Moonspear Ah, decisions

@Charon @Amekaze

Dash had taken several days to mull over Floki's promotion and what it actually meant for him. While he didn't know the other male, or his abilities, he didn't doubt his leaders and their decision when it came to the promotion. However, there was doubt in his own position within the pack. When he finally realized what he really needed, he decided to go to Charon and Amekaze to talk to them.

He was in the heart of the territory this morning, up before the sun was. He had dug out a spot under a rather large fallen log and made his bed for the night there. It hadn't been all that great of a spot, but he survived the night and that's all he needed. The dark male weaved in and out of the trees, almost lazily as he picked a spot to call them. He supposed it didn't really matter where he was when it called, though. So, throwing his head back, he howled a request for his leaders then sat back on his haunches to wait and see if they would come.

It had been far too long since Charon had personally crossed paths with Dash, and he had made a mental note to seek him out sometime soon. He hadn't gotten to it yet when Dash' call rang out. The inclusion of Amekaze, however, suggested that Dash' business wasn't just having a nice 'hey, how are you' chat. Charon knew little of everyone's animosity towards Flóki's promotion and since Dash was the wild and free type he hadn't really considered he might feel envy or any other negative emotion. He'd seemed pretty laid back, and he knew Flóki.

Charon changed directions at the howl and trotted down into the woods, to where he found Dash sitting. He bumped his nose briefly to Dash's shoulder as he said: "Hey Dash, I'd been meaning to look you up for a one on one, but you beat me to it." Although technically he had called for a one on two, not the one on one Charon was referring to. "What's up?" Charon hoped it was something good — perhaps information about the valleys, since he was Scout material and maybe he'd been working on the trade.

The voice of a summons effectively distracted her from the solitary rounds that were beginning to edge towards a broody mood. She welcomed the direction, though, and readily adjusted her path to head that way. Since Charon had been mentioned too, she did have to wonder about the subject matter at hand here. With recollection of all Jace had brought before her so fresh, there was a distinct chance it would be somewhat related.

Nevertheless, she arrived not far behind Charon and nudged his flank softly as she came upon him. From there, her lifted tail waved fondly in greeting and her sights settled curiously onto Dash to allow him to begin. He had her full attention.

Charon was first to arrive, and Dash's tail wagged as his leader bumped his shoulder in greeting. He felt a little bad that he hadn't made the effort to seek Charon out more. Maybe if he had, he'd feel less like he didn't have any friends other than Thistle Cloud. It was really his own doing, and now he realized that. Uh, sort of a one on one. I wanted to talk to you and Amekaze together, if that's alright, he said.

As if speaking her name had conjured her up, Amekaze came up behind Charon. Dash nodded in greeting. Thanks for coming, he said, feeling a little awkward now that all attention was on him. Might as well get to it. Taking a deep breath, he began, So, I know I haven't really been socializing like I should, or going after my trades like I should or really... doing anything that I should the past couple of days.... he trailed off a bit, his gaze darting this way and that, refusing to meet their own. But, I was wondering if I could have sort of... a do-over? he asked.

Like the words had been bottled up his entire life, they came spilling out of his mouth all at once.  Floki's promotion has really got me thinking and I was so confused as to why I was upset over it, but I realized I was just confused as to why I was looked over, but then I realized it's because I don't fit the role. At all. he confessed. I do really appreciate being Gamma and having the opportunity to help out, but I'm not a dominant wolf and being dominant over wolves I don't feel dominant over gives me anxiety and the only way I know to settle that is by being alone, but being alone while being in a pack isn't really possible, but I don't want to leave. I really just want... I want to be demoted to a spot where I don't have to lead any one and I can focus more on being myself and getting to know the others. If he had been human, his face probably would have turned blue from lack of oxygen at this point. He took a deep breath as he finally stopped talking, looking completely awkward and worried that his leaders would take this the wrong way.

Charon nodded, having heard the urgency for both leaders' presence in Dash' call, so he knew that Amekaze was bound to arrive soon. She was always pretty punctual. Like expected, Amekaze arrived shortly after him. The touch to his flank caused an unexpected jitter to go through him, as if lightning had struck from Ame's nose towards the edges of his body; he'd been surprised by her sudden arrival, Charon told himself, because he could find no other logical explanation for the strangely pleasant feeling. In this mixture of feelings and thoughts Charon completely forgot to greet her back, looking a little as though he was listening intently to Dash (except there were no words to listen to yet) since he stared off towards him.

