Redsand Canyon Whatever makes you happy

Kallik had promised to bring @Aquene to the southern part of the canyon so she could look for plants. So when she had asked, he couldn't really tell her no, even if it did make him nervous. She had seemed so excited before, and he couldn't help but want to see her excited again. 

It was a full day of travel so when they finally arrived, night had fallen over the canyon. They had rested (and maybe not rested) for the night with the plan to go searching the gnarled forest in the morning. 

The scutarius woke early, as he always did, and nibble on her velvet ear. They had a long day ahead of them and should get started soon. Time to wake up, he whispered into her ear. Then he waited for her to stir.

After checking on Towhee and recleaning her wound, dressing it, Aquene knew she would need to venture further away from the canyon in order to properly restock her stores. With it had come the request of her husband to escort her. She held hope that the days journey south, despite the dangers that Kallik had clearly faced, could yield a bounty for the healer and limit other expenditures away from the canyon where Dimitri no doubt still lurked.
 
She had tried to reserve herself to the bounds of Mereo as much as possible, but with Malila gone, that was simply not possible nor realistic. Ruenna was pregnant and thus the only other with significant plant identification knowledge was down for the count. She would never ask the Matrona to take such a risk as leaving the territory while expecting. She didn’t even like doing it when the woman wasn’t expecting due to the nature of her injury and pain. She had been sleeping at her husband’s side after a long night of simply going at it like the crazy kids they were when he was nibbling and whispering in her ear. She let out a groan, simply not having it this time.
 
“Just a little longer.” She pleaded with the tiredness seeping into her voice. Just five more minutes wouldn’t hurt, right?

Kallik chuckled at her sleepy words. I would also like five more minutes, but we have a lot of work to do, he told her as he nuzzled her cheek. He was maybe a little less indulgent out here than he would have been back home in their den. He was just a little on edge, and rightfully so; the last time he had been out here, he had fought a cougar. 

The forest is waiting, he reminded her, hoping it would wake her further. 

The scutarius stretched beside her but was reluctant to leave her side until she got up herself. They probably should have slept more the night before, but he had trouble feeling too bad about it.

She groaned at his words, as they were the opposite of those she had wished to hear, her eyes lazily dragging open before the weight of her lids forced them back closed, her nose twitching lightly. Perhaps she should have insisted that they sleep more, though she had arguably less control than he did in those moments, the side effect from the muted heat that led her acting insatiable as she was.
 
At the mention of the forest, she sighed, once again letting her eyes drag open and going as far as to stretch her limbs out, arching her back to get a nice stretch in before she looked over at him. “Fine, if we have to.” There was still a hint of playfulness to her tone. “We might have to actually sleep tonight though, if we’re waking up this early.” She understood the weariness he got from these lands given the injuries he had sustained in them, but she still found herself lacking fear. They had taken out the cougar. In her mind, the land was at the very least safer.
 
She nipped lightly at his shoulder, a simple greeting not meant to evoke any kind of reaction that might detour them as she rose and shook out her pelt. They did have to, unfortunately, accomplish things on their journey.

Kallik raised an eyebrow at her. We should, but it is never that easy. He chuckled again. Clearly they had learned how difficult it was to ignore their need for each other. 

Aquene nipped at his shoulder as he stood up from the ground. He nibbled and kissed her cheek in return and then walked over to the stream to drink. The water was still frigid, so he walked in and lay down. The cold seeped into his skin and chased away the rest of his sleepiness. 

When he was thoroughly refreshed, the soldier stood and trotted to the shore. He shook the water from his coat, careful not to splash any on Aquene.

He turned to her then. Ready? he asked. As soon as she was, he would lead them to the forest.

Of course it was never that easy. A part of her recognized that deep down. Still, surely they could manage some self-restraint for one night, right? “Maybe then just not as late.” She teased again lightly. Scratch the itch and then let the exhaustion that only built the more they threw their nights at each other take over and take them both to sleep. He returned her affection with a kiss to the cheek, following slightly behind him as she still gained her bearings.
 
