Mudminnow River Born Queen

@Terance 

The two of them slept soundly. Her curled up next to him, her disease ridden body small and fragile. Him resting his head atop her back, careful not to hurt her. Peaceful, ever watchful in her waking hours and guarding her in her sleep. Thick smoke had engulfed them too and the ominous sound of the raging fire was coming closer. "Please, we have to go," she had pleaded, nosing gently first one than the other. "Please," her voice barely a whisper now, breaking, as the realization that this was not going to happen, that both of them had left her, that she was on her own and that her time was running out too. "Please..."

Sarah awoke with a start, not recognizing the surroundings and feeling the need to flee. Run now and fast. This she did, until it sank in that it was not smoke that surrounded her, but fog and that it was cool and quiet winter morning. She came to halt next to a river. It was frozen in some places, at others the water below ran free. Without so much as thinking twice she jumped on the brittle cap of the ice and a moment later her paws broke through and she was standing chest deep in murky, ice cold water. While this state presented some difficulties, it helped the confused she-wolf jolt back into reality. It was winter, no fear of fire and she was still alive.

With a considerable effort she broke herself free and scrambled to the other bank of the river, where she lied down and began to groom her paws. Where fire had singed the fur off and burnt her flesh, the skin had been tender and now ice had lashed it and blood was seeping through. But she could live with the pain, as long as it helped to keep the land of nightmares at bay.

terance was just outside the territory that morning. he'd been on a border patrol (as always) when a strange urge to travel outwards fell upon his shoulders. fate and coincidence had a strange way of playing games with him, but terance would not complain today. today they'd bestowed upon him a gift he wasn't sure he'd ever encounter again. 

as he traveled towards the river, his gaze fell upon a grey wolf, delicate but hardened-- at least, that's how she struck terance, who looked on from a distance. he kept a close eye on her, feeling a strange sensation in his gut but keeping his nerves at bay-- it was probably nothing. that was, of course, until the wind changed directions, favoring him, and he was blasted in the face with a scent he'd never forget. he froze, staring at the form that he now recognized as sarah. he barked. and then he barked again, falling to a play bow and bark-bark-barking. 

"sarah!!" he exclaimed finally, most certainly having caught her attention, and then began to race towards her, tail wagging uncontrollably. the closer he came the more he saw differences in her appearance-- scars along her feet and face, for one. burns. it caused him to slow, concern riddling his features. it didn't occur to him until now that she might not even recognize him, what with all the scars that raked through his dark fur. he stopped a short distance from her, unable to stop his tail from wagging. "sarah," he said, a little breathlessly.

Despite the physical harm Sarah's mind was intact, a little shaken and recovering, making her more jumpy and careful than her usual confident calm. She heard someone call her name and, since this had happened many times in her dreams, her first thought was that she had not awoken properly. That this was some sort of sick dream within a dream sequence with very real pain and sensations included. 

But not. The person, who emerged from the fog took very real proportions and was definitely of a solid matter. She regarded him for a long time in confused silence, her brow furrowed, while her eyes traced the features of the scarred brute, which was standing before her. Until her silver eyes met his green gaze and it was then, when spark of recognition released her from the frozen state and set her in motion. "You," were the first words she uttered, a little unsure, as if she still could not believe her eyes. "You," she said it again, getting to her feet, closing the distance between them and then in sudden burst of emotions she was right next to him and burried her face against the fur of her brother's neck, tears running dow her cheeks.

he was glad he stopped, because it was moments before it seemed that she recognized him-- and it might've been a bad idea to just charge after her fully. terance didn't have enough time to wonder if the first you was accusatory, because in just a moments notice sarah had buried her grey face in his neck, a round of emotion expelled from her. it had been a long time since terance had seen his sister, but he had never seen her like this. 

he pressed his chin to her shoulder, using a paw to pull her into a wolfish hug, pulling in a shaky breath to stop himself from sobbing-- since we all know it's well within terance's personality just to cry. but he was getting better at not just crying. this might've been a good moment for tears. 

"you're here," he muttered into her fur instead, beginning to groom at the grey fur along her shoulders and the back of her neck, "i can't believe you're really fuckin' here."

"It has been a very long time, since I have seen a familiar face," Sarah replied, when she had collected herself and left a tear and snot-stained spot in Terance's coal black fur. "But I am just as glad to having found you," she told him and managed to muster up a smile, which did not reach her eyes. They reflected an immense sadness that plagued her soul. 

