The Heartwood I don't feel the rain or the sun

He practically shouted back at her, and it made her jaw tighten, but she let him speak. He wanted to please her—his intentions were not to hurt her. And yet, he had more than once. It seemed like every time she turned around, she was finding out about more things he did behind her back, or more things he had kept from her. Simmik stiffened as he moved so close that their noses almost touched, but she didn't move back. Surprise flickered across her face when he suggested she come stay with him for a few days. How would that even work? And what exactly did he expect to come from that? Did he think she would just magically be okay with things and then they could continue whatever it was they had before everything got complicated? It seemed unlikely to say the least. And he wasn't even promising her any kind of change; what he wanted was to keep doing bad things and for her to just be okay with it—he wanted to have his cake and eat it too, and that's just not how life was. 

She hadn't been sure of her answer, though, and when he got up a walked away from her, she studied him for a few moments before speaking. It's hard to believe your words when your actions say otherwise, she answered quietly. And what do you mean by stay with you? she asked. Like with you and your pack? The ones that spied on my pack and hurt my packmate? The one that tried to hurt Mal? She shook her head, the idea sounding even worse now that she had pointed all that out. What are you hoping will happen? That I'll just be okay with you doing bad things and hurting others that don't deserve it? Her decisions were made under a fairly strict moral code; she didn't go out of her way to hurt anyone that hadn't hurt her or anyone she cared about, and she tried to do what was right in most situations. What was he going to show her that would change how she felt about his darker side?

His question made her chest tighten, and she finally got up and padded over to his side, still careful to keep just enough space between them that none of her touched any part of him. It hasn't changed how I feel about you yet, she said, shaking her head. But that doesn't mean it's okay. Many times, she should have written him off and moved on with her life, but for reasons she couldn't begin to understand, she couldn't change how she felt about him. She shouldn't care this much about him, but what her brain knew seemed vastly different from what her heart felt, no matter how many times he had let her down. Letting things go any further between them was sure to end badly. So why was it so hard for her to walk away?