Sun Mote Copse worry never dies

Eljay had thought that hearing Towhee say the words would make him feel better about all of this. That it'd make him feel as if he mattered, as if Elfie mattered, as if Towhee genuinely felt bad about it. But it didn't bring relief at all to the way he felt. It didn't bring Elfie back. It just made him feel all the more empty because the supposed cure for the feelings raging inside didn't work at all like he imagined it would. Eljay frowned and it was as if he gave up for a moment, a sad expression shimmering in his eyes and the anger he had felt and showed moments before suddenly gone.

I know, he said with a sigh. That you tried.

And it didn't make a damn difference, somehow.

There was a silence that lingered between them. A silence that might've been uncomfortable before, but now it didn't feel so uncomfortable. It didn't feel so unequal. When she spoke again, disclaimering her words beforehand, he looked up at Towhee again. He might've felt offended or attacked if the disclaimer hadn't been provided, or if he wasn't just so tired and sad and at a loss. But as it were, he just frowned and thought about it for a few seconds before he started a reply that wasn't anywhere near what he really wanted to say. I don't know where to look, I'd get lost. I -- I'm needed here, too. Weejay... And then he realised the real fear that lingered. A fear that Weejay might follow him, to help him look. A fear that he might lose her, too, when she was out there. A fear that she might get interested in exploring after their searches and leave home to further look for her brother.

A fear that he might die and Weejay would lose her only remaining parent and only remaining direct relative of the family that consisted of himself, Wildfire, Elfie and Weejay. She can't lose me, too. I'm the last one she's got left. And Eljay knew from experience that the world was a shitty place. His navigation skills were shit. He'd just get lost and die. He didn't know at all how to find the way himself in anywhere other than a place that was his home.