Duskfire Glacier He's one of the good ones

Lane had longed for this moment so deeply, and worried so hard, that it almost felt too good to be true to be tucked into Tuuluuwaq's embrace. He was home, safe and sound-- all of them were. She was profoundly grateful that no harm had come to any of the scouts while they were travelling under her command, and she was very aware of just how wrong things could have gone. 

She nuzzled into @Tuuluuwaq and sighed, glad to be away from the curious eyes of their packmates. Now that they were together again, she could almost just forget her emotional turmoil of the past few weeks. She could almost just pick up where they had left off, if she could just be reassured that they would never have to endure another separation. 

But there was only one way to assure that, wasn't there? 

"I can't do that again," Lane told him, emotion cracking the last word. She swallowed heavily and continued. "I don't want to be the queen, ordering her shining white knight into battle and then waiting around for news. That's not me. I don't want that to be us." Putting the good of their people first was fine in theory, but how far was she going to have to take it? How long was she going to have to spend searching her reflection for a person she recognized?

He hated how much she had worried while he was away, but he couldn't blame her; anything could have happened, no matter how strong and capable he was. And he didn't like being separated from Lane any more than she did from him. 

He reveled in the way she felt against him. Finally, he could nuzzle into her neck and plant soft kisses along her jawline. He had planned to show her just how much he had missed her, but she needed his support first. 

He frowned at the emotion in her voice when she told him she couldn't send him away like that again. If he hadn't been so concerned about how upset she was, he might have commented on how she referred to him as a white knight. But he went immediately into comforting her. 

Lane, he rumbled. That does not have to be us, he assured her. He had no problem risking himself before there was someone he cared about, but now, it was all different. He brushed his nose along her cheek. In the future, you can have someone else that goes on these types of missions. He was not so prideful to disregard her feelings so that he could continue to be the knight who was sent off into danger. He was perfectly content to guard the borders and mentor the pups and new packmates. And he was more than content to spend his nights with Lane.

Lane met his gaze, letting his reassurances wash over her. His light touch upon her cheek tickled, and a smile flickered across her features. 

Tuuluuwaq gave up the life of a scout easily enough, but that was because he was not a scout at heart. Not like Lane was. 

"The thing is.. I don't want to send anyone. I don't wan't to be the one doing the sending." Her voice was small. She felt like she was copping to something shameful. Shouldn't she be grateful that her people wanted her to be their leader? What would Tuuluuwaq think of her, complaining about such a desirable lot in life? 

"I think I'd rather be the knight," she admitted. "I became a leader to protect the people I loved. I don't want to ever put anyone in harm's way again." She buried her face in Tuuluuwaq's side and inhaled deeply. The conversation she'd had with Meerkat weighed heavy on her mind. Meerkat had reminded Lane that she didn't have to be alpha, and the thought was tempting.

Tuulu studied her face as she spoke. Lane told him she didn't want to send people out. Apparently she wanted to be a knight, and that had a brief smile curving his lips. But he knew these words came from her heart; she was fighting within herself about something, but she hadn't quite told him what it was yet. 

She felt guilty about sending him and the others out into danger, so much that she said she never wanted to do it again. There was no other option, Lane. Someone needed to go to Rivenwood, and you picked the right wolves. He rested his head over her neck, pulling her into an embrace. Leaders have to make those decisions, sometimes, and that is not something to feel guilty about. He wasn't sure it was avoidable in her position, though he wished he could give her some kind of alternative.

Lane sank gratefully into his consolation, snuggling her muzzle into Tuuluuwaq's ruff. He did not offer her the same quick out that Meerkat had, reassuring her that such decisions were the way of things, and no one would hold it against her. He did not reminder her that leadership was a choice-- but maybe that was because Tuuluuwaq viewed it differently. In Tuuluuwaq'a culture, leadership was a tradition. A birthright. A name even, in the case of Issorartuyok. Wolves got used to the idea of following a person, and it stuck. Was it the same with the Duskfire wolves? If Lane tried to step down, would they let her? 

Lane was tempted to just leave the conversation at that. Tuuluuwaq's ears were begging to be nibbled, and no doubt that would lead to more playful antics, and then those would lead to...