Yes, she would have rather stayed sleeping. She took a drink though she was not crazy enough to get into the water, raising a brow as her husband did so. She took a step back when he got out so he could shake the water from his coat. “You’re crazy, you know that right? Cold water soaking your fur?” She worried about hypothermia, but then again she worried about everything that could go medically wrong.
 
Still, he appeared fine, and was asking if she was ready so she nodded and nipped once more at his shoulder. “After you, my liege.” There was a hint of a tease to her tone.

He grinned at her from over his shoulder, a rare sight as he never even smiled when around anyone else. Deal, he said. Though restraint was clearly not something either of them were very good at.

Kallik shrugged at her comment. I like the cold; it wakes me up. His mind wandered to thoughts of what she might look like with her fur wet and slicked down at her sides—but he needed to focus; they were not at home and he was here to keep her safe. 

He offered another kiss to Aquene's cheek at her playful words. Then he started to head in the direction of the forest. It wouldn't take them too long to get there. He was sure to keep her pace so he could walk at her side. The farther they went away from the stream, the more tense he got. 

Towhee is okay? he asked, trying to sound as though he was just asking about her work when really he felt kind of bad for messing up her leg so badly. Their den was really the worst place she could have ambushed them; any time Aquene's safety was in question, he didn't fuck around.

They could at least both promise to try and show restraint. Perhaps the Imperator could give them a lesson in something after all. He seemed to show nothing but restraint and she hadn’t a single idea how. Either way, it was not a thought she wished to dwell on.
 
He shrugged and she wrinkled her nose again. “Perhaps it’s just the medic in me. I worry about hypothermia.” Sitting in cold water for long enough could induce it, even if he had not sat in it nearly long enough for it to have lingering effect. He offered another kiss to her cheek and she smiled warmly at him.
 
She noticed the tension and offered light nudges and touches to try and soothe his worries. He always got so serious, and she knew it was because last time he had been in these parts he had fought a cougar… but the cougar was dead and hopefully there would be no more trouble. The question brought a frown but a nod. “Yes, and she’s in good spirits still.” She explained.
 
Perhaps the medical background would put him at ease. “I redressed her injury before we left. I didn’t clean it out as thoroughly as I might have in the tablinum, and it started to show signs of infection. It was quickly dealt with.” She explained again. “She’s still impressed by your reflexes. You went from on me to on her so fast.” She commented idly with a smirk on her features.

Kallik thought she worried too much, but then the same could be said of him. I will be okay, he assured her. My fa— his words quickly cut off. He had been about to say something about his father, which caused a searing pain in his heart. He swallowed, his face blank. My family is from the north, he continued. Being cold is not something you need to worry about with me. Of course, she knew more about the ways of the body than he did, but he had never been really bothered by any amount of cold. 

A smirk softened his expression when she mentioned that Towhee was impressed with his reflexes. I do not play games with your safety, he told her. But she is lucky to have you to make sure her wound heals properly. Aquene was very good at her job, and Kallik was proud that she was his. 

The forest came into view then, and when they got to the outskirts, Kallik stopped. This is it, the scutarius told her. We will have to move through it slowly I think. Both of them had thick fur, but a thorn to the legs or face would not feel good.

Her eyes softened, a hint of the playfulness fading away as he slipped across his father’s title and then swallowed. She knew it was hard for him… they were both trying to be the wolves their families never wanted them to be. It was a hard thing to grasp at. “I am from the north as well… it does not mean I like the cold.” The tease was back in that moment. “Of course, I spent much of my time cooped up with my plants, so that might be why. I never had to face the biting wind.” It still shook her to the core.
 
She smiled softly, adoration finding her features at his words. “My knight.” She loved that about him. She loved the fierce protectiveness even if it sometimes clashed with her own independence. “Most of Mereo is… I worried at first, about belonging. I worried how a medic with no training in the ways of combat might mesh with a military outpost… but I think I found my footing now that I have proper stores and wolves actually come to me for aid.” At first it had felt like there was nothing to do, rather anticlimactic compared to the homeland that resulted in regular injuries coming through their paths.
 
