Redhawk Caldera run away with me now

A part of Maia was tempted to brush this off with her usual gusto and insist that everything would work out.  It was a very small part, though, because she'd found it was very hard to do that in these sorts of conversations with Eljay.  It didn't feel right to make light of something that he obviously was freaked out about, enough that she was driven to calm him down and tell the truth as best as she could.  It was a weird thing to appreciate, but she really did.  It was such a small thing, but every time they spoke, his sensitivity overrode her usual self doubt and made talking so much easier.  She was always focusing more on him than she was her own mouth.

She didn't know what better answer to give him.  She couldn't just say she'd stay now, because even in a few weeks, who knew where they'd be?  She couldn't imagine changing her opinion of him in any significant way; she loved him, straight up, and she knew that with a sureness that wasn't likely to change.  But if distance was a factor, or time, or any number of things, she didn't want him to feel stuck.  And deep down, she knew she'd just gone through something traumatic.  What if, when the aftermath wore off, she did change?  

He seemed to be searching for something more, and Maia paused, though she did press the side of her muzzle to his shoulder while she considered it.  What was he trying to say?  What would they want?  Is he talking about kids?  It was really the only way that sentence could end, because conversations like 'what about if we wanted dinner' didn't tend to cause panic attacks.

Maia had to think for a minute before she answered that one.  She'd spent so long growing up absolutely convinced she did NOT want kids.  They were a lot of work, a lot of responsibility, and a lot to mess up.  Everything about them had 'you cannot handle this' stamped in bold, but over the past while, a few things had changed her mind.  Seeing him and Weejay was one... seeing Towhee and Meerkat was another.  What had started out as idle wondering, playing with Terance's kids in the Hollow, had turned into a full blown reversal to the point where she'd even confessed it to Wraen.  Even with her sister it was still a hypothetical though.  With Eljay it could be real, and she'd be lying if she said that didn't freak her out on some levels.  What if she changed her mind again?  What if he did mean dinner?

He was so upset about it though, and she could tell how hard he was trying to ask the question.  In the end, that's what did it.  I do want kids.  I mean, I'm pretty sure I do.  She didn't feel comfortable committing one hundred and ten percent to it right now, but hopefully the quiet admission would help him out some.  But that's a pretty big part of 'later', yeah?  It was probably selfish to want to push this off, and to ask him to be okay with her not wanting things completely worked out now.  She just knew that if she was going to do this whole thing with someone... mates, kids, the lot of it... she wanted to do it with someone who loved her.  It wasn't just about kids, it wasn't just about living together.  They'd love her travel, her stories, and yeah, her issues too.  She just needed to be sure that Eljay was that guy.

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