Wapun Meadow [NaWOWriMo] you're still young, that's your fault

Doing the prompt where you wake up as the first character you meet! Sionnach will be Aengus kek

well, that was unexpected.

instead of waking up in the relative comfort of the den next to liffey, sionnach woke up a six month puppy, so fat she might have been a prized hog at a back alley 4h fair. snorting with surprise with her ears a-flopping, sionnach reeled back and looked at her skin --

first of all, it was brown. she blinked stupidly, oinking inhaling shakily. no, this was wrong -- her fur was a soft cream, not this ugly dirt brown. this had to be a dream, right?

she blundered forward, finding coordinating the massive mothership that was aengus' portly body was way more complicated than it looked. first of all, there were a thousand controls and second of all, half of them were crusted over with cheeto-puff dust, glazed donut crumbs, and copious amounts of dried monster and/or mountain dew -- whatever it was that obese, introverted gamer nerds guzzled these days.

disappointly, sionnach was not yet at the point in her life where she realized the goldmine she was being given by being swapped to a male -- regretably for the audience (and probably very good for aengus and any future porking endeavors) sionnach's ambitions were panicked rather than resourceful: with a mournful cry, the girl boy slumped to the ground and clutched the grass in despair that the gods could be so cruel as to transform her from beautiful girl to nasty ground-colored hobbit.

Encounters a supernatural creature.

Sionnach would not wail and pity herself for long. 

The first signs of upcoming trouble were flocks of birds flying and chirping madly, then came bigger and smaller animals of prey fleeing for their lives with mad looks in their eyes, then came a brief, ominous silence, which was interrupted by heavy footfalls thundering in the distance, breaking of trees and angry growls and grunts. Someone was coming. Someone big. 

But right before they came face to face with a Lauren as huge as a mountain, someone smaller broke throught the undergrowth and tripped over the despairing form of the lovely-lovely-girl-turned-into-pig. "Bloody hell," it swore to itself, as it got to his feet and turning out to be a teenage boy, who had not quite grown into his pelt yet. "What are you waiting for?" he nudged the wolf. "Get up, we have to go!!! That thing will stomp all over you, unless you move."

hobbit or not, sionnach was not ready for the fantastical thing that came next: a wolf sped out from the undergrowth as if pursued, tripping over her (his??? god this will get confusing fast) form.

breathless because he had been kneed in the gut both physically and mentally, siengus rose shakily to his ugly knobbly limbs, and looked up at elfie in surprise/horror. "what?" god, even his voice sounded fat -- siengus really hoped that this was just a wildly terrible nightmare.. maybe s/he shouldn't have eaten all that PHISH food before bed.. .

Elfie rolled his eyes. "Are you daft or something?" he exclaimed rudely. "There is a Lauren hunting in the woods," and just as he said this an angry roar and the sound of somebody swinging a heavy club around proved that he was saying the truth. "Slurped up my comrade like no big deal," still in shock about losing his nameless friend and therefore not yet quite got to the part of crying. "He will devour you whole, if you do not run. NOW!" he was speaking loudly and the urgency and haste to be on the move was perceptible. He was not going to tell this dumpling a third time.

yes, aengus was really daft. that was like a trademark, fat and stupid. so, siengus looked at elfie like he had sprouted a second head; this was all too much for herhim, given she had just lost gods gift to the world in the form of her beautiful face.

to think someone would willingly swap a ferarri for a honda civic.

or a honda crv, if we're keeping with the fat stereotypes. no wait. hyundai odyssey. so fat you could fit 5 clowns in it like a clown car.

fat or not, siengus didnt appreciate being yelled at. shehe was just about to tell elfie what was what, when a Lauren burst into the scene -- and oh god, it was even uglier than aengus.

"AH!" siengus yelped, needing no futher prompting. running on hisher fat legs, siengus tried to throw elfie aside in the hopes the Lauren would be distracted long enough for siengus to make her escape. it'd make for a brave sacrifice, and we promise we will honor you posthumously, elfie!

Elfie should have realized that fat did not always mean slow and weak. Quite the contrary, when the message finally reached the pig's head, it got to it's feet and charged forward like a tank. It brushed his shoulder, sending him flying and ran off without a second glance.

"You, jerk..." the boy muttered, springing to his feet and narrowly escaping certain death, when the Lauren swung it's heavy club right above his head and cut down the nearest trees in the process (oh, wait, they were in the meadow, right? Let's assume that they were small trees). He did not wait another second. He ran, he caught up with the fatso, was very tempted to bit it's traitor-ass, but the Lauren, who was on their heels, deterred him from doing that. 

"You will be a dead man," Elfie told, running side by side now.

there was still enough of sionnach left in the aengus tank, for her to cackle delightedly when elfie fell by her own hand, no doubt to be taken down by the horrible Lauren on their tails..

only, wait - he  was down, but not out.

well, frick. the fatmobile only went so fast - in a matter of seconds elfie had caught up to him, which in hindsight was not hard when you were racing the canine equivalent of the hindenburg.

too out of breath from running to manage much of a cutting riposte, siengus managed only a garbled 'bieteme," which was more of an insult than an invitation, really.