She could see the overgrowth of thorns and where others saw pricks, she saw potential. It was good that the plants had grown wild, and gave her hope for the perseverance of more pervasive species. “I agree… those thorns could easily tear a pelt up and I happen to like your pelt just the way it is.” She did her best to keep things lighthearted, daring to take the first step as she started to intricately weave through the land.

That's right, she was also born in snow and ice. You would prefer it be warm? he asked her, displeasure clear on his face. He was only looking forward to spring because it would make things easier for Aquene. He would be happy to live high up in the mountain where it snowed all the time. The scutarius was grateful she had shifted the conversation away from his family. He did not want to talk about them ever.

She called him her knight and his expression became something tender. Always, he promised. She went on to tell him about her worries when first joining Mereo. I was no help in the regard, not at first, he admitted. I was an ass to the civilians at first. He felt guilty about it because he was just being closed-minded. He didn't like change, and sometimes that made him act like an idiot. Mereo could not survive without you, he added, planting another kiss to her cheek. It was the truth; she made it possible for them to risk injury protecting the canyon. They knew their wounds would be expertly tended. 

The forest had the soldier more on edge than he had been, but he tried to respond appropriately to her teasing. All he managed was a nip to her thigh as she moved in front of him. He was obviously more concerned with his wife's skin than his own. 

But Kallik followed closely behind her, his gaze moving back and forth, his ears and nose acutely tuned in to their surroundings. He would be ready for anything.

Aquene hummed and nodded. “I do.” She confirmed. She preferred the warmth of his body against hers as she tried to sleep, the warm breeze through her fur on a spring day. “At least, I prefer warmer. The summers can be sweltering with how thick my pelt is… but a nice fall or spring breeze is quite delightful.” She clarified. She’d prefer the winter colds over the heat of summer, but they paled in comparison to the in-between seasons in her mind. Neither of them much liked to talk about their family.
 
She loved being able to pull that tender and caring side from him. She’d seen how hard and cold he could be as a soldier, jaded from the shitty cards he’d been dealt. She went to a similar place while she was healing, focused on the goal of keeping a patient alive over anything else. “You weren’t that bad in retrospect.” She offered, lightly nuzzling his neck in a comforting manner. “I like seeing this side of you though.” She wished more people got to see it, and yet she coveted and hoarded the tenderness he provided her. “Mereo could not survive without all of us. I would not survive on my own without the protection you and the other soldiers provide, not with how my situation currently stands.” He was important too. Even now, being outside of their lands of sorts, she felt safer knowing he was there to protect her from any demons that might come searching. It was a painful reminder that her ex was out there, but one that was duly worth noting for both of their sakes.
 
She jumped slightly at the nip, a smirk and a snort falling as a reaction before she weaved between the thorns, gracefully avoiding any snags to her fur. She’d seen familiar environments and was used to traversing them through much practice and patience. It was only when she stumbled upon her first blessing that she took a pause, carefully plucking some of the plant from the ground. “This is aconite… it helps treat chills in the body.” She explained as she showed off the purple flower budding along the stem. “It’s toxic in larger amounts, but just the right dosage and it’ll help.”

Kallik made a mental note to take Aquene out to sit under the stars once the weather was more to her liking. His heart thumped strangely in his chest at the thought.

He nuzzled Aquene in return. She was being too forgiving and nicer than he deserved. It is a side meant only for you, he assured her. He didn't trust anyone else the way he trusted her, and so they would see only his cold, soldier side. Maybe with time it would change, but he didn't think so.

She pointed out that they all were important to Mereo. She always had the kinder perspective. But as she continued, he was reminded of her ex who was still at large. His jaw tightened and anger flared in his eyes. I will kill him; then you will never have to worry about him again. He would keep her safe—he had to.

