Kildeer Rest just give me time to give you a waste of time

tags for visibility but anyone is welcome to hop in!
dated for the 24th

He was in no state to be outside of the territory, and he didn't even want to think about how many different people he was pissing off at that exact moment. It was difficult enough to slip past @Zamael and @Eris; he'd just gone the exact opposite direction when he caught @Delight and @Ulf's scents, and he could've sworn he'd glimpsed Lily on his way past the borders. But somehow, he'd made it to freedom, and he wasn't quite sure what he'd do with it now.
He just needed a break.
Really, this time. It was tempting to give death another go, but he'd have to find more nightshade. There was no more Runion to use, he thought with a grimace. He felt the breeze across his wounds and winced slightly, slowing his pace to glance around with the one eye that still worked (he still wasn't used to it, still wasn't even over the fact that it had happened, but it was easier if he didn't think about it). He could see Sleeping Dragon in the distance, and the river running through the valley; he couldn't reach either of those places, not today. His meeting place with Samothes was out of the question, especially in his state, but— he'd been second-guessing that anyway, lately.

One thing he liked about the territory of grassy plains just outside Broken Boulder was how quiet it always was— sometimes he hated it, but usually when he found himself here, he needed the silence. This time was no exception. Everything hurt; his head, his neck, his shoulder, his eye— fuck, honestly everything. But he needed this— time alone, to think, without the danger of running into a packmate. At least until they noticed he was gone.
There was always too much going on. The rivalry with Queenie. The whole Runion thing. His conversation with Aditya had left him raw; he'd decided there was nothing left to salvage between them, not when he'd walked away as Alarian pleaded with him to stay, and it hurt to realize. And he still worried about the state of his relationships with Lily and Eris— not to mention Ulf, who had seemed off lately, yet he didn't have the energy to try to fix any of these things. Then there was Zamael; a constant presence, his main source of support, and presently one he largely took for granted. Perhaps that was unfair of him— or maybe he deserved this, at least for a bit, after all he'd suffered (he was blind in one eye, damnit)— right?
But none of that had driven him out here, actually. No, it was—
Goddamn Delight Singing-Sunlight. What was with that name, anyway? It was ridiculously cute, and he hated it sometimes, because (almost) everything about Delight was ridiculously cute. And Alarian— well, he was like a hermit crab. Ugly and kind of mean and very awkward to go on a date with. So the problem was obvious; except, he was pretty sure Delight was somehow into it, and that was kind of terrifying. Who likes to date hermit crabs? Weirdo.
So he was going with pretending it was totally unrequited and always would be. That was way easier than talking about feelings.

slips right in here B)

the glacier is strange to adapt to, out of place amongst the northerners and their foreign tongue and ways. at the same time it is invigorating -- the rush of something new, a chance to remake himself yet again in the teekons. that he is now closer to alarian (if his assumption as to where alarian's home surely lies is correct) has not escaped his notice, either, although he has made no moves to act on that. his past few visits to their mutual meeting space have been fruitless; whether because the boy has moved on or something else he can't say. it doesn't bother him in the long run, although the distraction had been pleasant.

perhaps it is lingering curiousity that drives him to explore east of the glacier, though. he has no desire to interact with alarian's pack if he finds it, taking a sweeping route around the mountains called sleeping dragon. as he turns 'round the edge north it is not a pack he discovers but a familiar scent, and despite himself he finds himself trailing it. as he does he wonders if his slender lover will take offense -- there's something almost taboo about seeking him out here, away from their place... if it gives him a tiny thrill of pleasure to think about, he suppresses it.

"alarian," samothes calls out, tone teasing as he draws within view. when he's close enough to make out the details of alarian's mangled face, his expression twists into a grimace, pausing as he says, "seems that choleric impulse of yours finally got the best of you."

He didn't actually notice Samothes until he heard his name, and his heart dropped into his stomach. Oh shit— oh no. The last thing he'd wanted was to be seen like this, and— ugh. Yeah, He answered with a faint, tired grin, moving to close the distance between them. It was definitely more awkward than he'd thought it would be, if only because for some reason he still couldn't get Delight out of his head.
You're pretty far from home, Alarian commented with a glance in the direction of Swiftcurrent Creek. His proximity to Broken Boulder made him a little nervous— more than a little nervous, actually. What if Zamael or Eris showed up? What if Delight showed up? Ugh, Delight. Why couldn't he just— stop thinking about him for five full seconds, at least?

not so fun to tease when he doesn't push back at all. well, he supposes that tracks, considering whatever happened to him must have been fairly recent. for a moment samothes rests his gaze on alarian's injuries, scanning the wound critically, taking in the new details of his deformed face. he offers no respite for the intensity of his gaze, but neither does judgement flicker behind his sharp eyes. 

at length he says, "i suppose i am," allowing, briefly, for the other man to change the subject. he could tell alarian that he's relocated -- had intended to, in fact -- but the idea seems dangerous now. there is something in the energy alarian currently carries with him that makes samothes want to tread carefully. instead he says casually, "i met your brother zamael," the offhanded way someone notices the rain, "i hope he was able to find you." and also, i hope he wasn't the one to tear your eye out, and all of that, goes unsaid.

