Sun Mote Copse bruises

Weejay seemed taken aback just a little bit by his question, which was no surprise to Eljay -- after all, he'd often dictated the rules to his children out of fear of losing them, and it was only now that he stopped to think about what they might want. And that maybe, part of what she wanted for him was something that she needed, too. After a hesitant start, she said that she missed the way things were. Eljay did, too, though more than that, he missed times that had never been. He missed watching Weejay and Elfie grow up by Wiffle's side, dividing the tasks together rather than living at his parents' den while he tried to deal with his grief and keep his children safe while forgetting to think about their emotional needs. He missed that he hadn't had Wiffle there to mitigate his worrying so that he might not have pushed Elfie away. He missed watching Elfie and Weejay as grown-ups by Wiffle's side and beaming with pride.

There were so many moments they missed out on because of Wiffle's untimely departure. She'd left a hole not only in his heart, but in so many would-be's and should-be's that could've been great memories but now were just... thoughts and hopes of times that he wished they had.

Weejay might not have had as many expectations of parenthood and growing up as he had. She missed even the good times that they had had -- the few great moments they'd had together when he had felt truly happy, and felt that he could make his children feel the same, too. He wasn't sure if it was that he was waiting for something to happen while life passed him by. He'd always just.. gone through life as it came to him. The only times he'd ever made decisions by himself were the worst -- Drageda -- and the best -- Firebirds -- choices he made in his life. And the problem was that you never knew which decision was going to be which.

So it seemed that she wasn't sure, but that most of everything, she wasn't sure she wanted to stay right here doing the same thing. A foreign thought to Eljay, who was an even bigger homebody than his daughter and while he sometimes felt that he didn't really fit here anymore, between tough Towhee and dominant Niamh and all the wolves who respected him as a medic but not so much as a person, he also knew that with Wraen, it wouldn't be very much different. She, too, respected him for what he could do but he wondered if she could see past the grief he had expressed following Wiffle's death and the grief that he continued to carry with him. Sometimes, it felt that she had judged him for being unable to let Elfie go. Would it really be so different under her rule?

But above all of that, there was one feeling that mattered more than anything in the world. I don't know, I — Eljay frowned and stopped for a few seconds. Sometimes I think about it. I've started to train Fennec to be a medic, and maybe she could take over so they'd be fine here. Sometimes I think about us just leaving, but... His frown deepened a bit; not necessarily in further worry, but mostly in thoughtfulness. He glanced up at Weejay, looking ashamed about what he said next -- But I just... Eljay bit his lip, — I just get so scared, just thinking about it, and all the uncertainty. He just didn't know if it'd be a good choice or not, and that was the thing that terrified him more than anything in the world.