Redhawk Caldera i'm searching for a song tonight.

The violent winter seemed to have finally broken for good. The weather was still cold, and snow still scattered across the land here and there. But it was nothing like the mess that had driven the pack to the cave, nor the blizzard that had trapped half of them inside of it. For as much hardship as it had caused the Caldera, Liffey had learned one valuable lesson at least: Weather was fascinating, sometimes beautiful, and always to be wary of.

Liffey trudged quietly through the higher slopes of the Caldera. It was a mild day - a quiet day. In many ways, she felt it was the type of day that so perfectly reflected her own mood. Her eyes were skyward (as they so often were) while her mind was far away (as it so often was). She would enter the adult ranks in a little over a month, and she felt so incredibly unprepared for it. The girl gave a pensive sigh as she walked. And then quite suddenly, she was falling over with a surprised woof.

Tripping on sticks was a definite hazard of staring at the sky while walking. Liffey rolled to her side and kicked it away with a grumble.

Eljay had been off on his own again more now that the cave-in was over. He was ashamed about the panic attack he had experienced during the cave-in. He had handled it, more or less, by pretending it wasn't there and locking himself off from everyone there after helping feed and care for the pups. But now he felt that surely others must have seen how he felt and they would judge him for it. Especially because it was over something so small as his mother asking Lagan to stay with the pups while he helped with the dumb work. Work that he wasn't even good at. He thought he was good at taking care of the pups. And it just felt like the pups were way too soon after Liffey and Lagan, way too soon after getting mommy back. He wished sometimes it was just he, mommy and daddy again. He knew it was selfish, but knowing that only made his feelings worse.

He was too absorbed in his own feelings to even realise that Liffey felt much the same in some ways — at least when it regarded the firebirds. It was pure coincidence that he was out lost in thoughts while she was out lost in thoughts and that somehow they seemed to bump into each other now.

"Liffey, care—" he called out, but she already tripped, and he rushed towards her. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, but when he saw the look in her eyes it was clear to see on his face that he already knew the answer.

Liffey shook her head as the stick skittered across the ground, away from her. She heard footsteps then and rolled again to glance backward. Eljay was approaching, and that simple fact made her smile in spite of her aggravation over what she had just done. She pulled her legs beneath and pushed herself up onto her haunches, tail wagging as her elder brother came near enough for her to reach out and touch her nose to his muzzle.

"Yeah, I just wasn't paying attention," Liffey replied with a light shrug, "I'll work on that. What're you up to?" Her ears pricked with interest as she studied him. It had been a long time since the days when their mother had been gone and Eljay had become so gaunt and sickly. If she'd put her mind to it, she may have recognized now how different he was since Fin's return. But, that was a memory of childhood that she left uninspected. To her childish eyes, he had seemed sad, but fine. It matched up quite well to the more adult mind Liffey had now that recognized her brother as he truly was - Sad, but essentially fine.

Eljay hoped that Liffey didn't think she needed to work harder in his eyes, when she said she would try harder not to trip. It was totally normal, and Eljay'd fallen so many times he wouldn't even know where to start if he had to count them all.

He wanted to try and make a light-hearted comment about it but before he could think of anything, Liffey already asked him how he was. He felt a little heavy-hearted but didn't really want to bother anyone else with it, so he looked torn a moment while he tried to think of what to say.

"I... Do you sometimes think it would be better to leave the Caldera? I mean, for me to leave, I mean, because Lagan's good with the pups too and, I mean, I'm pretty old, so I thought..." He trailed off, not really realising that he hadn't even answered Liffey's question at all; and yet in a way, he had.

There were many who only recognized Eljay for his shortcomings. He was emotional, he was anxious, he was paranoid. He had painfully low self-esteem and was incredibly immature for his age. Some judged, Liffey loved. And more than that, Liffey could see the sorts of things her parents could in Eljay as well, one of them being what his sister determined in that moment was incredible insightfulness/telepathy.

Liffey gaped at him with equal parts surprise and guilt. It was like he'd known exactly what was on her mind, as though he'd read right on her face that she had been considering her departure from the Caldera once she was old enough to go. In a moment, he surprised her again by explaining that it actually wasn't her he was talking about - it was a question about him.

"I don't think you need to leave," Liffey answered thoughtfully, shaking her head with a sympathetic frown, "I mean, yeah Lagan's good with the puppies but he's not as good as you. He' s still learning. Plus, mom's probably gonna have a ton more and those things are so needy, she could probably use both of you."  Those things being puppies. The caretaker gene had quite obviously skipped Liffey.

"Unless.. you want to go?" Liffey added after a moment, gazing questioningly at her elder brother. She knew the secret desires of her own heart. Was it possible Eljay - who cried when mom went just beyond the borders to hunt - wanted the same thing?

