn't know why this hurt to answer, why he was so torn between feeling used and violated and wanting Aditya so fiercely it didn't matter. Sometimes he thought back to the encounter and his skin crawled and he felt disgusting and he hated the man; other times, the memory filled him with intense longing, a raw desperate need to be close to him again, to feel like he wasn't worthless.
I said yes, These words came more softly, a crushing wave of self-loathing washing over him as he repeated the words again, again, the way he'd rehearsed them to himself. He'd said yes; Aditya had not forced him. He swallowed again, shifting and rising to his feet and not caring any more that it was obvious what he was doing, obvious why he was preparing to flee. Unbidden, more words spilled from him. I just— didn't really want to, I wouldn't have if—
Alarian cut himself off. But I did. So. Yeah, it was. Sorry, I just— remembered something I have to do. Thanks for listening. I'll um, catch you later. He fled, again.