Lane sighed deeply, steeling herself bravely for a more direct approach. 

"Issorartuyok could make those decisions. He could lead on his own. He doesn't need me anymore." Her voice was small, and she avoided eye contact with Tuuluuwaq, knowing those chocolate pools would be shining with concern, and maybe even disappointment. 

Initially, Issorartuyok had been a relative stranger to the Duskfire wolves, and Lane's confident choice in him had assisted greatly in solidifying his leadership position. However, the makeup of Duskfire Glacier had changed distinctly. Now the majority of them were wolves who were either directly related to a Tatkret or recruited by one. No one would question Issorartuyok's leadership.

She would certainly find concern in his gaze if she were to look, but there would be no disappointment. He didn't think Lane was capable of doing anything that would disappoint him. 

The way she spoke and averted her gaze made him think she was wary of his judgement. Tuulu wondered if he had done something to make her think he judged her decisions; he had always tried to be supportive, but he had never led a pack and maybe it had affected his ability to say the right thing.

He said nothing at first. The Tatkret only nuzzled her soothingly as he considered what to say. But when he had put his thoughts in order, he pulled back and gently touched her cheek. Lane, he said softly. I think you have been an asset to Isso. You have a different perspective, and you know the wolves of duskfire in a different way. He hoped she was looking at him now, but he wouldn't push it if she wasn't. It's clear in all of your decisions that you care deeply for the pack. She almost always put them even before herself. But if leading isn't something you want to do anymore, I think everyone would understand. He wouldn't sit here and pretend like he wouldn't be ecstatic to have more time with her, and for Lane to have more time for herself. She was so deep into her anxious thoughts that she couldn't see things in the correct light. 

If stepping down is what you want, maybe you could select someone to take your place. I think that might make it a smoother transition for everyone. His perceptive gaze studied her face; Tuulu was eager to know what she thought of his words.

Tuuluuwaq spoke understandingly, and without a trace of disappointment. He extolled her actions and decisions, and she chanced a small, shy glance upward. These were compliments that Issorartuyok had also spoken, but they sounded different coming from Tuuluuwaq. Her characteristic half smile tugged at a corner of her mouth. 

Tuuluuwaq suggested that she name a successor, and that gave Lane pause. She really didn't have one. The kids were too young, and the others were too new. Untested. The only wolf who Lane thought might be up to the job was Tuuluuwaq himself, and Lane knew him well enough to know he would balk at the idea of replacing her. 

"I was kind of hoping Issorartuyok would do that for me," she admitted, speaking to the idea of alpha selection. "I thought he would have chosen a mate by now." If Issorartuyok decided to elevate his mate to the alpha rank beside him, that was a move that none would question. It was the normal thing, to have a mated pair in the alpha positions. It was a natural thing, to want to stand in a rank beside one's own mate. 

Speaking of which. 

"I don't know if I would give it all up, just the big-decision-making stuff. I like being in a position to help my packmates, and I like being an ambassador. I think I could be a good beta to Issorartuyok and his wife, or maybe.. I could be half of a trusted beta pair..." 

Lane's eyes glowed when she next met Tuuluuwaq's gaze. What would he think of this? Would he enjoy the thought of standing beside Lane as her equal, and serving his brother as his second-in-command? Lane hoped so. She understood that in this scenario, she would be giving up a large piece of her power to some unknown woman of Issorartuyok's choosing, but that seemed well worth it if it meant she could have Tuulu beside her, equal in all ways.

Lane had been hoping that Isso would have chosen a mate by now. Tuulu sighed. He has been somewhat grim about the topic any time I have brought it up, the Tatkret told her. I am not sure what happened, but he does not seem to think he will have a mate or children this spring. His brother was not super willing to speak of his feelings, but Tuulu knew him well enough to know something was off about the way he spoke of not having a family. The northerner was not one to pry or force others to talk about things that made them uncomfortable, so he had not pushed the subject. 

He listened and smiled as Lane spoke of how she still wanted to help her pack and be an ambassador; she was very good at both in his opinion. But when she hinted at him being a beta along side her, his eyebrows lifted and his heart skipped a beat. He hadn't been considering leadership at all. He liked to help the pack because that was what you did, and he genuinely cared about everyone's well-being. 