She moved far more gracefully through the thorns and branches than he did. He surely left plenty of tufts of misty grey fur stuck in the underbrush behind them as they made their way through the strange forest. Aquene stopped and Kallik studied her closely. She found something called aconite; it could help with chills and was toxic in large amounts. But what constituted a large amount? Please be careful, he told her, a worried frown creasing his brow. What are chills? He would ask next. He wasn't familiar with that sickness.

She thought he was too hard on himself at times. Her expression softened further on her features at his words, coated in honey as they always were. The words carefully stayed her tongue, threatening to slip but in a moment like this, she did not wish to spook him as she had when she had asked him previously about if he could grow to love her. She worried admitting such feelings would be to rash, and that he would slip away from her slowly should they be said too soon. So instead she would wait, holding onto them in her heart.
 
She saw his jaw tighten, the anger flare and she leaned against his side lightly as he spoke. “I know I am safe with you.” She assured him softly as she nuzzled lightly at his neck. “I fear it might not be as simple… but we can talk about such topics later, not now.” Despite wanting the ample caution to be evident, she did not wish to speak with him about such a grueling fate as what would happen the next time Dimitri crossed their path. She preferred to speak about the man as little as possible.
 
He was much like a child’s tale, meant to spook her into behaving… that is how she preferred to think of him even if it romanticized the fact that he posed a very real threat. He told her to be careful and she snorted softly. “Toxic when ingested.”  She clarified softly through the muffling of the flower. “As long as I do not swallow it, I will be fine.” It was only small amounts, and not for women such as Ruenna who were pregnant. “Chills are like a deep cold that settles into your body. It happens when infection is severe, or when one is hypothermic. A cold where no amount of warmth around you will warm you up.” She explained as she carefully collected a few more. It would be useful. “I have only seen a few cases, in my homeland. Soldiers returning from the war front with improper care of wounds… it helped ease their pain.”

It eased a tension deep inside the soldier when Aquene said she felt safe with him. When her ex had attacked, he had been here, too far to help; he didn't think he could forgive himself for that. That she still felt safe despite that made that intense feeling swell in his chest again. 

But she didn't want to talk about it, at least not today, and so he wouldn't say anything else about Dimitri. He wasn't very fond of the subject anyway. I am glad you feel safe with me, he told the healer, kissing her cheek like he liked to do. 

Kallik frowned at his wife. Still, be careful, he told her again. He was being dramatic, he knew, but he couldn't help it. 

The scutarius listened closely to her explanation of chills. He didn't think he had ever experienced that feeling. Like how Glaukos felt after our fight with the cougar? Infection had settled into both their wounds, but his seemed to be a little worse. The skin was healed where Kallik's wounds had been but the hair had not grown back yet, leaving scars where the claws had dragged across his skin. He wondered if he would be scarred there forever. Did you have this plant then? he asked curiously. He liked learning about her work.

She never wanted him to doubt the fact that she felt safe with him. The things that had happened when he was not around had not been his fault and he was not to blame for not being present for them. She did not want him to keep beating himself up for it… eventually they would have to have a conversation about just what had happened, both at the Trail with Dimitri and at Mereo’s borders so Kallik knew the kinds of trouble that the man brought. He knew the basics, but at some point or another the nightmares that had plagued her regularly after her initial fleeing would return… even if they were far less frequent than they had been initially. “I feel safe because you are safe. You would never hurt me and I know you will always fight for me.” She needed him to realize that this wasn’t something that was going to fade with time. This was a deep rooted security that had sank into her bones some time ago.
 
He was being dramatic, and for a moment she considered teasing him because was that not supposed to be her job? “Believe me, I am nothing but careful.” She reminded him. Plants were her domain and she handled everything from lavender to aconite with care. Her husband posed a question and she nodded. “Yes, similar. His was a less severe case, thankfully.” She mused aloud. She recalled the fever that had burned him up inside and then she shook her head. “No, I did not.” She stated, a hint of a somber tone inflicting her voice. “My job is to heal, to ease pain… I do that to the best of my ability. With Glaukos, I used something else and prayed it would work. A great deal of my job is simply offering a comforting front while praying that something works because I don’t have the right materials.” It was why the spring collection was so important for her. “It was worsened by the fact that I didn’t create my stores until winter had already settled in. I was not sure if I’d be able to help his infection fully, but thankfully it all worked out.” Her medicines were not always foolproof and she could recognize that. She normally would not admit it, but with her husband, she needed complete honesty, with both him and with herself.

