The Heartwood I don't feel the rain or the sun

Didnt know if I needed to tag it again but WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF RAPE.

Kynareth scoffs. “Spying isn’t always bad. It’s not like I can come over, howl at your borders and ask Hey Simmik how are you? What’s happening over here? Oh nothing? Okay, just wondering.” He almost spits sarcastically. 

He sighs and shakes his head, becoming visibly unsettled by something. Something that he’s chanting like a fucking mantra in his mind. 

Tell her. Tell her, tell her, tell her, tell her. Do it. DO IT NOW. Make her hate you. You don’t need anyone. She doesn’t NEED you either. 

His ears press against his neck as he shakes himself off, bits of fur flying through the wind as the light breeze takes them. Then he stares hard at Simmik. “I know you don’t want to hate me, but as you said it seems history keeps repeating itself and I keep giving you reasons to do exactly that. You—“ he looks away, walks further away from her. He can hardly make him look at her. “you are — I don’t fucking know. You’re too good for me. Go be with someone who isn’t a piece of shit. Who doesn’t kill for kicks and laughs in the face of death or whatever.” His words are less than eloquent. He’s bitter, he wants to stay with her but he knows that wheat he’s about to tell her will ruin their relationship anyway. If it doesn’t? He might just convert to being a good boy for the rest of his god damned life, but he knows that won’t be happening.

He walks towards her tentatively, keeping a fair meter between them. He doesn’t dare come any closer. He will expect either tears or her teeth ripping into him. “Simmik.” He begins, visibly dreading the news he’s about to give her. “I raped Aphrodite, that small agouti female from Whitebark Stream. I did that to her when I first came here. Before we were what we were.” He pauses, knowing  there’s nothing to say to make it better. “I regret it now, I’ve cried and apologize to her, but it beats no fruit. It is unforgivable. So go, just go. Fucking hate me, attack me, whatever you want to do, but just don’t —“ he looks away. “Just hate me, it’s easier. It’s all I deserve.”