Lake Rodney what would you say if i came home now

When he'd last met up with Maia he had felt awful and pressured and like she was no better than Niamh or Towhee who would just trample all over his feelings. Now though, he knew that it came from a different place. She didn't try to pressure him now. She just apologised and she was there for him. It soothed Eljay greatly to know that she could do that. To just be there for him. For him.

All his life he had felt subservient to the Redhawk wolves. His parents were their Betas. He was a nobody, but at least he was the Redhawks' Betas' kid. All his life up until the point that Wiffle had fallen for him, and he for her. She was different from the rest of them. She'd shown him a new world; a world where he could be a father, a lover, a valuable member of a pack. Glimpses of the latter were shown as he was pulled into leadership decisions such as the move to Redhawk Caldera. Eljay had even begun to wonder if maybe, some day, he could fill those giant footsteps that Finley and Elwood had left behind in leadership.

Only to find out that him asking for pups, for to be a father with the woman he'd fallen in love with, was not fair. Only to find out that it wasn't about feelings, not so long as they were only his feelings that were hurt, but about logistics. He'd felt valued, he felt valued, but it was accompanied by a new, grimmer, darker feeling.

He felt used. Convenient to have around, so long as he didn't want anything. Disregarded, because he'd never asked for anything, so that just meant he didn't want anything.

Wraen had offered him a place in her family and children. He didn't need to ask.

Back to the present. These feelings and thoughts were lingering at the back of his mind as he hugged Maia tight and heard her say that she loved him, too.

He lifted his nose a little to nip at her ear. Too afraid to look at her, too afraid to do anything, Eljay whispered, Please take me home, Maia... I can't do this anymore. This was Redhawk Caldera. This was being a side star in the Towhee and Niamh show. This was feeling like his feelings didn't matter.

Perhaps it was the coward's way out to flee away into the arms of someone new, but he knew that with Maia, things would be different, that she cared, and, well... He'd always been a coward.