Hideaway Strath Up north’s getting cold soon

In love? He was in love with her? She was at a loss for words. She stared back at him with wide, surprised eyes. Did he even understand love? Did she? She did love him—it was something she had known for a while, but it was also very complicated, as with everything else between them. The emotion evident in his voice and in his gaze as she searched it with her own was real. He was exposing his vulnerability to her even though she had done nothing to prove she was really on his side. It caused a tightening in her stomach that she hadn't felt in a long time. Part of her wanted to use this knowledge to control him, and she might do that to some extent. But mostly, she felt like she needed to protect him from what this would mean for him. After everything, his fucked up hold over her was winning out. She was hopeless—one confession of love from him, and she suddenly felt the need to keep that soft side of him safe from others who would want to use it against him, even though she was still considering doing it herself. It caused a small tear in her heart to think of such a thing, but she thought it anyway. 

You love me? she repeated back, her voice soft and unsure. She closed her eyes and shook her head. Suddenly, a wave of despair washed over her, and her eyes grew warm with moisture. You shouldn't love me, she murmured. I am fucking broken, and I don't know how to put myself back together. She had been searching for a way, but she never felt any better. She was tired of feeling like half of herself. She was tired of being weak and at the mercy of something she couldn't control. If he loved her, then he loved a shell of what she had once been.