Soon Charon was distracted by Dash' actual words and he focussed on them instead. It surprised Charon that Dash was surprised by Flóki's promotion. Technically, Flóki hadn't been promoted over anyone's head in Charon's mind, just like he himself: he'd just been promoted to Beta from his puppy rank, which Charon saw, despite being below all adults, as a whole other thing as it was age-related mostly. Coming of age, this was simply ther ank that Charon saw him most fit for and had divided him into. Why anyone'd be jealous was beyond Charon, because Flóki had been his right-hand man through it all.

The talk took a surprising direction however. Dash didn't exclaim any jealousy or desire to be Beta himself. Instead, he said that he wanted to be lower in rank because even Gamma felt too high for him. The surprise was clear on Charon's face. It made sense to him for Dash to be high because he had contributed to the pack well enough, and he'd been here from the start of things. "Lower?" he said in surprise. He glanced at Ame to see what she thought before turning back to Dash. "Being high in rank doesn't mean you can't be yourself and meet others, does it? It just means you deserve to be where you are 'cause you've been contributing to the pack." Perhaps if he'd give it some thought, Charon would have decided to let Dash have it his way, but as things were he was stubborn and went into argue-mode instead. Maybe Ame would help him get his priorities right and see that arguing was pointless, and it was better to just agree with Dash and give him what he wanted.

She listened, stone-faced as usual yet infinitely curious as he explained himself. At first, she couldn't quite tell where this would head. A do-over? Why? She didn't feel like he'd been.. wrong in any way. Amekaze understood he wasn't going to be the most social of wolves given his history but he was present in his own way. Her nose knew and that was good enough for her.

But if Floki's promotion had inspired this, she wasn't going to question it. Before the juvenile's promotion to leadership, their ranks had been so steady. No one had expressed outright desire to climb. They had a few shifts here and there but most of it was steady. They were a peaceful group to settle into their roles. She certainly hadn't anticipated Floki's promotion to be the catalyst for changes.

It was a lot to sort through, and left her not quite sure what to say or think. Charon brought a good question forward, and she nodded to second it. She was interested in the answer, but had a bit of her own input before her mind was made up entirely. "Mhm, he is right. We rank you as we do because you have been loyal and steadfast for us from the start. I would hope that your ranking would not take your personal freedoms away, though, so if it does not suit you, you are bound to not rise to its fullest potential.." she reasoned with half a glance to Charon. Dash would understand with the ranking would go privileges he had (although he'd always seemed fairly modest in temperament so maybe it would not bother him any), and maybe he would intend to provide less in return in light of it. But, they had others that would fill the void.

It seemed both Charon and Amekaze both had reservations about Dash's request. Dash was suddenly rethinking it himself. He didn't want to upset his leaders or come off as ungrateful. But, he knew what he needed. I will continue to be loyal and steadfast, I promise, he assured them.

He took a moment to try and think of how to explain to them how he felt. Most wolves, I think, would naturally adapt and become more of leader as they're promoted... I may take a little more time. I don't... feel like a leader, of any kind, over anyone. I don't feel confident in showing someone what their place is here when I don't feel I've quite made my own yet. He hoped that made sense.

He took a deep breath. Simply, I'm asking to be placed at a lower rank, not because my work will change, but just because I feel more comfortable there... For now. He wanted to watch their faces, to gauge their reactions, but he knew it would be rude and insubordinate to make eye contact, so he didn't.

It was a good feeling that Ame jumped in to defend his point of view, agreeing with him on all fronts. Charon felt frustrated that Dash didn't want to accept the place that he, in Charon's eyes, belonged to in the pack, almost like he didn't want to pick up the work that came with the territory. All in all Charon understood very little of Dash' reasonings and he would've preferred to give him a kick in the teeth rather than the demotion that he so seemed to crave, especially after he submissively looked away from their faces. It was perhaps for the better that Dash did not see Charon's clenched jaw, narrowed eyes and held back frustration, for he managed to bite it back instead of lashing out at his friend.

Charon glanced at Ame, silently signaling for her to do the talking, because he did not know how to say 'sure, we'll demote you if that's what you want' without sounding sarcastic; and he was curious how she, the more experienced Alpha, would handle this situation. Maybe he could even learn something.

She wondered if maybe she was missing a point somewhere, and tried to puzzle it all together as she listened. He elaborated and she wore a straight, contemplative face, despite a niggling uncertainty that wondered when and where he had felt he needed to.. necessarily lead anyone with his title. True, he was above others, meant to serve a good example and so on. But, his clarification told her this wasn't the only matter here.