Eljay felt kind of guilty hogging all the spotlight of the conversation, but he couldn't help but feel the stress from this thing. He needed to talk to someone about it before he would burst at the seams. Liffey said that he didn't have to go, that he was better at the pups than Lagan; but Eljay wasn't so sure. He thought Lagan was such a star with the little pups, and besides, a part of Eljay felt bad that the pups were hogging up mommy-space. He wanted to give them his all, but he just couldn't, it seemed.

She asked him if he wanted to go and he looked at her as if she had just said he liked to hump dead fish. "What? No, I... I don't want to go. I just wish that... Sometimes if things would be a bit different... I love pups, I love the pups, I just... just miss mommy sometimes." He looked away guiltily, and, not being the sharpest crayon in the box, Eljay didn't even realise that part of Liffey's question might be a reflection on herself rather than on him.

Liffey was attentive as her brother responded, watching how he reacted to her question. He was anxious - not altogether alarming given how normal a state this was for him - but there was something else. He was quite emphatic in his denial, and the commentary that followed made her wonder if Eljay wasn't being entirely honest. The girl frowned, wanting to comfort him somehow. But as for missing their mother, Liffey knew exactly what he was implying. She felt it too. More than she had yet admitted to herself.

"You know, Jay," Liffey said, feeling anxiety of her own begin to tingle throughout her entire body, "Sometimes it makes me sad how often mom is so busy with everything going on. The puppies, leading the pack, you know... But it kind of makes me think that maybe I need to find things of my own to be busy with, so I don't feel so bad when she's busy. Like, maybe I need to find my own.. life." She looked at her brother, watching every inch of his face for any clue he might give as to what he thought of her confession.

"I don't think it means I have to go anywhere though," she added after a moment, realizing what he would probably think she meant. Liffey didn't want Eljay to think that she was going to run out on him, even if it was something growing in the back of her mind. She was staring at one of the most significant reasons for why she didn't want to leave the Caldera for this life of her own. Given the circumstances, it was hard to consider actually leaving at all.

When Liffey spoke Eljay attentively listened, feeling guilty about what he had said and implied, but also wanting to hear her opinion on what he had said. It seemed like Liffey was sad that mommy was so busy, too. It made Eljay think back to when mommy had given birth to Liffey, Lagan and Lucy, and how she had almost died — he'd felt angry towards the pups, too, and now there were more pups. And what if mommy would be pregnant again later, what if she were to have more pups yet?

Liffey's issues seemed different altogether, or at least her solution was. Eljay's eyes widened when she said that she needed her own life, as he immediately thought she meant leaving. And he didn't want her to leave.

She added that she didn't think it meant leaving, but what did it mean, then? "I don't think you need to change your life," he said in somewhat of a murmur, feeling like the words he said were weird and didn't really show what he meant. "Or.. that you should have to. I don't... Maybe we — maybe I should just be a better son." Maybe if he was a better son, she would have more time for him again and she would be proud of him. Pride of his parents was the only thing Eljay had ever wanted, but he never felt like he had ever really attained it.

Liffey listened closely as her brother replied. He seemed guarded still, but she found herself smiling anyway as he told her she didn't need to change her life. It was a relief to hear him agree that their lives didn't need to change from what they were now, for she read into it to hear him saying that he didn't feel the need to truly change his life. As in, he would not leave the Caldera as she feared he would. It was gratifying, even though she found herself unable to say the same.

His next statement was one of those curious things her elder brother said from time to time that Liffey could never really understand. They came from no where, and her logical brain didn't know how to accept that there was nothing concrete to tie it back to. Her parents had never been cruel. They had never told him he was a failure as a son, nor had Liffey ever seen him being a failure. She couldn't connect the dots between the things she saw in her brother's life and the way he felt about it. Liffey didn't like not being able to understand. She didn't like pieces to be missing. She wanted to solve, not to simply accept as she so often had in the past.

"Why do you think that's what you need to do?" the girl asked, her expression gentle and concerned, "Why do you think you aren't a good enough son already?"

Liffey's questions were confronting, to say the least, and Eljay was visibly uncomfortable under them as he pondered them. He considered all the options, but the only conclusion he could draw was, "Because... I — Otherwise mommy would love me more, if I was better already." As he said it, he felt like it sounded ridiculous, but at the same time he knew that it was the truth as he saw it, that it was what he felt.

He had hoped to make Liffey feel better because she had been looking a little down, but now it seemed that the conversation'd been turned round and he was the one standing in the spotlight.