The air between them was definitely off, but he supposed he'd started it— but then he mentioned Zamael, and suddenly he didn't care that the air between them was off.
He was, He answered, voice a touch colder than it had been. There was no reason for him to be upset, but— fuck, what had Zamael told him? He wasn't about to ask. Instead he was silent for a couple beats, wondering what there was to say, exactly. Maybe— now was a good time to... end this? What little existed between them, anyway.
I've actually been meaning to talk to you, He tried to sound lighthearted, settling back on his haunches and studying Samothes. I think it might be time to uh— stop. This. Technically he wasn't obligated to explain at all, so he left it there and really hoped he didn't ask why. Because honestly, Alarian didn't actually have anyone to talk to about Delight, about his feelings— and god help the first person to push on that particular subject.

hm. the shift in tone is -- not surprising, perhaps (given that alarian has thus far resisted every attempt samothes has made to pry any personal information out of him), but certainly not what he'd hoped for. ah, well. he offers a momentary frown, an expression meaning duly noted, quickly dropped as he starts to speak again. 

"is what we are a this?" the messeda can't help but ask, his eyebrow lifting up, expression all feigned innocence. he's not upset -- au contraire, with thelxiope's sudden return to him much the same thought had crossed his mind, albeit not strongly enough for him to actually pursue. samothes' style is more... ghosting. against his better judgement (if this is to be their last tet-a-tet he might as well push for something) samothes tacks on "i suppose there's a reason for your unilateral decision?" the tenor of his voice just this side of sharp. do not be confused, dear reader: it is not the thought of his and alarian's relationship meeting a swift end that brings ire out in him, but the information that has been withheld throughout -- he will have his explanation whether alarian wants for that or not. and more pettily, frankly, he prefers to do the dumping himself. 

He couldn't help but roll his eyes at Samothes' first question; it was definitely a this, and not much more. At least he wasn't offended— well, he thought so until the second question registered. He sucked in a breath, wondering if he should actually answer that. Honestly, he didn't have much to lose. At worst, he'd maybe be really unimpressed— and Alarian could definitely live with that.
Well, yes, He swallowed; wow, it was weird to think he was going to tell someone, out loud. And maybe for a moment he could stop pretending it was totally one-sided— just a moment wouldn't hurt. It's uhh— there's this guy. And I'm not really good at feelings, and he's too good for me anyway, and we haven't actually gotten to uhhh— discussing that whole thing but there's been— moments, I think. Anyway. It's all a stupid idea and it's probably going to hurt a lot, but— he's really cute.
Well, it was easier (and safer) to say that than to list off all his endearing traits— and Samothes didn't need to know the details anyway. He'd already sort of... overshared. Sorry, you didn't need to know all that, He grinned, but it wasn't very apologetic; honestly, he didn't feel all that bad. The other pried too much anyway. But, yeah. Setting up to get my heart broken again like the genius I am.

there's this guy, alarian says: well. he could say, ah, yes, there's this girl, so we are on the same page, but what is the point. in a twisted way he is glad he is the second choice (if he can be so bold as to claim that much). it makes it easier to be cruel (if he wanted to be). "moments," samothes echoes, a perfectly placed smile on his face. "well, there are things less worth being hurt for. tell me more about these moments," he asks, instructs, really, maybe wanting a little hurt for himself.

He was surprised by the request, enough to oblige without really thinking about it, though it was in a halting, uncertain way and his confusion showed on his face. Um, well... honestly, it's not a very exciting... romance, if it is that, He admitted; there wasn't any flirting, but Delight was there for him, and that seemed better. Like flirting, but instead of leading to sex, maybe it would lead to something stupid and unrealistic like a relationship. It occurred to him then that maybe his view of things was a little skewed.
Ah, well. It's mostly uh... well, there's usually something terrible going on with one of us. I guess we've bonded over that? He laughed. That sounds awful, doesn't it? Maybe it is. But it's not just— I mean, I care about him, too. He's easier to talk to than anyone else, and— The next sentiment was strange to express (though not untrue), and he realized right then how selfish he really was. I think I'd like to see him happy, more than anything. That's a good start, right? I don't— I'm not very good at relationships.