Swiftcurrent Creek i always make such expensive mistakes;;

set a few hours before this thread @Lennon

 

It was early in the morning when Ali slipped away from the others, assuming they were still asleep.
He needed some time to think, somewhere away from them; not too far, but far enough that he couldn't see their faces. Far enough that he couldn't see the torn nub where Korei's ear once was or the exposed, ruined muscle of Lennon's leg, far enough that he couldn't see the anger flashing in the latter's eyes every time he looked at him.
The boy acted like he didn't notice, for fear of what the results of the inevitable confrontation would be. For once in his life, he didn't want to leave.

By the time he reached the creek, fear had transformed to anger. Anger at himself, at the strange wolf that had tormented Korei-- mostly himself. He huffed and kicked a rock hard into the water, ignoring the stinging pain it sent through his paw. Then he wondered what he would do, if Lennon told him to leave forever. The boy stared down at the water, shivering now, though he could not determine if it was from cold or the sudden return of that crushing fear from earlier.

He would go as far away as he could, he decided. Somewhere he wouldn't be able to mess things up again; somewhere away from others. The thought ached, but he knew it was the only logical course of action. He had spent so long trying to belong somewhere, or maybe to someone-- and all he had succeeded in doing was hurting others. Upsetting others. Spreading destruction and death where he went, despite his best intentions.
Maybe the boy was cursed; or maybe it was something more sinister than that.
Ali began to sob, unable to stop himself from directing his question at the water below him. Am I a bad person?

And then he was babbling, confessing to no one; no one but the wind and the water. I try so hard to be good. I try, I try. The rest of it was incoherent, devolving into whimpers and sniffles when he was done crying.
He curled up by the water's edge, exhausted from the outburst, and fell into an uneasy half-sleep.

Lennon gained little rest that night, his own irritation kept his mind running, but mostly his nagging pain from his wound kept him awake like caffeine. His nerves screaming, "I'm in pain! I'm in pain! You're terribly hurt!" only threw more gasoline stained wood into the fire. Why did bodies have to work in such deliberately bothersome ways? He knew he was hurt, he was there when it happened! He sees it every day, why must his body continuously alert his brain of it for no other reason than to never cease his awareness of the injury - he already knew and will keep knowing until its gone. 

The rose-red paint spilled in through the cavern, notifying the male that it was the birth of morning. He heard as Alarian awoke, only to part from the lair. Even with Lennon's forewarning yesterday, the overly adventurous boy held no head. This sparked a new flame amongst the many others, to go so blindly against Lennon's words. Especially after witnessing the horrifying consequences of separating. He tried to follow directly after, knowing Korei was actually safe amongst the rock walls for not many a creature would creep into its entrance, at least not so early in the day. His effort to shadow his friend failed, too disabled to walk at any pace quicker than below average. Also, he was greatly distracted by the glorious sunrise cascading over the greenery. Such a peaceful light relaxed his displeasure so much so, that when he spotted his friend he only focused on the diamond specks gleaming in the creek before him. 

The way he basked in the morning, the hues giving the boy an enticing golden glow, almost matched by the only thing Lennon had seen as the most beautiful. This unharmful smoldering sky brought him back to her, and it dawned on him the horrific end of it all. 

He did not intend to make the same mistake. 

"Why did you leave?" His voice wasn't accusing any longer, it was softer and kinder than in the past. He stepped quietly next to the other, lowering his back legs to the ground and stare at his own reflection in self-contemplation. "After what I said?"

He was startled by Lennon's voice, but by now the sound was familiar enough that he did not jump. Ali lifted his head instantly, ears flattened and eyes wide, preparing to hear the words he had been dreading.
But that was not what came. His companion wanted to know why-- why he had run away again, as he always did. The softness behind the words took Alarian off-guard more than anything, and his breath caught in his throat.
I need to think, and I... I didn't think you'd want me around. The boy confessed softly, voice barely more than a whisper. Had he known the real reason Lennon was mad, he wouldn't have thought this at all-- but with the absence of a reason, and of any communication at all, he had been left to assume. So Ali assumed his wrongdoing was not being able to protect Korei, letting her get hurt while he still lived. It seemed, to him, reasonable to conclude that Lennon would hate him after that.
The fact that he was making Alarian question his conclusion gave the boy no peace, though-- only more uncertainty.

It took a minute before Lennon finally responded, his mind wandered off a moment, collecting all his scattered, irritated thoughts and organizing them to be easier now to express. ”I was terrified.” He finally said, unable to look Alarian in the eye as he open heartedly shared his emotion. 

”I was terrified of losing you and Korei.” The once charming, invincible boy that trotted across borders with a sing-songy tune, was now vulnerable and crippled. It all seemed to happen so quickly, But he desperately missed his old self and believed this was the first step towards it. 

