Redsand Canyon you were baptized in ice [m]

Considering his thought process didn't always land him on the correct side of things, he was willing to do as she suggested. Kallik felt a spike of panic in his chest. Maybe the imperator and matrona would have more respect for the situation if they were upfront, but what if they still wouldn't allow them to be together? But he couldn't deny that she was right when she said they would probably find out eventually on their own. And if that were to happen, they would certainly be in trouble.

Concern had a frown tensing the lines of his face where they had just been soft and relaxed. What if they still won't allow it? he asked. His heart hurt at just the thought. How would he follow those orders after last night? There was nothing that would make him give her up, and he feared being put between his feelings for Aquene and his loyalty to the imperator. She seemed more optimistic about things, but he could only see all the ways it could go wrong.

She had not considered that they might not let them be together… perhaps she was oversimplifying the issue. The question came and she let out a soft whine at just the thought before lightly nuzzling at his neck in a comforting manner. “That won’t happen.” She assured him softly, even though she truthfully did not know that it was the truth. “Think about it logically.” She encouraged softly before she started to walk him through her own logic.
 
“They allow partnerships within Mereo. Marriage is a commitment, but this could be viewed as… courting? Dating?” Whatever the word was. “And I think they’d rather see us with each other instead of seeking out wolves they can’t keep their eyes on.” They had power and control over the fact that they were both subordinates within the pack. “And the whole rule to begin with is based on not wanting the risk of an excess burden of pups… I… I can make sure that I don’t conceive. They don’t have to worry about that.” The last words were stuttered out a little more, an awkward subject to be having with a man she cared about, but a subject nonetheless.

He closed his eyes at her comforting touch; it soothed away some of his fear. That and the logic she presented him with. 

He lightly nuzzled her cheek and planted soft kisses there as she spoke. He couldn't help it; she was right there, telling him things to quiet his fears. He had to touch her. 

She made some good points, though. The imperator and matrona could keep an eye on things. And Kallik had mentioned to Germanicus once before that taking a wife might help him restrain himself better. Kallik was a lot of things, but unfaithful was not one of them. They would not be suggesting marriage to the leading pair, but this, courting or dating or whatever, was just as effective. He didn't want anyone else, anyway, and he would die before doing something to hurt Aquene. 

She mentioned being able to keep herself from conceiving, and his eyebrows lifted some in surprise. I didn't know that was possible, he told her. Truthfully, he didn't know much about the process at all—more proof he shouldn't marry or have children any time soon. He remembered the way that woman had smelled, the one he had gotten in trouble for being with. That was an impossible scent to ignore, and if it was coming from his healer— Aquene. The word was soft but filled with uncertainty. If your scent changes, he shook his head. I am not sure I will be able to stay away from you. He pressed his face into her delicate cheek. I should not be anyone's father. He had way too much to figure out about himself. He still harbored way too much anger for his own father, and he worried how that would affect his own abilities as one.

Aquene had too many family issues of her own to desire children anytime soon… for now, she was content to simply let others go through the pain she knew pregnancy brought and help them rear their children. She hummed softly, her voice occasionally trailing off as she spoke as he peppered kisses along her.
 
He mentioned he hadn’t known that was possible, and she nodded. “There are herbs that help conceive… and likewise there are herbs that can be used to help prevent… mixed with others it can even help repress a heat cycle.” With it came cramping, nausea, vomiting sometimes… but she did not mention such ill side effects to him. She had done it once out of desperation, and she would do it again if she needed to simply for security. “I… I’ve done it before.” She admitted softly, and it didn’t take an expert to know why. “To be safe… and I can do it again. I’ve kept stock of the necessary materials since the pack meeting where the Imperator and Matrona clearly stated the law.” She wanted to have options for the other women, not thinking she would find herself in that situation at all, and thankfully some of the herbs required were resistant to the cold similar to pine trees.
 
He spoke of her scent changing and she nuzzled her softly. “My scent won’t be as strong as other women… when I suppress my heat, it’s not as alluring, sometimes even undetectable… and even if we do… I can make sure we do not become parents.” Herbs truly were magical… She was not prepared for that either. “I am not ready to be a mother.” She had far too much to work through on her own before she could think about bearing children and being responsible for another’s life… a child’s life. It was different when she did not have a connection like a mother did.

He tensed at the reminder that she had once needed to keep herself safe from her ex. What Kallik wouldn't give to find that asshole and tear him to pieces; he would ensure Aquene never had to fear him again. He hated the idea of her doing something that she had once done out of fear. The auxillary wanted to refuse, but the alternative was breaking the rules and being parents when neither of them were even close to ready for that. 

