Silver Moraine bhagwan, hai kahaan re tu?

ever since the split, sleep had evaded him. after every break-up he'd endured, he'd been able to work it off by wandering, traveling hundreds of miles until his aching heart had healed and his itchy paws were satisfied. but now aditya was anchored here, having made a promise to pema, and strolling the borders didn't quite do the trick like a cross-mountain voyage. he felt completely and utterly trapped, and it was with this emotion that he took to walking tonight, cloaked in the meager light of a thin crescent moon, stepping off the plains and onto the gray expanse of the moraine.

he had been asking himself 'why?' many times over the past days, and he still didn't have the answers. he had even turned to hari, whom he hadn't seen in quite some time, but had received no answers. aditya had no one formful to call upon for advice--sunny was too close to dawn, shale was closed off, and grayday was dead. he was completely and utterly alone, fettered in a prison completely silent, save for the roar of his own thoughts.

"bhagwan, hai kahaan re tu?" he sang in desperate question, tenor voice lilting in the still night air. "haaye khuda, hai kahaan re tu?" it was then that he realized he had not sang in some time, and his next phrase broke off in a sob, tears coming suddenly to his eyes. he let them fall; with no one to see them, it did not matter where or when they spilled.

once he had sang and danced with reckless abandon, but his time here had hammered him into something harder, sterner, less joyful. if he were to look in a pool, would he recognize his reflection? would the eyes that blinked back at him be familiar? he had forgotten everything--his god, his music, even, haaye, his language, which he'd barely spoken as of late. he had given all his love and all his heart to dawn and her family, and in turn had lost his identity.

so where was his god, his music, his soul? where had the man called aditya gone? these were questions even more complicated than the earthly 'why's that had haunted him, and the agouti male paced the moraine restlessly, an insomniac, staring at the stars and searching desperately for the answers in their depths.

Speedy doesn't usually wander this far, but wth. Aditya seems like he could use the company of a wolf with a sunny personality. <3

After leaving the coast, Speedy's curiosity drove her into a place she had never been before. She was reminded of the last time this happened; she had embarrassingly gotten lost in the mountains. As long as she didn't wander too far off course, she should be fine, though.

She had found herself at a barren riverbed surrounded by large, green trees when she heard the voice of another. The words were of a language she didn't know, but her empathetic heart recognized the sadness in them. Spurred by her healer's need to ease pain, she went on a search for the source of the words. 

She soon found the sandy male not far from where she had been. She slowly walked closer and lowering her a head a little, she quietly said, "Hey," before coming to stop a short distance from the bushy-tailed male. Her golden gaze studied him with concern as she waited for his response.

the greeting startled him from his thoughts, and aditya sniffled, hastily blinking away the tears in his eyes and hoping she'd not notice the tracks of those already-spilled down his cheeks. he turned to look at her over his shoulder. "hey," he repeated, his voice rusty. he cleared his throat, rotating to fully face her, nostrils flaring as he took in her scent--a lone wolf, by her smell.

she looked unthreatening enough; the last time he'd been interrupted in a fit of emotion--well, before alarian, and he didn't want to think of that right now--was the sea witch, and her words had been biting. this woman seemed kinder, and he let himself relax just a trifle, hoping that she wouldn't take advantage of his invulnerability.

"you're a wanderer?" aditya asked, half-questioning though he believed he knew the answer. she was awfully close to pack lands, though the moraine was vast, and he wondered what her purpose was, here. she could have walked on by; why did she seek his company? to comfort, to pity? or to cheat and steal, like everyone else?

He looked like he had been crying when he turned to her, and the roughness of his voice when he spoke his return greeting had confirmed her observation. Speedy studied him thoughtfully as she took a few more steps toward the sad stranger. 

He asked if she was a wanderer, and she offered him a shy smile before replying, "I am." She supposed it was obvious to pack wolves that she had no one place to call home; home was anywhere safe for her. It was a hard life sometimes, but she was happy for now. She just kind of did whatever she wanted to, which what she enjoyed the most. 

Speedy took a few more tentative steps towards the male. "I'm sorry if I...I just heard...Are you okay?" The jumble of words was soft and unsure. He didn't know her at all, and she didn't want to pry, but she couldn't help it. Her heart dictated her actions far more often than her head did, and right now, it felt for the golden eyed male.

a small smile bloomed over his face at her response, eyes growing warm with nostalgia. once, he, too, had been a wanderer, and right now, returning to that life without responsibility and ties seemed better than anything. yet hadn't he settled down, just to escape that day-to-day existence? perhaps he would be forever trapped, never able to fully embrace the two facets of his life: duty and freedom.

her concern touched him, and he nodded, despite the gesture being a lie. his shoulders heaved in an infinitesimal sigh. "i will be," aditya said, more truthfully. "i've, erm, had a hard several days and nights, recently. a lot of things have changed, for me."

that was one benefit of the wandering life--you embraced change, rather than fearing it. so much of his existence at morningside was dependent on routine, things he had settled into and accepted that this was the way things were. he loved dawn; dawn loved him. they were mated, and someday they would have children. but in the blink of an eye, all of that was gone. . .and now, instead of rolling with the punches as he might have once done, he reeled, not knowing how to handle it.

