Bearclaw Valley who hears you crying?

....and now u are at 28.. *smirl*

there was a pall of disconsolate, quiet anger that had budded in indra. at first it had been a small tendril of frustration, a breath of resigned futility - and slowly, day by day, interaction by interaction, it snowballed and compounded until it became a blackened root that choked her sensibilities and stung her emotions. suddenly, indra did not feel at home anymore. she did not feel wanted, nor cared for - blondine and laurel were the only reason she had not contemptuously turned heel and left bearclaw well behind.

she could not avoid @Xan any further -- she wanted answers. why her? why not laurel? laurel had never threatened anybody. laurel had been there since the first day; laurel had never been insubordinate, or caused any trouble -- and perhaps the most compelling reason -- laurel was more sentient than the lichen that grew oppressively on damp stone. indra was left to devise her own conclusions, and for the time being, simply assumed xan had elected his mate alpha the way an adult might pretend to put a kid in charge; to bolster their confidence, to play along at their game.

only, it didn't feel like a game to indra anymore, and she would not play.

bYE, XAN. p.s. srry this shorter than a school girl’s skirt rIP

Alexander was, of course, oblivious to the ripple effects of his decisions; he didn’t look much farther than what was in front of him and, even then, he was often blind to feelings—even as he came across Indra, there was no exception to this. He slowed for a moment as he foresaw the crossing of their paths, giving her time to go elsewhere if she wished to do so. Either way, he’d offer her a slight nod, silently hoping to be able to just keep walking without a confrontation—because that was entirely, 100% possible and he wasn’t the least bit dumb for even considering it to be.

indra, upon catching sight of the pale monolith, had had so many things arranged in her mind to say to him. she had constructed carefully her position, had made herself overwrought revising each of the things she would say to him, how he would respond, what she would say in rejoinder.. and all of that flew out the window when she saw the placid plains of his face, uninterrupted by the hurt and bewilderment that hunted her and laurel down: his expression one of innocence, smooth as the uninterrupted surface of a glassy pool.

it was then that she felt a new feeling sear her: of injustice, fury, a sad and bitter helplessness. he was oblivious to what he had done, and she knew it.

"why?" she blurted, both ears flat to her skull. she hadn't wanted to accost him, to toss an unstemmed tirade his way -- but he had drawn it from her by his actions and she knew it. "don't you care about us? you'd -- you'd make that thing your mate? you would put someone above both of us, who challenged us, threatened us, who physically hurt laurel, who cant even talk? and we are supposed to be okay with it?"

she paused for a moment, her gaze flinty with hurt. "laurel deserved it more. she's been here longer. i'd say she deserved to be your mate too, but you don't deserve her."  it didn't make sense to indra -- he clearly had not been thinking with his head.. at least, not the appropriate one. the more indra thought about it, the more it riled her up -- if anything, if laurel hadn't been next in line for succession, indra should have been -- she had been in bearclaw since its' inception,  and had done nothing but defend her sister against the unstable female xan now called his mate. no matter which way the redleaf girl flipped and examined the situation, she could not garner logic from it: the wolf couldn't talk, was veritably stupid, had threatened and fought laurel, and on more than one occasion had refused to submit. that was leadership material? that was mate material? just thinking about it made her sick to her stomach.

 the inescapable sadness that had haunted laurel, it impacted indra too -- and nothing in the world was worse than feeling like you were not good enough for someone else. nothing except perhaps watching her sister wrestle with this cruel revelation and being powerless to help her. "i won't obey it."

Confrontation was never avoidable, this he should have learned long ago—and perhaps he had, only for it to be buried beneath his status and forgotten. Either way, he slowed to a stop as words were flung his way, ears pushing forward and eyes seeking her expression. A question became an accusation, a claim at which he stiffened; that she doubted him irritated the male, or maybe he was hurt by it and just couldn’t recognise the feeling. Whatever the case, he listened to what she had to say, no matter how bothered he was by it, until she paused.

“I do care about you guys,” he said bluntly, stating it as if it was obvious; that he allowed them to speak to him how they did showed, in his head, that they were important wolves in his life. If she couldn’t see that, then he didn’t know what else to do. “Why do you care if she’s my mate?” he asked. “That doesn’t affect you. And yeah, she’s leading beside me, but that’s because it’s how packs work. Mates lead together—it’s always like that, in every pack, even when other members aren’t okay with it.” That he was incredibly wrong did not dawn on him, nor was it likely to ever; growing up, he’d heard of how his parents had shared leading titles, and how that had not changed until they were no longer together. Then, with Blackfeather, it had been Meldresi and Burke leading together as mates—as far as he knew, it was an unspoken rule and he was simply abiding by it, rather than dishonour his home by letting someone that wasn’t his lead alongside him within it.

Surprisingly, the hurt did not go unnoticed, but he didn’t know what to do about it. He just listened, then said, “Laurel couldn’t be Alpha without being my mate, and she doesn’t want that.” So, even if he did deserve her, it wouldn’t matter—as far as he could tell, he and Laurel were friends, family even, but nothing romantic. The thought alone was a peculiar one, and he wondered to himself why it was even brought up. Didn’t Indra see that her sister had no interest in him? Was that the one thing he wasn’t blind to, but someone else was? That was a first—except it wasn’t, all things considered, but that was something he didn’t know.

Alexander’s gaze narrowed, but the glare lasted for only a second before disappearing. “You’ll listen to me, though,” he stated. “I can’t make you listen to her—or submit to her, I guess I should say—but you won’t hurt her, either.” Although, in an ideal world, each member of the pack would submit to both leaders, he wasn’t foolish enough to believe that he could enforce that; there was no way for him to remain at his wife’s side constantly in order to correct those that defied her, he just had to hope that, when he wasn’t around, the respect for his title would at least protect her from harm.

indra was dumbfounded -- that xan could be so painfully oblivious, and that he could ask her why it mattered who his mate was, and then continue on to state that his mate would be his contemporary. he couldn't even keep track himself -- if that was his logic, then of course it mattered who his mate was. she nearly blurted out a hot protest then, but settled, her ears pinned to her skull in obvious displeasure.

she wanted to leave, but she could keep quiet no longer. "what - that's not true." she countered, both towards his false assumption of laurel's interest, and his strange take on how alphaship worked. "you think laurel would have given you what she gave you if she didn't like you?" was he truly this dense? indra was beginning to be horrified by the realization perhaps he was just as clever as the wolf he had selected as his mate. "besides, laurel  could be alpha without being your mate - that's not how it works -- that's not how any of it is supposed to work." she drew a deep breath and felt her chest shudder. "an alpha is supposed to be a leader - someone who doesn't threaten their packmates, challenge for ranks, act quarrelsome, someone who can talk. and laurel was perfect for all of that and you -- you fucked her over hard." indra felt her chest tighten with anger and she set her jaw in a hard line. "i bet you didn't even punish her for challenging laurel's rank, for hurting her, for refusing to submit."

indra already felt sick -- she steadied herself with another breath and winced as the cold braced her lungs. she thought of how close laurel was to whelping, and how xan hadn't come to them once that she knew of -- yet how often had he been at his mates' side, while laurel labored in the dark? this time, she would not falter as she delivered a cutting question: "don't you think that they need a father?"

but that was all indra would offer. deciding she could be in his company no longer, indra took one last resentful look at him and quickly left.