"With pleasure!" Elfie took it as an invitation, snapped his teeth dangerously close to the other's cheek-bone and then charged on, leaving the - what would be the appropriate vehicle metaphor here - trabant behind. True to it's namesake, it had to break down at some point. 

But he had this inconvenient thing called conscience and another thing called vanity. Here was his chance to prove the world that he could be super-hero and save this undeserving coal wagon. Out of spite and just to rub it in it's face. That's, what he told himself, when he turned around, quickly assessed the situation, saw a swampy area in the distance and came up with an idea. 

"Hey, pot-belly, this way!" he beckoned the other wolf to follow, leaving out the fact that the person he was about to save from a Lauren was also a bait.

i had to google trabant and oh my god it FITS

"AH!! NOT THE FA--" oh, did she forget she was aengus? nevermind, make sure to extra-scuff the face. make it a face a mother couldn't love, not that aengus was deserving of liffey's love regardless.

the clack and the whiz of teeth was enough to send siengus scampering away, absolutely shocked that anyone could be so malicious! rude!!! nevermind that less than two seconds ago, siengus had literally left elfie to the wolves.

the Lauren issued a mighty roar behind them, cutting down another group of poor trees -- siengus nearly peed her/himself in fear, darting after elfie as he motioned to follow towards. siengus smiled self-assuredly; elfie must have come to his senses and realized a perfect soul such as herself was clearly worth saving.

It's odd that no one has truly appreciated the amazing changes fear can do to people. A weakling can lift a car, a big, bulky man can be brought to tears and for a moment there Elfie saw, how the trabant turned into a hummer - just as ugly, but now with some might in it's heavy-ness. Elfie himself felt like an orange Harley Davidson, as he led his bait towards the swampy area. And all the while the Lauren was on their heels, roaring and yelling and swinging it's club, eager to turn any of the two pesky wolves into a scrap-yard material. 

Finally they had reached the place - Elfie darted ahead without a second glance and hoped that his bait was doing the same and that the soft surface was enough to keep the fellow afloat. They needed to get pretty far to make the Lauren slow down.

siengus was so preoccupied by staying as far ahead of the Lauren as she/he could, that she/he did not notice the shift in landscape. clever as siengus believed themself (or really, clever as sionnach was), they did not detect that they were the bait yet.

so, the ground gradually became squishier and squishier, and normal sionnach would have protested to the slop that splattered her belly, but sionnach was siengus now, and siengus was nothing but an ungainly, ugly burrito-shaped hobbit. so, panting and gradually losing steam (and not focusing on talking, which would distract from running) siengus pressed on.

Elfie continued to lead the way, casting worried glances over his shoulder frequently. The hobbit had lost it's steam, but was still pressing on and they were making progress. Lauren, on the other hand turned out to be not as stupid as the boy had initially thought. After barging in the swamp with all the gusto it had had, while chasing the canape and his doughnut friend, now it came to a halt and seemed to be contemplating something. 

A while later, it withdrew, shook his fist at the lunch-not-to-be, turned around and left to cause mayhem elsewhere. "Hey, we did it!" Elfie exclaimed happily, returning to the fattie now that the danger was over. "You - still alive?" he asked, regarding the fellow with a concerned grin.

alive was an overstatement. no sooner had elfie declared their victory, siengus had thrown himself to the ground, absolutely spent. the last bit of petrol in this trabant was all used up.

one of the things about being aengus, was that aengus was not particularly fit. it took a shameful amount of time for siengus to recover their breath, wheezing like an asthmatic that had been forced to do the iditarod. rolling onto their very rolly-polly side, siengus wheezed and stretched their little nubblin feet, sidewalled by breathless stupor.

"i'-- i.. whhhhhhhhheeeeze." siengus could barely prop their head up, and instead just sunk into the embrace of the mire.

"You should really take off some weight. A little more and you would be as heavy as that Lauren," Elfie stated matter-of-factly, being cruel, but not realizing it. There was a distant roar and a thud - the boy turned his head in the direction of the sound and listened for a while. But the noise grew more distant by a minute, they were safe and sound. 

"You are a jerk, by the way," he added. A little late, perhaps, but the trabant deserved it.

still too out of breath to muster much in the way of self-defense, siengus flinched as something banged in the woods behind them. likely the Lauren, throwing a tree or two in Lauren outrage. sionnach would pay to see him fling aengus around... that is, if the Lauren could even pick him up.

you're a jerk, by the way. the first insult, inadvertently uttered and one sionnach would even have gone 'mmhmmm' to in agreement (because who could deny, aengus was as fat as a manatee stranded at a fast food kiosk), but the second, the attack on her personal character, was met with affront.

siengus shifted onto their belly, a whole bunch of blubber shifting in the move. siengus' jackolantern orange eyes, lit with incredulity, focused on the very rude wolf that should have been Lauren dinner. "i'm too pretty to die. one of us had to be sacrificed and..." siengus judgmentally sucked in a deep breath, pointedly glancing from toe, all the way up to head: "obviously, it had to be you."