”I don’t know what I’d do without either of you, and the thought of you gone...” His voice was growing unsteady, slowly getting louder and more passionate as he spoke - still unable to look his companion in the eye as he admitted his insecurities. 

”I hate violence, Alarian. It’s taken so much from me, and to know you could’ve just, just, walked away. I’m not mad about my leg, I’m not mad at us separting,” He took a deep breath, pawing at the muddied dirt from the creek shore. ”I’m mad because I couldn’t stop it, I’m mad it happened at all, I’m mad I let my guard down. I’m mad it didn’t have to happen. I’m mad that violence terrorizes me constantly.”

Lennon finally gained the courage to look his friend in the eye, both brown hues transformed into a sparkling gold from the rays of the morning sky. ”But most of all I’m absolutely horrified of losing you.”

The boy was quiet as he listened to Lennon speak, taking in each word with his full attention. His own thoughts bubbled in his head, and briefly he thought it wasn't fair that his companion thought he should have walked away-- but the emotion in Lennon's voice overwhelmed him, and the thought was drowned in a tidal wave of guilt and self-loathing.

When his companion finally met his eyes, Ali was overcome. He pressed his nose gently to Lennon's, eyes full of gentle affection, though they still held the sadness from earlier. For some reason the confession had only dulled the hurt-- as if he had spent such a time fixating on his belief, cementing it as fact in his own mind, that it would take an equal amount of time to detach it.
The boy pulled away after a few long moments, turning his gaze down to the water. He huffed, mostly from nerves, and tried to make his next words sound more lighthearted than he felt. Well, I know it looks like it... He started, referencing his scar and now healing wounds. But I promise I don't go around picking fights, Lennon.

Ali barely paused before launching into his explanation, voice shaking slightly because he still wasn't sure he wanted to say it at all. When I found her-- them, he was making her cry. He told her she had been left behind, that we weren't coming back-- and I would have taken Korei and walked away, I would have.
The boy drew in a breath, then turned his eyes to the sky. But when he threatened me, he wasn't just threatening to hurt me-- he was talking about my death. And I thought-- I still think-- that he wanted to take Korei. He wanted to kill me and take her. I couldn't let him.
He shivered a little bit, thinking back to his encounter with the orange-eyed stranger. What if he... And then he couldn't finish the sentence, couldn't put that thought into Lennon's head. The boy straightened a little, trying to look okay, or at least stable.
I hate violence too... Ali's voice was a little steadier now. But I can't let those things happen to anyone else. Especially not Korei.

He pushed his face into Lennon's chest suddenly, half because he was certain his explanation would ruin everything, that Lennon would think him stupid. The other reason was that he didn't think he could breathe a moment longer without some form of contact with the wolf he was rapidly beginning to need.

Lennon’s mind flashed to her, the way she made him felt was insane. The moment Alarian pushes into his chest, the same feeling spread across his nerves. He lowered his head on to the boy, imitating a hug. The embrace was calming and needed, even though he didn’t know it. ”I can’t deal with it again.” For the first time since finding her, Lennon had the urge to weep. He didn’t allow himself to, but the memories and idea of history repeating itself took a toll on his emotions. He didn’t elaborate what his comment meant, and wasn’t planning on it either. The pain in voice, he believed, was enough. 

He felt exhausted, and not from his lack of rest throughout the night. Everyday had been a toil since the first attack, and to finally release some of his bottled sentiment. ”Just until we’re healed enough, can we not separate,” it would ease his mind much more to know the trio wouldn’t be parting until physically capable. 

”Please.” His voice was muffled by being so close to the others fur, but he found a lack of ability to remove himself from the hold. It was relaxing to finally understand Alarian’s point of view, and to have finally shared his own. Ignoring wasn’t likely the best strategy, but at least it allowed him to confront their issues in a calmer way than snapping like he had the first time.

Right then, Ali felt he could die and be content with his final moments-- he felt warm and wanted with Lennon leaning in to embrace him. Everything bad washed away, and it was only the two of them in the world. His heart tightened with the feeling, rhythm slightly disjointed now from the sparks jumping in his chest.
I won't leave except to hunt. The boy was quick to make the promise, adding in case Lennon thought to argue: And I need to hunt for us, or we won't heal at all.
He paused a moment, more words lingering on his tongue, begging to be spoken.
I don't want to separate either... Ever again. I...
What was he trying to say? What were the words?
I care about you. A lot. It didn't feel like it was the right thing, exactly-- it felt like a weak imitation of what he had been meant to tell Lennon, but the boy thought with a wave of frustration that he didn't know what he meant to express. He didn't let his inner turmoil show, but Ali was embarrassed and mad at himself.

