Broken Boulder i dont even feel like writing

There were, perhaps, ways to get Alarian to stop crying— making him feel guilty for crying was not one of them. Aditya's begging made him feel worse at first, and who knew crying made dizziness worse? Well, he didn't. He gave up and laid down entirely, wondering if this could actually get any more awkward. Rather than try to grasp the remaining shreds of his dignity and uh— what was that phrase? Man up— hahaha— nah, he hid his face in his paws and cried more.
But when the other started offering suggestions, Alarian couldn't help but glance up at him in disbelief. The tears didn't stop, but the words drew a quiet laugh from him— a little bitter, a little hollow, but a laugh nonetheless. He didn't even know what any of those words meant, but he assumed they might be sufficient to cover his opinion of Aditya.
Somehow, he realized, he still didn't want to do any of that. He had thought so, but it seemed he could never quite pinpoint how he felt about Aditya. He couldn't decide if he hated him or cared about him— both, he thought, and found the idea repulsive.
I don't want to do any of that, He admitted quietly, swallowing hard. His ears pinned briefly to his skull. I just want— What did he want? He faltered, studying Aditya for several beats as if he might have the answer. Then he fixed his gaze on the ground, realizing he didn't know at all what he wanted; he just didn't want to hurt any more.