Kallik pulled her close to him as she told him more of how she could keep them from having children. She could even suppress her heat; he was in awe of her abilities. She had been planning for these situations since the meeting where the rules were set. They were lucky to have such a talented healer in Mereo. And he was lucky to be able to call her his; he would do anything to keep her. No one had ever even known him—the real him, all the fragmented pieces of him. But she did, and she still wanted him. He was overwhelmed by it. Now he was terrified of losing her, and who knew what that would make him do. 

None of these things will hurt you? he asked, tightening his hold on her. He wanted them to be safe, but not at the expense of her health. He was not worthy of such a sacrifice. If needed, he would find some ravine to throw himself into until her heat was done. He was being dramatic, but he would figure something out.

Aquene did not equate it to something to be done out of fear. It had been used as a planning tactic, of course… and in many ways she had done it out of fear, but it was something that did not need to be fearful. Truthfully, she did not know if the symptoms were caused by her fear or the plants or a mix of both. She assumed it was from the herbs, but there were still things that not even she knew about the effects of emotions on the body or on medicine she took.
 
The question came, his told tightening and she hesitated for a second, considering how to word it. “It’s possible I might become ill from some side effects. They did not last long the last time… and I am not even sure they were caused by what I took. I do not consider them painful in either regard.” It was nothing compared to labor pains or a gaping wound that was bleeding would. It was a little bit of cramping, and some sickness that would be comparable to morning sickness. “I just want to be with you.” She whispered again softly, as it meant to delve away from the topic and shelve it. Truthfully, she did not know how she was supposed to stay away either.

He hated the thought of her being sick just so they wouldn't get pregnant. Couldn't he control himself for a few days? Surely he wasn't that weak. But he couldn't answer those questions, and that was the issue. He could deal with getting in trouble, but he reused to let her do the same. He sighed heavily. Alright, he finally said. But let me help you if you are feeling sick. Kallik was no healer but she could tell him what to do. And if you change your mind, I can always just go stay in Akashingo for a few days or something. It would suck, but he would do whatever was needed.

She wanted to be with him. He still didn't understand why. He nibbled on her scruff as he told her: And I want to be with you. Everything else they could figure out together.

There was a part of her afraid to see what her own heat would be like because of the nature of what she’d done to it the year before. What if she simply didn’t have the control to stay away from him? It was a real concern of hers, remembering how her mother described the season and how it had affected her similarly when she had conceived Aquene’s own siblings… she nodded at the mention of him helping her, offering a hum. She was a healer, she exposed herself to things that could make her sick every single day… was it not possible she just happened to fall ill the year before when the cause had been something else? She could hope. She frowned at the mention of Akashingo. She would rather keep him here by her side. In her mind, what if something happened to her while he was away?
 
She felt him nibble at her scruff and she shifted her head to nibble lightly at his chest and lower neck. “You have me.” She assured him softly. They did not have to figure everything out together. “At least until our duties call us out for the day.” Hints of reality peaking in, and she knew soon at the very least she would need to leave. The Matrona went to her for supplies as the season started for her, and Aquene would not want to be late. “Thank you.” She murmured softly, sincerely as she brought her gaze up to his olive eyes. It was a thank you for being him, for being there for her, for helping her through her fears… she wasn’t sure he realized just how much it had meant to her, regardless of their feelings for each other. It was something she had never had before.

You have me. 

The auxillary hadn't even known how much those words meant to him until she said them between soft nibbles at his chest and neck. He had never felt so much for another. He couldn't help but be afraid she would be ripped away from him somehow.

She mentioned their duties and he grunted. I should be halfway done with my morning patrol by now, he told her. But I prefer this. Kallik delivered a harder nip just below her ear; not hard enough to hurt, of course. He was certain they would smell of each other for the rest of the day, and he couldn't help that his possessiveness loved that. 

Her murmured thanks had him pulling back a little so that he could meet her gaze when it searched for his. You do not need to thank me, he told her. He brushed his nose along her cheek. I will always keep you safe, he promised. 

Will you come back here tonight? he asked. He tried to keep his voice even, but he wasn't sure he was successful at keeping the neediness from his tone. He knew they likely wouldn't see each other the rest of the day, and it would be easier to get through if he knew she would be here when he was finally done.

She hated the idea of leaving the safety of the den, his presence, and his embrace… she hated the idea of being separated in that moment because of the uncertainty that came with it. He was a soldier; his job was to defend Mereo and fight where the Imperator asked him to… and it was inherently dangerous. She had seen weeping widows over the bodies of their loves before, and in that moment she realized it could one day be her.
 
Still, she tried not to think of it. She tried to reframe her mind, to think in terms of spars and patrols with no action involved in them… safety. He grunted and she raised a brow amused, nipping a little harder where his jaw met his neck, though not enough to hurt. “I prefer this too.” She confessed softly, knowing when she did meet with the Matrona, she was going to have to explain the thick scents bathing her pelt. It was worth it, and she was more than happy to clarify and explain anything the woman needed to know so long as she did not take him from her.
 
