wearing my dream like a diadem in some better land.
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She was done arguing, and she was done fighting, and she was done being so ignorantly irresponsible.
She was exhausted of it. She was through playing blame games, and she was through being looked upon with uncertainty and mistrust and disappointment. So she marched out to find her brood first — either child, even — whether they wished to see her or not, tail-tip flickering at her hocks.
The same went for Vercingetorix; but she would find him later, if his wounds hadn’t festered and taken him already.
Aure would rein in her abstract concepts as best as she could for the sake of this, because her children (or, one of them, at least) needed to understand where exactly she was coming from. She didn’t know any other way to do this — but they couldn’t live like this, pissed with another forever with next to no place for love and warmth and trust to enter again.
”I have been slow to realize my mistakes,” the herbalist began, ”they were mandatory, but selfish. I will not lie about this. With Diaspora, I would have continued on there if it meant that ze two of you would’ve flourish there — however, ze matter of your father’s whereabouts held a more pressing value, even more-so when ze Diasporans made it clear that if we do not follow their creed, then we must leave. When Stigmata announced he was leaving, and when Mahler himself was so distant. Either we would live within a dying pack, or we could find your father, and perhaps hope that he’d secure some place up here.”
”I was wrong about doing both... or, doing them too early. Perhaps I should not have done them at all.” Aure situated herself before either adolescent, “And ze reason I also left you with some... weirdo, as you say, is because I had to protect you — protect you from someone who has harmed me as a pup, and who would have taken great delight in harming you. I do not like to fight. I do not like to hurt. I do not like to separate myself from my children in ze paws of someone they don’t truly know. I had to fend him off, before he could reach you... I had to have help to have done it.”
All this was said with a bit of monotone from her foreign lips; a bit of dead light in her argent eyes; but she would rather continue to have their disappointment than to have their pity.
”Apologies will never be enough, but... I am sorry that I am not more aware of my own... inconsistencies. I should have bettered myself before you came into this world — I will do so now. You... may hold me in contempt for as long as it pleases you,” a thin smile, feeling that entirely and without any sense of self-pity, “but I am your mother. Even when I make such mistakes, I will always be there for you.”
With that and a soft, “I hope I earn your forgiveness, and trust, and respect someday once more,” the silver bowed her head, the weight of all she’d said on spent, rigid shoulders. It didn’t matter if it took several seasons to make this up to them... to Verx... but it might as well become her new life’s mission.
She was exhausted of it. She was through playing blame games, and she was through being looked upon with uncertainty and mistrust and disappointment. So she marched out to find her brood first — either child, even — whether they wished to see her or not, tail-tip flickering at her hocks.
The same went for Vercingetorix; but she would find him later, if his wounds hadn’t festered and taken him already.
Aure would rein in her abstract concepts as best as she could for the sake of this, because her children (or, one of them, at least) needed to understand where exactly she was coming from. She didn’t know any other way to do this — but they couldn’t live like this, pissed with another forever with next to no place for love and warmth and trust to enter again.
”I have been slow to realize my mistakes,” the herbalist began, ”they were mandatory, but selfish. I will not lie about this. With Diaspora, I would have continued on there if it meant that ze two of you would’ve flourish there — however, ze matter of your father’s whereabouts held a more pressing value, even more-so when ze Diasporans made it clear that if we do not follow their creed, then we must leave. When Stigmata announced he was leaving, and when Mahler himself was so distant. Either we would live within a dying pack, or we could find your father, and perhaps hope that he’d secure some place up here.”
”I was wrong about doing both... or, doing them too early. Perhaps I should not have done them at all.” Aure situated herself before either adolescent, “And ze reason I also left you with some... weirdo, as you say, is because I had to protect you — protect you from someone who has harmed me as a pup, and who would have taken great delight in harming you. I do not like to fight. I do not like to hurt. I do not like to separate myself from my children in ze paws of someone they don’t truly know. I had to fend him off, before he could reach you... I had to have help to have done it.”
All this was said with a bit of monotone from her foreign lips; a bit of dead light in her argent eyes; but she would rather continue to have their disappointment than to have their pity.
”Apologies will never be enough, but... I am sorry that I am not more aware of my own... inconsistencies. I should have bettered myself before you came into this world — I will do so now. You... may hold me in contempt for as long as it pleases you,” a thin smile, feeling that entirely and without any sense of self-pity, “but I am your mother. Even when I make such mistakes, I will always be there for you.”
With that and a soft, “I hope I earn your forgiveness, and trust, and respect someday once more,” the silver bowed her head, the weight of all she’d said on spent, rigid shoulders. It didn’t matter if it took several seasons to make this up to them... to Verx... but it might as well become her new life’s mission.
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Messages In This Thread
till i’m blind & hiding in the lion’s mouth - by Andraste - July 13, 2019, 05:36 PM
RE: till i’m blind & hiding in the lion’s mouth - by Dragomir - July 13, 2019, 06:39 PM
RE: till i’m blind & hiding in the lion’s mouth - by Andraste - July 13, 2019, 07:12 PM
RE: till i’m blind & hiding in the lion’s mouth - by Dragomir - July 14, 2019, 09:19 AM
RE: till i’m blind & hiding in the lion’s mouth - by Andraste - July 14, 2019, 03:32 PM
RE: till i’m blind & hiding in the lion’s mouth - by Dragomir - July 14, 2019, 04:59 PM
RE: till i’m blind & hiding in the lion’s mouth - by Andraste - July 14, 2019, 08:30 PM