Say it. The urge was so natural, so simple and Lennon knew without a doubt that it were true. Even with their limited amount of time knowing each other, it was as evident as it had been in the past. Lennon was no stranger to this feeling, it clicked on like a switch the minute he saw her. It clicked just now, he knew it. The amount of certainty was what allowed him to admit it so early. The fact that he’d die for him, the unceasing motivation to please him, the overwhelming protection he held for him, it was so clear.

What wasn’t so clear was what it meant. Lennon felt a similar way towards his once best friend, and continues to. So foreign to this idea, it never even crossed his mind that he could feel such a way towards another male. It didn’t even matter now, it only mattered that he knew. 

”I love you.” It was so early, but he made the same leap in the past. There was no way he could take the chance of him never knowing, for life was so easily ripped away.  Saying it first wasn’t scary, only created curiosity if they felt the same. He loved him and there felt to be no better time to say so than now. To let Alarian know that if they quarry again, it would always end the same – with Lennon loving him. 

He pulled back, his shining amber gaze falling on to the boy showered in the rose light of a sunrise.

I love you.
Alarian froze, and his expression turned blank. For a moment, all he could do was stare at Lennon-- confused. It was such a foreign statement, took him so off-guard; he wasn't sure what to do.

What? He breathed after a few beats, and just like that whatever spell had taken hold of him was broken. Emotion flitted across his face, first shocked puzzlement and then-- delight. Wait, really? I-- no one has ever said that to me before.
Lennon loved him. Loved him. The specifics didn't matter in that moment; whether it was platonic or romantic, Alarian didn't care. He wondered, then, if he loved Lennon too, and found the answer before he could finish asking himself the question.
I love you too. The boy trembled slightly as he finally admitted it, reaching out to push his nose against his companion's cheek. Unlike Lennon, Ali was fairly certain he meant it romantically. But he wouldn't elaborate-- not now, when it was so new, and he wasn't sure if his companion held the same intention.

I want to stay with you. Alarian announced then, as if it hadn't already been obvious. As long as you'll let me. And I hope Korei stays too, but even if she joins a pack I... I couldn't leave you. I won't.

In a moment where most others would feel a pang or worry, regret, or fear Lennon felt content. Alarian’s question was valid, all that he cared for was him knowing, and now he did. Yet, when he returned the confession, there was undoubtably an excitement that grew in the males chest. He was, truthfully, surprised that Alarian had never been told he was loved before. 

It made him him a little sad. For such a wolf deserved to be loved - and to know they're loved. They’re contact forced him to smile warmly, using they’re closeness as an opportunity to lick the side of his muzzle, laughing quietly. It then hit him – he just laughed. Boy, did it feel good to finally chuckle again. Lennon’s initial plan was working, taking the steps towards returning to his self. 

”Good – not like I’d let you leave, anyway.” His tone was humorous, but also held a sense of truth. Lennon wouldn’t want to train Alarian in any sense, but he definitely would try his best to keep him around.

100th post !! wooo!

The words warmed the boy, and he returned the lick Lennon had pressed to his muzzle. It sent a skip through his chest, to know his companion felt that way-- to know he was worth something, that he would not be forgotten or cast aside.
He giggled a little, more from happiness than amusement, and rubbed his head against Lennon's neck. Part of him thought, a bit possessively, that others would scent him on the handsome man and know. Mostly, though, he felt like a kid in a candy shop, inhibitions gone with the mutual confession.
Don't worry. Ali murmured almost inaudibly, words he mostly intended to go unheard. I'm yours.
But his expression did not betray that he had said it at all, and quickly (as if the words had never come out) he was talking again, more loudly. I wonder if Korei is awake yet.

Alarian's comment forced Lennon to think a bit but was interrupted by the thought of Korei. He felt an uncomfortable drop in his stomach and he stood up. He sent the other a kind and appreciative smile as if trying to convey how pleased he was to have this time spent together. "We should get back,"  he insisted. Anxiety balled up as he began to worry about the other third of the trio. He gestured with his head to follow, starting to slowly trot towards the lair.

He turned his head back for one second, admiring Alarian. "We should do this more often." Lennon offered, before continuing back to Korei.

Archiving! Great thread :D

Ali nodded, smiling back sweetly at Lennon. He couldn't deny his companion's protective instincts were attractive.
I'd love that. Was the boy's response to his next words, nuzzling him one last time on his uninjured shoulder before they went back to Korei. He wasn't worried for the girl's safety-- she was safer than anywhere in the cave, and likely knew better than to wander away from it. But he was eager to see her again, because he had learned some new words to describe how he felt about her.