Have you seen your reflection in the mirror lately? Elfie's incredulous expression spoke volumes of, what he thought about the looks of self-proclaimed beauty-king. There were more insults in his stash to knock the guy off his high-horse, one of them being that, had it not been for Elfie, the other one would have been either trampled or devoured by the Lauren. But something told him that arguing would be pointless in this case. 

"Well, good luck with that," he told him, getting up to his feet and preparing to leave. "That Lauren might come back though. And they say that the swamp can be very tricky in these parts. Watch, where you are going," he added with a tint of malice in his voice that told he would not mind, if this slob went down in the deep like a heavy rock.

elfie was nice and mature, where sionnach was not -- or siengus, for that matter. neither puppy had won the maturity lottery, and unfortunately for elfie, (who had saved siengus' worthless skin, and who deserved much better) siengus was not a gracious guest.

instead of saying 'okay, thanks for the tip,' siengus did what every middle-school kid believed was a proper retort. siengus went "ah-duh, good luk widdat, ah-duhhh." siengus crossed their eyes, for extra effect. "dey sthey the sthwampuh can be verry tricky-aduh, in thesthe partths," the lisping continued, siengus' face contorting further.. "watchth where you're going, aduhhh.." wow, truly a spectacular retort.. but if elfie was lucky, he had already turned away, and had not been subject to such middle-schooler ridicule.

"And you can't even talk like a normal person!!!" Elfie looked over his shoulder and yelled back. It turned out that obesity was the least of that guy's problems. "Just wait 'till that Lauren comes back and eats your fat ass!" once started, he could not stop. After all - this was not sensitive Weejay - if he made the guy cry, Elfie would not have to be held responsible before his mother. Or father. 

"But - oh - wait! You are not even worth as a Lauren-food," he added for a good measure.

siengus could not help but be fat (genetics) or rude (also, genetics. or maybe a bit of congenital wonders at play here), but as elfie cast aspersions over his shoulder, siengus' fur bristled.

first of all, siengus could talk just fine. siengus was mocking elfie, a well-known, very established line of defense in the arsenal that was "children's quips". it was not siengus' fault, that elfie was not well-read.

hah, wolves.. reading.. anyway.

it really got under siengus' blubber that they were not even worth it as Lauren food. siengus glanced down their side, at their voluptuous rolls -- seriously, what Lauren would not love coming across fine bacon like this? "well, YOU'RE A JERK TOO, ADUH!" that crippling riposte was all siengus could manage before the dam under him broke, literally; the spongey peatmoss that had held siengus afloat could support the girth of the wolf-titanic no longer. with a splash, siengus was now swimming for his life -- and not very well, either.

serves siengus right, to be honest.

"HUH! I called you jerk first, you cannot reuse that, you DING-," Elfie did not have a chance to finish, because the fellow, whose true name he still did not know, but, who may as well be all the juicy epithets he had called him earlier, fell through the moss and was fighting for it's non-sinking. 

"Oh, come on," he rolled his eyes and postponed his plan to leave yet again, realizing that this - just as the last time - could mean trouble to him. He went carefully to the edge of the pool and then walked around it, testing the footing. And by a chance he glanced at the water and had to look again in wonder. A wolf-face, covered in sea-weeds and swamp stuff was staring right at him, baring it's yellowish-green teeth in an unpleasant grin.

"Fatso, watch out!" Elfie called out to the other guy, retreating and then watching, how the swamp-creature dove and swam towards Siengus with ill-purpose in mind.

Let's have another creature. Meet swamp monster!

i LOVE it

siengus was too busy spluttering up swamp-gunk to notice they had company, and if siengus had noticed and not been drowning in swamp-water, siengus might have said something like hey, he's uglier than you!

instead, siengus screamed. the reason why siengus screamed was because something cold and very chilling had wrapped its ropy hands, or tentacles or vines, around one of siengus' flailing hind limbs. one moment fatso was treading water, and the next, fatso was nowhere to be seen.

with a plop and a plunk, fatso was gone -- and the swamp gurgled pleasantly as if belching after a particularly rewarding meal.

Elfie was a tad bit confused on, what he was supposed to be doing now. He could not possibly go underwater - how was he going to breathe. On the other hand fatso had just been dragged down there and he was pretty sure that this was in no way better than being caught and chomped by a Lauren. And, what was more important, how could he still claim himself to be a hero, if he had saved the fellow from one danger in order to push him straight in the other?

That was all Fatso's fault! Was his rash conclusion. Serves him right anyway. He thought and got to his feet, ready to leave and never ever, ever let that guy burden his brains again. Though, knowing his personality, Elfie was pretty sure that sooner or later the swamp monsters would grow annoyed by him and regurgitate him right up. So - in conclusion - no harm done and no true danger either. 

With this comforting thought in mind he left the swamp and... woke up as a teeny tiny puppy he was in the dark den, which he shared with his mom. All the dream-adventuring had made him hungry and he did his best to let people know that he should be fed.