Two months had passed since he'd begun his search. Two long months, and Penn had come up with nothing. The fact of it stung for two reasons. First, because of how desperately he'd wanted to succeed. Not only for his own pride in considering himself invincible, but because it meant so much to him.
Never in a thousand years would he have ever thought he'd care about having kids. He'd never considered the consequences of his promiscuity because it had never occurred to him that any offspring he begot might actually matter to him. Nothing mattered to him. Only a handful of wolves in his life had ever mattered to him, and most were now gone. He'd thought he was alone. He'd thought that had made him invulnerable. But no, the mere knowledge that there were creatures in this world who shared his blood, that he'd created, made him weak. Was driving him crazy because he had no idea who they were, what they were like, where to find them, or if they were safe.
What the actual fuck had happened to him?
The second reason he'd wanted to succeed was far more selfish, and in some ways, he actually had succeeded in this arena. Penn had wanted to prove to himself that he was still capable, still worth something, in spite of his impairments. The fact that he was still alive at all was a huge testament to his grit, or so he saw it. He felt some pride in that, but not as much as he may once have, for he knew that he couldn't completely give himself all the credit for making it through. Most of the credit went to his inspiration, to the one wolf in his life that had shown him time and time again that disabilities were just a bunch of horse shit.
Why the actual fuck had he let her go?
Penn stood at what felt like the edge of the world, breathing in a sigh that filled every inch of his body. He knew he was out of options, but something told him he was making the wrong move. What he sought wasn't outside of the Wilds, but somewhere in it. Leaving was a mistake. But somehow, staying wasn't right either.
Making the wrong choice was not a new concept to Penn Blackthorn. He had done it over and over and over again in his life and it had filled his past with many regrets. Regrets that haunted him. Regrets that would probably never really leave him.
But.
He wasn't dead yet.
And that was enough.
He let the sigh go and walked away. Off to continue his mission. Off to make another mistake.
Never in a thousand years would he have ever thought he'd care about having kids. He'd never considered the consequences of his promiscuity because it had never occurred to him that any offspring he begot might actually matter to him. Nothing mattered to him. Only a handful of wolves in his life had ever mattered to him, and most were now gone. He'd thought he was alone. He'd thought that had made him invulnerable. But no, the mere knowledge that there were creatures in this world who shared his blood, that he'd created, made him weak. Was driving him crazy because he had no idea who they were, what they were like, where to find them, or if they were safe.
What the actual fuck had happened to him?
The second reason he'd wanted to succeed was far more selfish, and in some ways, he actually had succeeded in this arena. Penn had wanted to prove to himself that he was still capable, still worth something, in spite of his impairments. The fact that he was still alive at all was a huge testament to his grit, or so he saw it. He felt some pride in that, but not as much as he may once have, for he knew that he couldn't completely give himself all the credit for making it through. Most of the credit went to his inspiration, to the one wolf in his life that had shown him time and time again that disabilities were just a bunch of horse shit.
Why the actual fuck had he let her go?
Penn stood at what felt like the edge of the world, breathing in a sigh that filled every inch of his body. He knew he was out of options, but something told him he was making the wrong move. What he sought wasn't outside of the Wilds, but somewhere in it. Leaving was a mistake. But somehow, staying wasn't right either.
Making the wrong choice was not a new concept to Penn Blackthorn. He had done it over and over and over again in his life and it had filled his past with many regrets. Regrets that haunted him. Regrets that would probably never really leave him.
But.
He wasn't dead yet.
And that was enough.
He let the sigh go and walked away. Off to continue his mission. Off to make another mistake.
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