He wondered if she realized what those words did to him? How they settled in his chest and radiated warmth he could feel in his soul. The adoration-like feeling was so strong that he couldn't even say anything. Since he allowed his face to match his feelings when it was just them, he was sure his expression was some mixture of his adoration and relief.

She pointed out how careful she was with her plants, and Kallik decided he trusted her to do as she promised.

Aquene gave him a peek inside her mind when she was healing. It sounded like a lot of trial and error, which he thought sounded very stressful. He didn't think he could handle that as well as she seemed to. He felt bad that her stores were not filled with everything she needed, but it was not something he could fix for her. Your mother taught you all this? he asked. How old were you when you started learning? She was so dedicated and skilled, as though she had been doing this all her life.

If she had any doubt about the care he carried for her, she would have never agreed to marriage, regardless of how badly she thought she needed him. He spread a warmth through her body. He was quickly becoming home. What was once a place had become a wolf and she didn’t know how to come to terms with that. She’d tried simply writing it off as the butterflies of courting, but now they were married and the feelings only intensified.
 
The question brought a bittersweet smile to her features, fond memories that were laced with so much tension and pain at the same time. They were simple enough questions, innocent enough, and yet they unlocked an entirely different world. “Yes, she did… she was very good at what she did. She was the best even.” She mused, losing her thoughts in the moment of reminisce. “Sometimes, it feels like I started learning before I was even born… once I could process what was in front of me, my mother started to teach me about it. It was my duty as a woman, to know how to hunt and heal. We weren’t allowed to fight… we were told it was not the way of a woman, so we learned other trades.” She didn’t have an exact age; she only knew that she had been very young. “She was caring, and kind, the only real good thing about the Rayvne name... and everything I want to be… but she was also a hard teacher. She’d wake me up in the middle of the night to stare down and identify stems without leaves until I couldn’t possibly identify a plant wrong. I saw some of the worst wounds from the warfront before I was old enough by Mereo standards to start training and would treat them.” It had been her mother’s way to prepare her.
 
A smile found her features, turning her gaze back to him for a moment, having set the aconite down on the hide she used to carry mass bundles of herbs back and forth to the tablinum for sorting. Despite everything her father had done to push women down, her mother had taught her it was possible to still be strong. “She passed… giving birth to my younger siblings.” She admitted quietly. “It’s my biggest failure as a healer… I couldn’t stop the bleeding.” It was a contributing factor to why she herself wasn’t ready for children.

He hadn't meant to bring up something painful for her. He almost wished he had said nothing about her mother, but the question allowed him to know her more. She had learned everything from her mother. His heart squeezed painfully when she told him of her death and how she blamed herself for not being able to save her. 

Aquene, he murmured, her pain was too much for him to bear. Kallik leaned over and nuzzled her cheek. She had known her mother before she died. They had a relationship and Aquene had memories. That had to make her death harder. Kallik had never known his own mother. She had died when he was a baby still and now he couldn't even remember what she looked like. Her death is not your fault, he told her. He knew well how that kind of guilt could eat you up inside.

The pain radiated out, a pain that she had ignored and pushed down for as long as she could have. He nuzzled her cheek softly and she leaned lightly into the touch. He said words that she would have told anyone else who had been in her situation, and yet she had a hard time believing them. “I couldn’t stop the bleeding.” She repeated again, as if it meant she was to take all of the blame. “We kept telling her to stop pushing so hard throughout her pregnancy. She was always on her feet. She didn’t know how to slow down and take care of herself.” The other healers had told her it had likely been a contributing factor.
 
