It had been a few weeks now and Sylvia and Hymnal were able to, occasionally, be left so that she could escape the den. She'd left them in the care of @Eljay for a moment, though she somewhat regretted the decision the moment she got outside of the den. She closed her eyes and took a shaky breath, then began to walk. It had been too long since she'd spoken with anyone. She just wasn't sure she was ready yet.
She'd avoided them all because she couldn't face the condolences that she assumed they'd pile on. Selfishly, she couldn't deal with their sad either. It wasn't any easier to forget when she was alone - she never forgot, not unless she was sleeping. But it was easier to wallow in it because when she was alone, she didn't have to pretend that she was okay.
Not that she'd really be fooling anyone; despite her intentions, she still looked horrible. Losing Wraen had torn something inside Maia that was going to take a long time to heal. Her sister had been her soul mate; to her, it still felt like she'd never be okay again.
The only thing that managed to force her outside was the rank of Raven she still wore. For the first few weeks she'd aggressively ignored it. It didn't matter, they could have it back. Nothing mattered. But now she felt guilt creeping in again with how long she'd spent isolated from everyone else. How were they doing? Ibis... she'd been there? Maia only half remembered it. Was she upset with her that she hadn't handled things better? Did they all hate her for disappearing for so many days?
She hadn't even asked Eljay where they'd buried her. Maybe...
She slammed the door shut on that line of thinking when she felt the telltale heat of tears. This is your first time seeing everyone and they are just gonna be even more annoyed if you make it about you. Stop being such a... just, ugh. Stop..
She'd just take a quick circle around. If she didn't happen to run into anyone, at least she could claim she tried.
She'd avoided them all because she couldn't face the condolences that she assumed they'd pile on. Selfishly, she couldn't deal with their sad either. It wasn't any easier to forget when she was alone - she never forgot, not unless she was sleeping. But it was easier to wallow in it because when she was alone, she didn't have to pretend that she was okay.
Not that she'd really be fooling anyone; despite her intentions, she still looked horrible. Losing Wraen had torn something inside Maia that was going to take a long time to heal. Her sister had been her soul mate; to her, it still felt like she'd never be okay again.
The only thing that managed to force her outside was the rank of Raven she still wore. For the first few weeks she'd aggressively ignored it. It didn't matter, they could have it back. Nothing mattered. But now she felt guilt creeping in again with how long she'd spent isolated from everyone else. How were they doing? Ibis... she'd been there? Maia only half remembered it. Was she upset with her that she hadn't handled things better? Did they all hate her for disappearing for so many days?
She hadn't even asked Eljay where they'd buried her. Maybe...
She slammed the door shut on that line of thinking when she felt the telltale heat of tears. This is your first time seeing everyone and they are just gonna be even more annoyed if you make it about you. Stop being such a... just, ugh. Stop..
She'd just take a quick circle around. If she didn't happen to run into anyone, at least she could claim she tried.
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