There was a long silence, during which she pondered, what to tell him, because there was two years worth of information to relay and very little of it was pleasant or happy. She would have to face the inevitable soon enough, but for time being she wanted to postpone it. And here came an innocent questions of: "How have you been? Do you live here?"

"i've missed seeing yours," terance returned, resisting the urge to give her an all too familiar gross at her snot and teary stain left on his neck. now wasn't the time, something was different. something was wrong. "i lead the wolves of lost creek hollow-- the territory south of here," he said, motioning behind them, from where he came. his ears flicked, a small smile pressing onto his own features. "life isn't as easy as mom and dad always made it seem," terance said, though even he knew his parents faced a round of hardships. it felt different when all the bad things happened to you. 

"but i've been well," he said, his chin dipping, "there's a lot to catch you up on." so much to catch her up on. and so much to be caught up on, surely! terance couldn't imagine that sarah had been doing nothing... and those scars, ah. terance wanted to badly to ask-- but he didn't want to come across as rude. she hadn't asked about his, after all. "can i take you back home?" he asked her instead, brows knitting together with concern, "we have food, you can rest."

Sarah had never doubted that Terance would be a leader one day. They both had the qualities from the early on and it seemed that both had achieved the same goal at different places and times. She flinched at the mention of mom and dad and looked away, as if she felt ashamed for something. Or afraid. Maybe both. 

Then he asked about taking her home and she regarded him with a flicker of hope in her eyes. She did not believe she deserved a home after all that had happened (and Terance would soon find out), but she was not willing to let him out of her sight now that she had miraculously found him. Even if this was just a dream, she was willing to extend, waking up to having nothing and being on her own was too cruel. 

"Alright, lead the way," she told him, ready to follow. "After all I have no home to return to."

something flickered in sarah's gaze as terance spoke of their parents. the worst came to mind, but since she stayed quiet he could only assume that he was jumping to conclusions. she would tell him if something had happened to them, right? he thought so... the conversation moved on.

but as terance made to head home, sarah said something too ominous for him to slip by. dread filled his emerald gaze, and he looked upon his sister, unable to hide his concern. he knew the answer-- at least, he thought he did-- and so he said it himself, so she didn't have to... clearly, it pained her to talk about. "mom and dad... passed... didn't they?" he said gently, pressing himself to her side as they began the walk back to the hollow, "is that why you came back to the wilds?" 

"You make it sound so easy," Sarah said with a sad smile. If "passing away" was just as simple as the words implied, as they told in the stories, never revealing that the reality of dying was much worse. There was no dignity in it, no beauty, no ease. 

"Mom was never really well - you recall that, don't you?" she asked him, because, perhaps, he had forgotten Osprey's bouts of sadness and withdrawal from the world. The shell was there, while the spirit roamed elsewhere. Sarah did not know that their mother had passed it on and that her brother had suffered from the same disease. 

"It never was as bad as we saw it in our childhood, but looking at her you could feel that she was walking on the edge. That "all is well" was just an illusion," she went on. "And she got very sick this summer, something was eating her up from inside, she was wasting away before our eyes and still kept up a happy face, even on days, when it was an effort for her to get up and move," she said, looking straight ahead now, her gaze far off. 

"She never complained, until I caught her one evening sobbing quietly and whimpering, while dad tried to soothe her as best as he could," Sarah paused and looked at Terance. "You would expect that at this point in the story the person passes away peacefully in their sleep, but not mom. It got worse and worse, and still she would wake up from every slumber, forced to live another day," never had she seen that life could be a curse. 

"And I wished I could end this for her. And I saw dad had the same thoughts, but the horror of, what we were about to do, was too great," and now Sarah was crying openly. "Because, what kind of daughter kills her own mother... what kind of husband kills his wife... we couldn't do it and she continued to suffer..."

hahaha time to cry

terance recalled, but only barely. he'd repressed a lot of the bad childhood memories he had-- only to take on the trauma he endured as an adult, be it poor mental health or whatever. he nodded as sarah spoke, ears ears alternating between cupped towards her and flat to his skull. 

he didn't remember stopping, but at some point they must of stopped walking. sarah stared up at him with blue blue eyes, tears welling from them uncontrollably. terance bit his tongue to stop himself. be strong, he reminded himself, over and over as sarah spoke. if she fell apart before him, he wouldn't fall with her. she couldn't possibly use that right now. but terance hurt. every word she spoke tore through his chest and clawed at his heart. his eyes were wet, his jaw locked and teeth gritted, but he held himself in one piece. for her sake. 

whether she paused or had ended the story, terance was unsure, but he leaned forward to press himself to his sister, hooking himself around her to hold her close. terance was not good at giving reassurance -- not good at counseling -- but he was a comforting presence, and if could do anything, it was be there. whether or not she had more to tell, terance was unsure, and he wasn't even sure he wanted her to go on, but he stayed silent for her -- to give her time to process and calm herself -- and continue if she needed to. she could pull away from him when she was ready.