Speedy's brows creased in concern as she sat down in front of the sandy wolf. I'm sorry you're having a hard time, she said quietly. The statement could often be construed as an insincere form of consolation, especially when it came from someone he barely knew, but for Speedy, she really did feel that way. 

Anything I can do to help? Maybe take your mind off things? she added a minute later, giving him a warm smile. He might think it an odd offer coming from a stranger, but no one was ever really a stranger to Speedy. She had recently been described as 'overly-friendly,' and she had to agree. It was something that could potentially get her in trouble, but so far, it hadn't, so she wasn't too worried about it; maybe that was a little naive, but that was Speedy.

"it will get better," aditya responded, his mood improving by bounds due to the girl's kind nature. at her query, he cocked his head, mouth firming in thought. "you could tell me more about yourself," he offered, smiling. "i'm sick of talking about me, me, me."

he was always happy to see a newcomer--if they were friendly, that is. she reminded him of himself, when he was younger. energetic and empathetic, always eager to make friends. adi hoped she never lost that spirit, even if she ended up tied down to a pack. she deserved to stay joyful, for the cheer to always stay in her life.

"what's your name?" he asked, getting the conversation rolling.

Speedy smiled. His request was easy enough, although she didn't mind talking about him. She would do whatever he thought would take his mind off things, though. Speedy, she offered with a nod when he asked for her name.

I left my pack to find my own way in life, and I've been a wanderer ever since, she added a second later, thinking that was a good place to start. Leaving her family had been hard, and she missed them a lot, but she was glad she left. Now, she had the freedom she never knew she wanted, and she couldn't imagine giving it up. At least, not anytime soon. Settling down was not something she was currently interested in; she was way more interested in exploring and meeting new wolves.

he raised his brows, intrigued. "where did you come from?" aditya asked. "i was a wanderer for a long time, too." north or south? somehow, she struck him as someone from the latter. northern wolves, he'd found, were more serious, as if they had ice in their veins, rather than hot blood. there was not frost to be found in this girl, he thought.

maybe that was why his relationship with dawn had imploded. she was more pragmatic, he reactive. and while she had a tendency to be reckless and selfish, it was not with the heat of passion, but rather a cool, breezy attitude--something he was thoroughly unaccustomed to. perhaps north and south could never mix, not with any degree of success.

"my name is aditya, by the way," he offered, smiling. then he fell silent, waiting for her to continue. he wanted a story; he hoped she'd offer more.

I'm from a place very far south from here, she replied. The summers were far warmer than here, and I'm sure the winters are nothing compared to what winter will be like here, Speedy added. The closer they got to winter, the less she was able to pretend she wasn't worried about what she would do on her own when the weather turned frigid. She wouldn't be forced to settle down before she was ready, though. If she was still alone by winter, she would just have to figure it out. 

How long were you a wanderer, she asked with curious interest. She also wondered what made him finally settle, but was afraid to ask in case it was too personal a question. So, she settled on a more practical question. She had no idea how long wolves lasted on their own, although he seemed a little more hardy than she was, so he was probably better equipped to deal with the hardships of being a lone wolf. But, what Speedy lacked in strength, she made up for in tenacity, so, for now, she was confident that she would be okay on her own for a while. 

When he offered his name, Speedy smiled and gave a polite nod in return.

his suspicions confirmed, he grinned, thrilled to see a fellow southerner. he'd rarely paid attention to such things in his life, having met so many from various cultures--but here in the teekon wilds, it was abundantly clear. northerners were just different. their values, while not directly clashing with his, were still slightly altered. they took certain things more seriously. viewed the world in what was to him an unfamiliar light.

"it's cold," aditya commented, his grin fading into a grimace. he did not relish the thought of winter being just several moons away. "all my life, really," he answered her question, moving on from the terrible subject of snow and ice. "my mother died when i was just weaned, so i went out on my own. i joined morningside last fall. . .so here i am, now."

but perhaps, if not the most enjoyable thing to discuss, winter was becoming more and more relevant, in late summer. he tilted his head, an inkling of concern in his gaze. "do you have a place to stay, when the winter comes? family, friends here?"

