Broken Boulder feels like i am falling down a rabbit hole

for @Queenie but AW

Really, he tried not to let himself process his mother's death. Of course, he failed completely. It was beginning to sink in; time and his return to Broken Boulder saw to that. Things were settled— he was home— there were others to help him lead— and it was time to break, now.
Alarian had never done things like this quietly. It wasn't in his nature— until, quite suddenly, it was. The Governor didn't think he could bear to see the pity in anyone's gaze; or, god forbid, the grief in Lanawyn's. He kept to himself when the grief was overwhelming— and when it was not, he kept busy.
Thoughts of his mother inevitably led elsewhere, to topics he didn't think he was ready for; to pups. The boy couldn't quite decide if he was more disgusted by or concerned for his newest siblings— nieces and nephews? Oh, god. No. So anyway, it was easier to focus on trying to decide how he felt about the pups he would soon be confronted with. Queenie's pups. He had been avoiding the stunning, obviously-dissatisfied woman since their arrival— a fact he felt guilty for, now. Wasn't it his job to care about his members or something? At least the pregnant ones, probably.

So he set off early in the morning to find an appropriate offering, wondering if wolf pregnancy was anything like dog pregnancy. He had seen and assisted with the latter in full— birth, too— but had only ever briefly met pregnant wolves. Would Queenie need... help? Was he even qualified for that? Alarian wasn't sure anyone in the pack was— certainly not him, though. His only experience with birth had been a failure.
These thoughts were rendered irrelevant when he was ready to find her, fox dangling from his jaws. Suddenly the boy was alight with nerves. He did know that pregnant women were hormonal— and Queenie didn't exactly seem thrilled to be here anyway. What if she hated him? What if she told him she hated him, and he cried, and she told everyone? The Governor was a mess of anxiety as he set off to find his new packmate, wondering why he put himself in these situations.