“She was my shield… with her gone, my father arranged my marriage. He no longer had the means to produce heirs and he needed to continue his line. My brothers died fighting in the war… I was all that was left. My younger siblings were newborns.” She sighed softly, glancing down at her paws for a moment. She hadn’t meant to dump that all out on him… it was like once she started, it had all just tumbled out. She returned to lightly nuzzling at the side of his neck. “She pushed herself trying to protect me and I couldn’t stop the bleeding.”

I am sorry, Aquene, he consoled. She sounds like she was a very good mother. Though he had no real frame of reference. Valette, his aunt, had been like a mother to him, but she had been stolen from him too, and before he was even a yearling. The only thing he knew of mothers was how much it hurt when they died. 

Talk of her father never failed to make rage surge within the scutarius. He was the reason Aquene had been with that psychopath of an ex, and he was the reason she still had to fear him. 

She kept saying she couldn't stop the bleeding and he thought his heart might rip in two. Whatever she was doing, he made her pause by pulling her into an embrace. It is not your fault, he whispered, reiterating his previous words on the matter. He wanted so badly to fix all of this for her, but he didn't know how.

He apologized and consoled her and she felt guilty because he had already told her about how a motherly relationship was something he’d never really had. She was talking about something out of his depth of understanding due to his own shitty life circumstances… she tried to remind herself that this was the burden of marriage, being able to confide in one another in this way and know each other’s fears like this… but she already knew he took the weight of the world on his shoulders, like Atlas trying to keep the world revolving.
 
She knew that mentions of her father or Dimitri were such a sensitive topic… they were for her as well, just in a different and more vulnerable way. Where Kallik felt rage, she felt fear and shame and loathing surrounding the way she was raised and the wolf she used to be. Much had changed for her over the past few months and there was no looking back. She still feared them, but in a different way. She feared what they could do to those that she loved, what they might do to Kallik, especially Dimitri if he were to ever discover the closeness he had to her.
 
The words were whispered as he embraced her and she buried her face into the thick fur of his neck, simply breathing in his scent. It was likely not the time nor the place to have such a conversation, but this was where they were when the words came tumbling out. “It feels like my fault… and I worry  it will happen again… I worry Ruenna might bleed like my mother did when she has her litter and I won’t be able to stop it.” She hated that she doubted herself in that way, words muffled but intelligible through his fur.

His embrace tightened as she started to share some of her emotional burden with him. It was what they did for each other. Her willingness to bear some of his own heavy shit back when they barely even knew each other was the reason he trusted her as much as he did now. This was the least he could do. 

You are a very gifted healer, he assured her. If something does happen to the matrona during the birth of her children, I know you will do everything in your power to help; she is lucky to have you, and I am sure she knows that too. He knew he was likely very biased when it came to Aquene, but not in this. No one in Mereo could doubt her skills a healer. If something can be done, she would know how to do it. If there is anything I can do to help you prepare, I will do it. Again, he was overcome with the need to fix all of her problems for her. He wished it was that easy.

Surely he was obligated to say such things. He was her husband, after all. She knew her mother had trained her well, and that her fears while backed by examples from her life were still irrational. “What if everything in my power isn’t enough?” She had faced loss but the loss of her mother had just hit her so much harder than anything else had in that regard. She knew the Matrona trusted her implicitly and had told her as much. She did not hesitate to turn to her either for her pain or for her help in conception.
 
Wounds were easy, birth was so much harder. She could predict what wounds would infect and which ones would not, but the condition of a mother after birth was always such a fickle thing… as was the survival of the children. The entire thing was terrifying. “I don’t know if anyone can really be prepared for the complications that childbirth could bring.” It was just another reason she was relieved they would not be having a litter of their own that year.

And what if it is? He asked her. It seems impossible for you to know what will happen; you cannot beat yourself up over something that has not happened and that you do not know will happen. He couldn't watch her do that for the next—however many days a wolf was pregnant. I can help you prepare, just let me know how. 

It sounds stressful, Kallik told her. He would worry enough for the imperator; the crutarius couldn't imagine Aquene in the position. He'd probably go insane with fear and worry.