'...I don't feel I've quite made my own yet.' Her ears fanned and she bit back a sigh, for while the point was valid, she was still feeling conflicted. He did offer a certain sort of hope, for it all tidied up with a (possibly ominous?) 'for now'. Which was good..in a way, but she wondered if he knew that maybe, he may have to impress her twice as hard to climb again whenever he was ready. Charon probably wouldn't disagree with that.

Ame felt herself squinting as some understanding crept on her, slowly. She intended to accept this since there was little point in forcing a rank upon the unwilling, since she might as well put it to better use and all, but she'd still pry just a bit. "You will find yourself lower, then. But, know.. I do not quite fully understand," she paused with a glance to Charon, feeling her jaw tighten before she spoke. "Is it being above any that bothers you..? Or just so many?" she asked. Because he'd never stricken her as a bottom of the pecking order type. A robust male and all, but perhaps his social skills had gotten to him that badly.

Much to Dash's dismay, Charon didn't say anything, instead simply glancing at Amekaze. He frowned. He had hoped Charon would support him, even hoped Amekaze would. She seemed more open to what he was saying, but Dash got the impression Charon may have just been confused by it. He was disheartened by his leader's silent response, his mind in turmoil as he struggled with needing to do what was best for himself, but no wanting his Alphas to be disappointed in him.

Amekaze spoke up, granting his request for a demotion, though not without question. She admitted she didn't understand, and asked if it was being above so many, or any at all. Dash thought a moment before answering, needing to make sure he gave the right answer to reflect his feelings. I think it's so many... I went from being a lone wolf for several years, to being the founding member of a pack. I find contributing to the pack easy... But the social aspect is still very difficult for me. It's so... different. I've never been in a position that others looked up to, and I'm just not... confident that I can lead them in a way that would be becoming of the pack. Not just yet, anyways, he said. He frowned then. I am sorry if I've disappointed you, he confessed honestly. It wasn't his intent. He just needed a little more work with socializing before he took on more responsibility other than making sure the pack was fed and protected.

Ame seemed as dismayed as he was, Charon realised as he looked at her, and the young Alpha looked back at Dash, still feeling the sting of disappointment, to see his reaction. It was hard to read Dash, though, and Charon gathered little information from him. He did try to explain, but Charon wasn't really convinced. Perhaps it was because in Charon's eyes, any admission of weakness made you, well, weak, and obviously Dash was admitting a whole lot of weakness.

To top off the weakness cherry pie, Dash then apologised for something that needed no apologising -- the only strong thing about this whole weaknessfest, namely the fact that he'd come forward with this shit in the first place. "Whatever, it's cool," Charon said nonchalantly, deciding that the best thing he could do for Dash both as a subordinate and a friend was to play it cool and not show his disappointment. He smiled airily as he said, "Like Ame said, we'll grant your request." The irritation was gone now, shoved under the carpet, though perhaps at a later time when he and Ame were alone, Charon might bring it up again to rant out how he really felt about this.

He answered, which she appreciated, and decided just to accept it. "I see.." she murmured thoughtfully. There were more questions she could ask but she wouldn't right now. She was understanding it best she was going to from her perspective, so she nodded and would consider it at a greater length later. His rank would drop, although to where exactly would probably depend on other wolves in the pack and if some of their newer recruits stayed or left, but hopefully something above the very bottom would suit him fine. If he was still going to be present here he deserved some recognition for his efforts.

Charon agreed too. She noticed his brevity and assumed it may be related. But, this was fine. She didn't know what else to say either, even with Dash's apologies in mind -- she took it for what it was worth, but mainly hoped this would be what he needed for himself. Ame just nodded as Charon spoke the summary of it and waited to see if there was anything else Dash needed, or, if this was the extent of it for now.

Charon's change in mood was almost like a slap in the face to Dash. Every cell in his body screamed that Charon did not, indeed, think this was fine, and the fact that he would be so cool about it, genuinely upset Dash. It was like Charon was giving up on him. Dash wasn't even giving up on himself, so why would his leader? Dash knew his weaknesses when it came to this pack life, knew what he needed to build himself up better, and was asking for it. Was that not good?

Amekaze seemed more understanding now, and Dash appreciated that. This entire conversation had certainly changed his views on his leadership, and he wasn't sure if it was for the better or worse. Time would tell.

With a bow of his head, Dash turned to leave, intending to take some time to himself and figure out what it was that he needed to grow as pack wolf.

Last post from me, unless either Charon or Amekaze stop him. Thanks for the thread!