Eljay's response was troubling. But what troubled her more was that she understood where he was coming from. Finley had been so distracted lately. There had been many times when she had wondered if Fin cared more about the firebirds than she did her own children. Liffey consoled herself with the knowledge that the puppies simply needed her more than she and her brothers. As of late, it wasn't as comforting as it had once been. These days it felt more like sticking a bandaid on an deep knife wound.

"Mom loves you, Jay," Liffey said in a tone she hoped would reassure him, "We all do. I do. And I don't think you need to be any better than what you are for me to love you." She felt almost shy as she moved to lick his cheek and nuzzle his chin. She knew that her love was not the one he was worried about, but she hoped it might make him feel better anyway.

But did she, really? It wasn't that Eljay thought she didn't love him at all — it was just that he thought that maybe if he would try better and be better that he would get more attention and love. He knew the pups needed a lot of love too, but Raven was there too and so was Lagan. Eljay wouldn't have felt so bad had it not been for his younger brother's devotion to the pups; he was good with them, and so selfless. Eljay didn't think Lagan ever thought like he did, didn't fear that if everyone loved the pups there may not be any love left for him. He felt terribly guilty for being so selfish.

No, he wasn't very convinced at all. What he was easily convinced of though was his sister's love for him and he smiled softly as she pulled closer to empower her sweet words with actions. "Thanks, Lif," he murmured, "I love you just like you are, too." The world felt a little bit better then, as at least he had a kindred spirit in the pack in the moments that he felt bad.

Liffey was less than convinced her words had helped him to feel any better. There had always been sadness in Eljay's large, green eyes. Sometimes it was more pronounced than others, and now was definitely one of those times. But, Liffey consoled herself that the light had gotten maybe the smallest bit brighter. Maybe she had helped a little. But in either case, she didn't really have anything else to give. She could only hope what she did have was enough.

"Thanks, Jay," she said with a smile and a wag of her tail. She paused thoughtfully, her gaze shifting across the territory before moving back to her brother. "You wanna try and hunt? I still don't get what dad was telling us the other day about finding trails to follow. Do you think you can help me?" Liffey asked, looking hopefully at him. Truth be told, she had little interest in hunting. She was only just okay at it because she didn't apply herself to it much. But, as both caretaker and hunter for the pack, she thought it might be a good opportunity to boost his confidence by giving him something to do that he was good at.

Hunting wasn't entirely his forte, but Eljay agreed with a nod anyway when Liffey asked him to teach her some things about finding trails. "Oh, of course." He considered where to start and after a moment's thought said, "Want to just see if we can find a trail?" Then he nosed Liffey's side and he was on his way. "So uh, you should try to see if you can smell anything like... a deer, or even a rabbit, or other prey. Let me know when you find something, so we can follow it." He looked at her to see if his words'd hit home, then was on his way, assuming Liffey'd join him. Hopefully she would find some sort of animal trail soon so they could follow it.

We can keep going if you want or we can fade off into their hunt. Totally up to you, my love :D

Even though she had suggested it, Liffey's heart was not in the hunt. As usual, she quickly found her attention slipping away the moment Eljay began to speak of the task at hand. But, in a move that was very unlike her, she caught herself quickly and forced herself to be attentive as they walked. She nodded at his instruction and lowered her nose towards the ground to sniff at some of the brush beneath her paws as they passed it by.

She truly was not expecting much from herself. Usually, it was Lagan who caught the scent of something and Liffey would rush to agree that she had totally caught onto it too when really she had been daydreaming and missed it entirely. Luck perhaps it was on her side today, however, for she stopped quite suddenly after only a few minutes of ranging. "Jay!" she barked, her tail wagging excitedly, "I think I found something! I think it's a... uh..... Okay I don't know, but it smells familiar and not too old?"

i'm good with a fade! :)

Though Liffey's heart didn't seem to be totally in it — and neither was Eljay's — she was the one that picked up a scent eventually, and his tail waved in pride as she showed her enthusiasm for it. "Good job," said Eljay, and he sniffed the trail to try and figure out what it was they were searching for. "Let's approach with caution so it won't flee," he warned, and then continued on quietly to follow the trail, further into the Caldera's territory, glad that they had been able to steer the subject from the heavy and sad thoughts plaguing them both.

Liffey sniffed at the scent furiously, trying hard to determine what exactly the prey was. It smelled so familiar, but it also smelled like every other small, furry prey animal she'd ever chased. Deer she knew by scent. Foxes and coyote, absolutely. She could even distinguish certain species of birds from one another. But when it came to rabbits, gophers, groundhogs, stoats and other rodent-like animals, Liffey couldn't tell the difference. And of course, it was one of the latter this time.

Eljay's praise lifted her spirits, though. With a smile, she followed his lead and headed further into the Caldera, happy to leave their discontent behind if only for a few hours.