He insisted that she did not need to thank him but she did not agree. She needed to thank him. She had needed it for herself. His nose brushed her cheek, the promise fluttering around in her mind as her heart raced softly against her chest. She placed a soft kiss in the spot she had nipped not too long ago, pressing another one to his cheek as the question came through. She heard it in his tone, how much he wanted her back… just as she knew how much she wanted to come back. Perhaps, if they both hadn’t experienced so much in their lives she might have joked or teased, but that was simply not her.
 
“Of course.” She promised softly, resting her head briefly against his chest as she just inhaled his scent once more. “Barring any complications, my work will not keep me up too late.” There were certainly days where exhaustion found her passing out on whatever remotely comfortable surface she could find, but unless soldiers started to rip each other limb from limb, she did not see complications arising. “I’ll sleep here any night you’ll let me… I sleep so much better in your embrace.” Once more, she needed him to know that, to know how safe he made her feel… how comfortable she was in his arms.

He liked knowing how much she enjoyed being here; it made him feel like he was doing something right. The hard nip she dealt him had him expelling a harsh breath through his nose as heat burned in his stomach. They did not have time to explore each other this morning. Keep biting me like that and neither of us will be getting to work today, he told her. His voice was quiet, but there was no doubting the promise of his words. 

She agreed to return as she nuzzled into his chest. Heat burned even hotter in his stomach. Kallik rubbed his chin over her head as she told him she would come here any night he wanted her to. But what if he wanted her in his den every night? He would gladly give up sleeping outside if it meant she would be here next to him. 

A brief smile curved his lips, gone the next second. I am glad that you slept better, he told her. I did too. He wanted her to feel safe with him, especially with everything that had happened in her past. 

I want you here every night, he admitted softly. Another brush of his nose along her cheek. I will often return late, he told her. But I will always return if I know you are here waiting for me.

He exhaled and for a brief second she thought she had hurt him somehow… but the promise in his words sent a shiver down her spine. She couldn’t help but smirk, the light tease falling from her lips in the process. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.” She was tempted to nip again but she knew they both did have to eventually do their jobs. “Surely it’s a good enough reason to take the day off?” There was hope in her voice though she knew the reality of it all, unfortunately. She’d love nothing more than to stay in his embrace and explore him more.
 
Her smirk faded into a soft smile when he mentioned he slept better as well. Her limbs stretched out lightly in front of her, listening as he brushed his nose along her cheek and explained his own situation, humming softly. They really did work their soldiers to the bone; she didn’t know how she hadn’t noticed before. “I’ll be here.” It was a promise she was bound to break at some point, losing track of time… but then again he knew exactly where to find her: the tablinum. Anywhere else and there was certainly some form of emergency or dire occurring. “I have an appointment with the Matrona… we’re working on treating her limp and her pain.” She explained softly, a hint of sadness in her tone because she knew it meant they were both going to have to rise, especially with Aquene knowing it was also about bearing children, though it was not information for her to share. It was not her story to tell…

Then don't do things that drive me crazy, he immediately responded. If chuckling was something he was capable of, he might have done it now. Maybe she would bring more happier emotions out in him the longer they were together. I wish, he told her. He would gladly spend the entire day here, repeating what they did last night and then repeating it again and again. His endless stamina could be applied here too. 

She promised she would be here, and his heart felt like it skipped a beat. He would wish for the time to go faster all day, he knew. 

Aquene had work to do, and so did he. The matrona's limp was an area of confusion for him, but he kept that to himself. It seemed they were working on it, anyway. He sighed. I think it is time to return to the outside world. He was visibly disappointed. She would be in his thoughts all day. 

Kallik carefully extricated himself from around the healer, stretching his front end and then his hind end. He shook out his coat and licked his lips a few times. Then he turned to Aquene. I am only a call away if you need me, he assured her. He would nuzzle her one last time before exiting the den just behind her to head to the borders.

She snorted softly at his remark. It was certainly tempting to play around with. She wished that just for a day neither of them could have responsibilities, that they could simply stay tucked away, only escaping to feed themselves before hiding away again… it sounded like a wonderful use of her time… and a daydream that would no doubt flutter into her mind in the lulling moments between duties.
 
She sighed at his words, a frown on her features as she nodded, nuzzling him one last time as he started to disentangle himself from her. She grinned at his words, nuzzling him back before he was moving to exit the den. “Try not to get into too much trouble.” She teased out after him. Save the trouble for when you’re with me. The second set of words never quite left her lips. She took a minute more laying there, letting that bliss wash over her one last time before regretfully pushing up onto her own paws, shaking her coat out and heading towards the tablinum where unbeknownst to her, the Matrona was already waiting.

Faded! I love them so much -sobs-