But could he be second in command to his brother? He, of course, liked the sound of being able to help Lane in her leader duties. But he didn't know if he was the type to lead. What if the pack was upset with his ascension through the ranks? It was more doubt than he had felt in a long time. He had come here and been happy to be working behind the scenes, probably because it was less responsibility. It had been nice not to be under the weight of purpose as he had been at home. But it was Lane who was asking, and he had a very hard time telling her no. Plus, his doubts and reservations were all a bit childish. 

He drew in a deep breath and released it slowly, his muscular shoulders moving up and then down with the movement. I am not sure I will do well as second in command, Tuulu told her first. But, I will certainly try my best. He kissed her cheek. And it will be nice to be able to help you bear some of the weight of leadership. He had wanted to do that for a while, and this was his opportunity.

Lane probably knew a lot more than Tuuluuwaq about why Issorartuyok seemed so suddenly down on the prospect of a mate and children, given that she'd been taken into Meerkat's confidence. A broken heart was a tough thing-- Lane had been there. "You know, Moonglow has a matchmaker: the alpha, Kukutux. I mentioned it to Issorartuyok ages ago, but I don't think he took me seriously. Maybe he would hear the advice better, coming the second time from his brother." Lane raised a conspiratorial eyebrow. "Kukutux is well-connected, and a northerner herself. She would understand Issorartuyok. If anyone could find him a match, it would be her." 

When Tuulu admitted to his concerns with serving as a second-in-command, Lane replied, “Well, you can be third-in-command then. I’ll be second-in-command.” She nudged him, smiling teasingly. She had given a cheeky reply, but truly, she understood what Tuulu was getting at-- he didn't think he was cut out for leadership. Lane hadn't thought she would make a good leader either, but everyone kept insisting that she was doing great. 

"You already help me bear the weight of leadership," Lane insisted, speaking sincerely this time. Everything she needed from Tuuluuwaq as a beta, she already got from him as a zeta. He deserved the recognition for the work he was already putting in. "You're going to be fantastic," she insisted. 

Shyness slowly crept up on her as she ran out of words, and she she realized they had somewhat  danced around the concept of beta pair that Lane had mentioned. Tuuluwaq was a traditional man, and so as much as Lane liked the idea of tying everything up in one neat conversation here and now, she assumed that Tuulu wanted to be the one to officially propose mateship. She could be patient. She could wait until he was ready. God knows he had waited long enough on her to be ready to court.

Reaching out to the moonwoman was a good idea. Lane stated that she had mentioned it to Isso before but it sounded like his brother wasn't very receptive to the idea. I will bring it up to him again. I think Kukutux would happily do that for him. Tuulu wanted his brother to be happy. 

The Tatkret smile at her teasing and nipped at her chin in response. Truly, rank didn't matter than much to the northerner; he just wanted to be in a position to help Lane as much as possible. 

Then she continued and told him that he had already been a help to her. The words were followed by reassurance that made his face warm. If Lane had faith in him, then he could certainly have faith in himself. Thank you, he offered softly, kissing her cheek. 

He knew leading together implied they would be mated, but this was not the way he would propose mateship to her. He would have told her that, but then it would ruin the surprise. 

Besides, he had something far more pressing on his mind. They had been separated for what felt like months, and he wanted to soothe his ache for her. He kissed his way from her jaw, down her neck, the affection becoming more demanding as kisses mixed with nips. I missed you, he whispered. The words were gruff and needy.

Tuuluuwaq would speak to Issorartuyok about Kukutux. Lane smiled gratefully. 

At Lane's praise, Tuuluuwaq reached out with a chaste kiss, and Lane's voice rumbled in her throat, almost like a purr. Little kisses were sweet, but not exactly what she wanted in this moment. It was not what she had waited so many weeks to share with Tuuluuwaq.. 

He began to kiss down her neck, and her tail flurried against the floor of the cave. That was more like it! She nipped at his ruff, egging him on, impatient and heated. 

He had missed her, had he? 

"How much?" Another nip. "Show me, Tuulu.." Lane whispered charmingly, grinning. It was a shameless throwback to that night they had spent under the dancing lights. Lane was hoping for an encore performance. 

I'm thinking fade to black. ;)