Dash excused himself, and Charon watched him as he left. He stayed silent for a while, listening as his friend's footfalls disappeared from view. Once Charon was sure that Dash was out of hearing distance, he turned to Ame and couldn't help but remark: "Well, that was weird." Now that Dash was no longer in view, Charon felt more at ease talking about his frustrations with this situation, and he could not help but wonder if Amekaze had any reflections on the subject; after all, she had more experience as a leader, and she might've dealt with things like these before.

"I don't get why he wouldn't just accept the faith we put in him. It's not like he was in high position because we didn't have anyone else — it's because he belongs there." There was a judgemental tone to Charon's voice as he threw out his frustrations — although in moderate tone compared to some of his thoughts — and he looked to Ame for guidance, wondering if she felt the same.

She watched Dash leave in silence, mulling over this all as she did so. Charon's words did ground her, though. "Yeah it was," she agreed with a soft sigh. Weird was probably the best way to summarize how she was left feeling. But, maybe she just needed a minute to fully understand it all. In a few ways, she almost felt like she did. Almost.

"I agree.. he does deserve it, he just.. does not know it, it seems. Maybe stepping down will help him see it." He was one of the most contributing wolves and one of the most respectable here.. so he deserved it.  "I suppose I do not quite see where he found himself that overwhelmed by the social aspects of it. I know it is not easy to be alone then join a pack and all, but it never seemed that demanding to me," she brainstormed aloud, wondering if it was just a "to each their own" type of experience for him, it just was not working.

At least Ame agreed that it was weird, the whole display that Dash had just put up. Charon hoped that Ame was right and that being lower placed would make Dash see just how much of an asset he was to the pack, and how he deserved wherever the Alphas thought him suited. Charon didn't even stop to think that he might've helped Dash better if he had been more supportive of his decision; he just thought it was a dumb decision and, not wanting to go against his friend in front of Ame, he had therefore said nothing. Seemed the best choice.

"Yeah, I think he should just grow up," Charon said, a little on the haughty side, unaware that he was showing the ugly side of his personality. "I mean, it's not like we piled responsibility on him or anything. I know he's been a loner, but he's a wolf. He should be glad to have a pack for winter, and happy that he's just naturally suited for being in a higher rank in said pack. He's just being a big baby over nothing, if you ask me." It was a good thing that he had kept his mouth shut when Dash was still around, perhaps. Charon frowned, genuinely feeling like his friend was acting immature, and unaware of how terrible (and immature) he himself sounded.

She didn't bother to mask her frown as she thought all this through, just still feeling odd about it on the whole. Charon made some points, perhaps a little harsher than she'd considered them, but the backbone of it all remained the same as what she thought. "Mhm, I wonder where he got such an overwhelming sense of responsibility from," she squinted. The pack's hierarchy did not seem that rigorous from where she stood, although there always was the chance she was missing something. No one else gave her the impression of being overly pressured by it all. "Not really the sort of thing I was expecting Floki's promotion to inspire in a way.. but, as it were.." she drawled off to a sigh and couldn't help but roll her eyes, remembering how Dash has prefaced this all with a mention of their newest leader. It was still perplexing to her and she was suspecting no amount of pondering it was going to make it clear.

"Anyway," she huffed, stretching as she got ready to change the main subject here. "Are you busy with anything?" she asked. There were always patrols but she was feeling a bit uninterested in going at that alone. She'd see what he was doing before she went her own way, possibly.

Charon had pretty much forgotten that Dash had mentioned Flóki's promotion at all. Now that Ame brought it up, Charon was reminded of it and chimed in with a frowny "Yeah, strange, huh. I didn't think anyone would be anything but happy with the promotion. " After all, they should be happy knowing that leadership was expanded with a leader they could trust in and count on. If nothing else, Flóki was reliable and loyal, things that, in Charon's eyes, the other wolves in the pack should learn from and look up to.

A smile twitched at Charon's lips when Ame asked if he was doing anything else. "Nope, not busy," he said, and waited what Ame had in mind for them to do together.

She left her ears splayed, and began to set her lengthy considerations regarding Dash's words aside. "I planned to head back to the borders," she sighed, knowing that the offer she would extend was not the most exciting thing it could be, but plenty practical nonetheless. Borders could get covered and she could work off building frustrations by keeping busy. Sounded fine enough. Expressing her own preference of company was kind of difficult when she was usually on her own by default though. "But more solo patrol sounds awful," she swung her snout down the mountainside and began her own pivot in that way. She'd head there regardless, but she wouldn't mind if he came too. Because why not.

"Say no more," said Charon when Ame explained her ideas of patrolling. Charon bumped his nose against Ame's shoulder and took off then towards the borders, with a playful woof as he galloped off, figuring that his co-Alpha would be following suit.