"It kind of went down-hill from there. A lot of bad things together and even worse timing," Sarah continued her story, grateful that after months with only herself as a company she could open up to someone, who would listen and understand. Terance said nothing and, if he was anything like his sister, then he would keep his thoughts to himself. Like she did until the burden grew to heavy to bear.

"There was so much to do with taking care of the kids, organizing hunts and attempting to relocate, because the draught this summer was awful," she would tell about the three youngest siblings another time. For all Sarah knew they could be dead as well. It had been four months, maybe longer, since she had seen them last. "Then the forest fires began. We should have relocated, when we found out about it first, but mom could not go anywhere and none of us thought about leaving her behind."

"Come to think of it now - this indecision helped no one. One morning we awoke with smoke everywhere and so thick that it had blocked out the sunlight. There was no time left then - we split up. Cori and I led the rest away, dad stayed behind with mom," silence again. Of all the things they could have done differently then and how everything had turned out. 

"Eventually we came to a river and past that the air was clear and the forest seemed safe. And there I decided to turn back. I was so convinced that, if we had come this far and found a safe place, I could bring our parents here too. Cori did not agree on this, there was a horrible row and we did not part as friends, but I felt then that he was wrong, not I," she paused, the memory of this fight still haunting her, of all the accusations exchanged and her pride above everything else in being the smarter, the wiser, the older one.

"I have often thought about this afterwards and I now know that my endeavour was futile, but I wanted to give it a try. I would have had more difficult time living with myself, if I hadn't," she added, guilt in her voice. "I found them eventually," the heat had been barely tolerable, the smokeohad burned her eyes and made her airways raw. And something in all of this had been making her dizzy and sick to her stomach. "Her sleeping side to side with him, both of them peaceful and no longer breathing."

"And I wonder, what exactly had I expected to find... I had been left in charge of my family and I had not kept my word. I had failed them for a selfish, stupid thing," she said. "I should have stayed with Cori and the rest, taken them far away from the fires and instead I left them and went straight into the flames," she had got lost in the smoke, feeling sick and disoriented had been caught in the middle of a raging fire. 

"I did not find them afterwards and I have no idea, what happened or where did they go or whether they are alive and well," she finished her story. "And up until today I have been on my own."

the further along that sarah's story progressed, the more and more he found himself wanting to be angry with her. how could she? how could she leave cassie and cori... how could she not truth their father? terance himself could only think of ibis and okeanos, and how he would've taken them as far away to safety as he possibly could.

but he understood, and he couldn't be mad at her. not really. the situation was... terrible. terance wasn't sure that, in the moment, he would make the decision he thought he would. she said it herself, their parents didn't seem capable anymore. 

terance couldn't think of anything to say. he didn't want to praise her for following her gut, but he didn't know how to reassure her. 

her hesitated, nudging her shoulder softly. "i am just glad you're okay... sarah," he said as gently as he could, his own green gaze filled with pain. he tried not to let it show through otherwise, but the news of his entire family gone to flames was... painful. god. terance could hardly believe his luck. or, lack there of. he tried again. "i'm so sorry you had to make that decision..." he added quietly, ears pressed to his head.

When Pandora had opened the box and let all the evil, sickness and death out the last thing that had remained at the bottom was hope. So Sarah had survived the past four months, forcing herself to believe that her siblings - being almost two years old then - had survived and so had the others. Just the thought that they might have perished the same way her parents had, or had suffered from the fire the same way she had was too unbearable. She blamed herself for separating from them, she blamed herself for not knowing, what had happened to them. 

She was glad that Terance did not reprimand her for making the wrong choice, for betraying their family, he probably thought all those things and in time Sarah would be brave enough to hear them out loud. To face the very harsh reality that he was the last piece of her family that was left in the world. Therefore she gave him a mournful smile in response and walked the rest of the time in silence.