Speedy looked at Aditya with shocked concern. You were on your own as a child? she asked incredulously. How had he survived? It hurt her heart to think of a pup all alone and having to fend for themselves, even if they were weaned. Children should be protected and loved, not left to their own defenses. The urge to offer comfort through affection was strong, but she settled for words instead. I'm sorry you lost your mother so young, she said softly. She was supposed to be talking about herself, but she hadn't really been doing the best job. 

The corner of her mouth lifted at his question and she shrugged a little. None of my family came with me she answered, her tone a little sad at the reminder of the family she hadn't seen in a while. I've met a few wolves during my wandering, though, Speedy added, perking back up. Only one or two she really considered her friends, though.

he shuffled his paws, feeling a bit sheepish. "i had my uncle with me, for a little while," he added, hoping to alleviate her shock. "but then he died, a few moons after his sister, and so. . .yes, i was alone, then." nothing about his story was heroic. death had left him to fend for himself--that was all. how many orphaned pups could claim the same thing? he had been lucky to survive, but others had had life much worse.

nevertheless, he dipped his head in thanks to speedy, smiling. "thank you," he said sincerely, throat feeling the slightest bit thick. "she was. . .from the little that i knew of her, a wonderful woman." adi sniffled again, feeling another round of tears coming to his eyes. hastily blinking them away, he listened to her explanation instead, focusing on each syllable as he attempted to distract himself once more.

"that's good," he commented, smiling. "but if you need a place to stay, soon, our borders are just to the west, on the plains." he pointed his nose in the direction he'd came, looking back at her. "we have pups, many mouths to feed--we'll take all the hunters we can get." he grinned, unashamed of spilling morningside's need. how else were they going to get the word out? it wasn't as if this sweet girl was going to turn around and lead an army toward dawnlark plains, to take advantage of their weakness. . .

. . .right?

She listened with thoughtful silence as he told her about his uncle dying and leaving him alone again. Such a sad start to life, she thought. It made her extra thankful she grew up surrounded by loving parents and a pack. He seemed to have grown into a decent wolf, though. At least, so far, he didn't seem like a bad guy. Many would come out of that situation with a chip on their shoulder, but he didn't appear to be that way, not now anyway. She hadn't missed the swell of emotion on his face that followed the topic of his mother, but she continued her story, not wanting to push him into talking anymore about something else painful when he was clearly already in pain.

His offer was very kind, even if it was somewhat out of a need for more pack members. That's a very nice offer she replied with a warm smile. Part of her wanted to accept just because she knew she would be helping them out, but she wasn't quite ready to settle yet; she still had some time before winter forced her to make that decision. I'm not quite ready to join a pack, yet, But if I find myself facing winter alone, I'll keep your offer in mind. she added, feeling a little guilty.

no need for guilt on her part; everyone had their reasons to turn down an offer, no matter its intent. he smiled, simply happy for her company on this long, lonely night. "definitely keep it in mind," aditya answered mildly, eyes glowing. "you know where to find us." unless they moved, of course. but that was moons from now, when the younger pups were able to travel.

the thought of pups brought him back to the reality of his station on the plains, and he inhaled slowly, letting out a sigh. "i should get back, anyway," he said, a little reluctantly. he fixed her with an incredibly sincere look, almost cutting in its directness--if it wasn't so kind. "thank you, speedy. thank you for talking to me. it helped. . .really." nothing was better for a damaged psyche, in his opinion, then talking it out.

adi gave his tail a wag, grinning. "it was nice to meet you. good luck, and i hope you come to stay with us, eventually." once she had given her own farewells, he would head back out at a brisk trot, feeling much better than when he had came. it may not have been something otherworldly, impressive--but the divine was in everyone, and everyone was divine. hari had seen to his concerns, sending a messenger. . .a kind girl, a wanderer, who he'd not soon forget.

Speedy nodded at his thanks. It was really no problem, she said with a kind smile. She was glad to have helped make him feel a little better. Helping someone feel better when they were having a hard time was one of her most favorite activities. One of the few things she disliked about being a wanderer was how infrequently she got to help others with emotional pain. Most wolves were not willing to talk about personal issues with a stranger, and she was beyond happy to have been able to offer Aditya some comfort during his hard time. 

Thanks. It was nice to meet you too, Aditya, she said, grinning and rising to her feet with a stretch. And then, because she had, in her opinion, held back long enough, she pranced up to him and touched her head to his cheek to give him a quick comforting nuzzle (assuming he let her). Then, she turned and trotted off into the night, tail wagging behind her.