Lake Rodney what would you say if i came home now

Once more Eljay found himself standing at Redhawk Caldera's edge. He'd gone all the way down to look out over Lake Rodney. Mere weeks ago he had visited Maia, and the lake hadn't seemed so big anymore. He'd felt lighter in his heart and in his step as he made his way towards the Fen, and it hadn't felt like such a big deal. Then Moonspear crashed and everything changed for him. He was afraid whenever he thought of venturing out. Afraid of all the things the outside world could bring him, having just seen a crash-and-burn example of such a thing.

With the pain of his previous encounter with Maia dulled a little, he really wanted to see her again, and it hurt that he couldn't. Eljay could easily ask someone to come with him, of course, but he also could not. They were all busy working through their own grief and problems, and that made him feel more left out and alone, even though it wasn't their fault.

Eljay had given a lot of thought to Maia and his previous encounter. He didn't entirely understand where it had gone wrong. He didn't entirely know what he should've done better, other than just have said yes right away. Honestly, Eljay might've considered it if she had just left it as an open-ended, "hey, this is what I'm thinking, we can talk about it later" thing. Or even if she hadn't gotten sad when he said he needed time. He wasn't sure he could take the time right now, even, with the state the Caldera was in. They needed him right now. But what of when the pups were born..? There'd be new care tasks, and the stream of those might never stop. He might just keep going on and on until he finally broke. He needed to talk to Fennec about taking over his duties, but she was far away and the fact she travelled a lot might not make her the best replacement, either.

He stayed at the edge of the territory and looked at the lake in doubt, looking rooted in place. He wasn't sure what he wanted with the future... or rather, he wasn't too sure that he was able to choose for what he wanted, so lost was he in trying to please all those around him. Ironic, considering he had felt like he was dragging everyone and the pack down as its weakest link for most his life, and now, he felt the exact opposite. It was possibly an even more stressful place to be.

He wasn't sure about the future, but he was sure what he wanted right now; to make up with Maia and hope she would take him back. But he found his paws rooted just over the Caldera's borders, much to his own frustration.